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Cake and eat it too-Is it fair?


ladyjp

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So my b/f and I broke up about 4 months ago. Since then he has stayed in touch with me on a regular basis with texts and phone calls and even stopping by a couple times to see my new house.

 

Let me add, my ex b/f I found out after we dated a couple months lives with the Mother of his children who he says he is just roommates with no sex. However, during our relationship that lasted 8 mos. she called me and told me he was lying and they still sleep together and have sex. He denied it and said she just doesn't want him to move out. I did however catch him numerous times lying to her about being with me and I was never allowed at his house or to meet his children.

 

Now enter a new g/f he met when we broke up. He in the past month has been coming to my house spending time with me and spending the night and we have been intimate again. He tells me the new g/f is on its way out and he hasn't had the heart to tell her. He tells me she thinks he is gonna marry her and that there is NO WAY he is gonna do that. So, I think it is pretty much a done deal for the new girl and my ex boyfriend.

 

Last week he comes over and spends the night. A couple days later he is out with her and won't return my call when he is with her. Then I ask him to meet me out on the next Saturday and he says he is hangin with the guys only to find out he is with her.

 

Now, I know part of this is my fault but I know this new girl doesn't have a clue what he is up to. I am done with him but feel she has a right to know. Plus, why should he be able to go around playin everyone and breaking hearts along the way with no consequences? It is wrong. It took me over a year to find out who he is. I want to tell this new girl he has been with me the past few weeks while telling her they are the deal.

Why should he get to have his live in g/f , Mother of his kids, me, and the new girlfriend that doesn't HAVE A CLUE!

Am I wrong to tell her?

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Run and do not walk from that mess. I have been there and you will regret telling her in the long run. It's hard to do, but he has not been upfront and honest with you and shows you very little respect. He could care less! Just move on and do not look back!!!! He has her cake and is eating yours too. That should be enough for you right there!

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no, i don't think it's really your place to tell her. but i would walk away from him and this trainwreck!!!

Whos place is it ever gonna be though? I mean shouldn't somebody try to keep this from continuing? I wish someone would have hipped me up.

Why is it wrong to let her know what she is dealing with?

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Well it's tough because it makes you look pretty bad as well. I'm with you in a way but I'm sure she will find out about the 'not so ex' sooner rather than later so that will be job done. It also makes it look like a 'bitter ex' if you tell her. Depends on how well you know her I think.

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It didn't work when the live-in mother of his children got in contact with you and told you he was still sleeping with her.

You continued on with him after that.

 

Each has to learn on their own.

 

He's a loser and though you may be angry now; you need that energy for yourself. To move past this as quickly and harmlessly as possible.

 

Time to visit the clinic. Vent and unload to us and/or to close friends. But don't let him drag you in his center of gravity any further.

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It's not your place to tell her anything. I think you want to tell her because you kinda want to stick it to him but in all honesty she is going to find out what a louse he is just like you and his baby's mama did.

you are probably partly right, I want to stick it to him, but also it just really torkes me the people that go around breaking hearts and wrecking lives and don't even stop to think the effect they have had. It is like the bully at school that keeps bullying because noone has the guts to stand up to him/her and shut them down

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Who cares about her???? You care about you and getting treated like dirt. He is playing you like a fiddle and you are enjoying the dance. Have self respect and move on. If you tell her it may just drive him to really commit to her even more and think you are some type of a stalker. This type of thing can only have an unhappy ending and often backfires in the long run.

 

Bottom line.......he lied to you, it's over between you and him unless he controls the game, and why oh why would you want all that drama. Let her figure it out on her own. You already know and smart women would leave that scenerio.

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She would probably benefit from knowing. As for whether or not you should be the one to tell her...I don't know. I used to think "absolutely not under any circumstances" but I don't know if I believe that anymore. It's hard for me to endorse burying your head in the sand when you know someone is being cheated on. On the other hand, it might not be yours to tell. I'm not sold on either view really. Both have their pluses and minuses. It all depends on your own particular view on this. I don't think telling her would be wrong and I think she deserves to know. But she might not believe you so bear that it mind if you do tell her. You might not be the right person to tell her.

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It didn't work when the live-in mother of his children got in contact with you and told you he was still sleeping with her.

You continued on with him after that.

 

 

Each has to learn on their own.

 

He's a loser and though you may be angry now; you need that energy for yourself. To move past this as quickly and harmlessly as possible.

 

Time to visit the clinic. Vent and unload to us and/or to close friends. But don't let him drag you in his center of gravity any further.

 

excellent point

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I agree with other people here, it's not your business, HOWEVER, when I was in a similar situation with a jerk bf, I don't know how many times I wanted to call or email his exes to ask questions.

Some girls are cool like you and think that other girls shouldn't go through the same, but other girls don't give a crap about your opinion especially if she is still in love.

 

sooooo It's a tough question. If you ever get a chance to run into her, I might say something!

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No offense, but you were aware that he was with another girl when you allowed him to spend the night, and be intimate with you.

He may be having his cake, and eating it too, but you're doing your part in feeding it to him, and you're as much to blame as he is.

 

Why would you want to inform this other girl of what he's doing? You need to hold yourself accountable for what you did, also.

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Whos place is it ever gonna be though? I mean shouldn't somebody try to keep this from continuing? I wish someone would have hipped me up.

Why is it wrong to let her know what she is dealing with?

 

But really what are you going to solve? You save her from heartbreak MAYBE if she even believes you. And what if she decides to stick around because either she convinces herself or he convinces her to stay? You just involved yourself once again in this trainwreck for nothing.

 

OK well say she leaves. Men like this just move on to the next unsuspecting victim because they can't stick with one girl at a time, so they never form real attachments to deter them from stopping their behavior. (at least not until they decide to stop). He doesn't sound like he feels any remorse for his actions.

 

Just walk away already!

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Thanks to everyone that replied. It has all been a great positive reinforcement for me to MOVE ON and not waste one more minute on a big losser and louse as he is. That means, as everyone has agreed, not telling the girl anything she A. May need to know but B. Probably has to find out on her own.

I am a firm believer that water seeks its own level eventually and as WOWWOW said " The karma pie truck will come for him in due time and losing you for good might just be the first hit.

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mmmmm...... pie.

 

yeah. and to be honest, i don't even know if she would believe you, she might just view you as the bitter ex who doesn't want him to move on. then she'll confront him, and he'll just tell her you're a crazy liar psycho-stalker. it's probably better if she finds out for herself.

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mmmmm...... pie.

 

yeah. and to be honest, i don't even know if she would believe you, she might just view you as the bitter ex who doesn't want him to move on. then she'll confront him, and he'll just tell her you're a crazy liar psycho-stalker. it's probably better if she finds out for herself.

Yeah, agreed, he is a really convincing liar and very charming. I can just see her thinking " that physco girl is just jealous cause I have him and she doesn't".

Ugh- she is in for a ruuuude awakening!

 

ya- pie- yummmmy lol

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Yeah that's the thing with telling. Sometimes it works, other times, not so much. I know of one case in which one guy was seeing multiple women (telling all three that they were serious and exclusive). One found out somehow and told the others and all three ended things. It worked out in that case, but I wonder if that guy simply went on to lay his charm on other women. At least that initial bunch got out.

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