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Oh, what I wouldn't give. Need lots of advice!!!


anbreeuh

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Time has passed, I've settled into this relationship, and it is wavering uncontrollably. I have gone from seeing my SO as nothing more than a good friend to loving him unconditionally (fight me on this, saying it's not possible, I dare you). It is a bittersweet reality, knowing that how I feel for him does and will not change based on (in)significant events during the course of our relationship. Though I am young and perhaps naive, I do not tolerate my feelings being belittled due to said fact. With that disclosed, let us continue henceforth: I am not the easiest person to deal with, at best. I have my faults, as does every other living, breathing, coherent being on this planet. However, I do my best day in and out to show my feelings and affection for my boyfriend of going on 7 months. This relationship is still new, but it has been such a roller coaster already. He has always had his doubts, and I have had nothing but faith. Even in the worst of situations, which were probably more my fault than his 9 times out of 10, I have held my head high in regards to the outcome of things down the line. Nothing worth having is easy; that is a tried and true reality in this world. There are things that show me this is entirely meant to be: we've come so far in a relationship that was seemingly over before it began (11 year age difference, bi-polar disorder, manic episodes, crazy antics), the love I feel for him grows by the day, and my yearning for him to be an ever-growing part of my day to day life is astounding. Here is where it goes sour: where I bend, he breaks. We are both headstrong people, though I am entirely submissive and agreeable ninety percent of the time. I am a pleaser; he is a pleaser. We both get satisfaction out of the happiness of those we care about, and this sometimes presents a problem. (There is problem number one I need advice on- how do I balance this low-key power struggle?) Problem two that is more self-centered than the last: How do I stop being entirely too sensitive? I take so much to heart, and though I know after I become upset that my reaction was probably wrong, I can't help but be this way. Naturally, my heart is as pure as gold, three sizes too large, and undeniably forgiving and open. I take "teasing" statements as insults, and thus cause tension, not only in my romantic relationship but in my family/friend relationships, as well. Lastly- as the relationship has progressed, I have become more and more "snoopy," "controlling," and a bit "obsessive" with the feelings my SO has for me. I feel like when this was still entirely brand new, and I cared less for him than I do now, I felt no need to feel like I was the centre of his universe, and we were happy. As time progresses, and things get deeper, I get more and more of the things I describe above. I do not mean or even WANT to be this way. Last question: how do I STOP the behaviors listed above, and return back to how I was? I know it's an insecurity I'm playing off on him, and I want to change it, but am unsure how..

 

Thanks in advance, this is a long post.

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I honestly don't think it is your relationship that is the problem as I believe it is more you two individually. This is not a shot at you at all, and I hope you don't see it as such. From what you have said, it sounds like you both have emotional instability problems, and need to work on that above all else. Some couples are fine as who they are, but only need to work out the kinks in their relationship. I believe you need to work more on you and not as much on the relationship.

 

 

Before I move forward with what else I want to say I need to know:

 

Who is manic depressive, both?

Who is bipolar?

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Do you really think it's all personality and things that can't be changed?

 

 

Oh no, definitely not. I believe that it is possible for you two to change. I'm sure since you both literally have chemical imbalances in your brain, that proper medication and a good psychiatrist will have something to do with that though. I have known a few bipolar people, and it has never been about getting to the point where you just wake up one day and all the sudden you are better thing. This is a life long battle, and what it comes down to is whether or not you want to be a part of that battle, or just sit by and do nothing. But from your post it sounds like you want to do something actively about it.

 

And as far as you all of the sudden feeling this great want to be around him all the time........Imagine the honey moon phase when it doesn't matter what happens, you still feel like your on top of the world with him. Now imagine you didn't enter the honey moon phase until you were with him for a little bit. Nobody ever siad you had to feel something at first sight.

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