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Overreaction!


coastgirl

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Ok, so this was a bit interesting...

 

Some friends were planning on going to another friend's house for a Memorial Day bbq. One friend, N, has had her car break down recently and was without a car this day.

 

Meanwhile, it's 10:40 in the morning, and other friend, Z, asks me to go surfing before the BBQ. So I agree.

 

Right after I agree to that, N asks me if I can give her a lift to the BBQ. I say sure, planning to be there at 2, probably pick her up at 1:40 but I"ll let her know if anything changes.

 

So we went surfing (asked N to come with us but she declined). It kinda got later than we thought, and we were interested in getting food before meeting up at the BBQ later (we were hungry, not in a super rush to get to the BBQ thing right on time). So I called N to let her know what was going on, and that we were really running late, wanted to get some food etc. N was kinda like, Ok. Then she texted us telling us that there would be food at the BBQ, but we had asked the host and she wasn't planning on starting the food until a few hours later. So we told N hey look we're really hungry we're going to grab some food. Then N texts me to "please hurry because she wanted to get some beach time in". (The orig plan was to hang out at the beach at the BBQ host's apt. complex, but we had JUST done that like 3 days before and we wanted to surf first instead. Plus, she lives walking distance to a beach).

 

So the food place forgets my order or something and stuff takes way longer than expected. We keep N in the loop and just let her know that we'll be a half hour longer. She inexplicably leaves on her bike, drops off the food she made for the bbq, and then leaves before we even get there. She told the host she wasn't feeling well. When we were ready to pick her up we kept trying to text and contact her, but she has been silent since. It's now over a day and we haven't heard from her. I have no idea what's going on. There were no definite plans set in stone at all, and the only time she asked me for a ride was that morning. So, I don't know what in the world is going on. There were only a few of us going to this bbq anyway, so it was a small gathering. I really don't know what we could have done to set this off because we kept her updated and how can she expect us to just plan our day around when she wanted to arrive at the bbq? Is she mad because we didn't all want to spend time at the beach? We had all just hung out at the host's house three days prior--spending time at the beach and surfing, so I don't understand why it was so important. It's not like we had set in stone what we were going to do. What can I do to attempt to smooth things over?

 

oh yeah, I am 25, this friend is early 30's.

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Don't buy into whatever drama may be going on and just forget about it.

 

As you say, you kept her in the loop, if she wants to make a big thing of it, then deal with it then. If she just wants to get all uptight and give you the silent treatment, let her.

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It's possible that she got the feeling that all her friends stood her up (for want of a better word), or were in a way ganging up on her. I know it's not the case, but from HER perspective, it could be seen that way. To her it felt like each time she called, she was given another excuse why they can't pick her up, or whatever. So in that regard, I can see it from her side (if indeed, she even feels that way).

 

The best way to deal with these things is to see her and explain things and apologize for any misunderstandings.

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Gotcha, and I can see that.

 

We definitely tried to keep her included as best we could. It's hard for me because I have another friend here without a car that I'm primarily responsible for driving everywhere. This time I just couldn't be the taxi driver ready at a moment's notice. I just recently did her a few favors and so it's not like I've been blowing her off at all. This just totally came out of left field.

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