Recovering fro the Break-up of a 3-Year Affair

[ender999]

I don't expect to get much sympathy here but I'll forge ahead. I was happily married but nevertheless became intensely involved with a married woman at work. For 3 years we had an intensely thrilling, romantic and torrid sexual relationship. Emotionally and sexually we built our lives around one another. The sex was off the charts.

 

Our respective spouses never knew.

 

But in the "all things must come to an end" department, I ended our affair a few days ago. The reasons aren't relevant.

 

We now have no contact and I'm grieving over our break-up. Since this was my first and only affair does anyone know whether the post-break-up healing process is any different after an affair. I have a profound sense of loss but I know I've done the right thing in ending this.

 

The sad thing about secret, illicit affairs is that the pain, like the pleasure, remains hidden. And does this secret hinder the healing process?

 

I don't know.

[CaelumSky]

Wow, 3 years is a long time. What is even worse than the pain you feel right now, is the pain you will feel when your spouses do find out. As you posted "all good things come to an end" don't think that this skeleton will remain in the closet. If you were willing to spend 3 years with this person, its obvious that you loved and cared for her.......one could go on to say more than your wife perhaps? Why not end things with your wife before pursuing another. Or was the whole 3-year fling you had just sexual, where neither of you cared about anything but that? Either way, you have my sympathy on the fact that you have lost someone you cared about for 3 years and you will hurt someone that you loved enough to marry and spend the rest of your life with. This is the double whammy! No matter what though, always remember that things will work out. No matter how bad today is, tomorrow will always be better. And to answer your question, the secret does hinder the healing process. Tell your wife and set things right now if you can. If you keep it from her it will only make things a lot worse. TRUST ME. Take care and good luck.

[shari186]

Hi there. I had a three year affair with a man myself. It has been over for 6 weeks now and is hard. I just would like to know, did you tell your wife and did you get back with your lover?