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Ok…I have been reading this website for about 5 mths since my ex of 5 years and I broke up. I was looking into ways of ‘getting back together’, and stood by the NC rule. During that time, I got stronger and proved to myself that there is life after him.

 

We were together 5 years, most of it great…some of it very hard. I loved him dearly despite of how he is. He is a very moody person, is too critical and judgmental of others including myself. He’s a workaholic and began to practically live at work. We took things very slow in our relationship as we met at work as coworkers. When he started up his own company I went on my own b/c we did not think it was professional for us to be in an employer/employee relationship and b/c of his nature I couldn’t work for him knowing how critical he is.

 

So, finally at the 4 year mark he asked me to move in. It wasn’t romantic at all, he just said we should probably do this and see if we can actually live together so that we can move forward with our relationship. Now, for a year or so I was having some serious doubts about him and up until late last fall I was imagining my life without him and recognized I was not happy and I didn’t think he was too. Everything went down hill after I moved in. We didn’t fight and it wasn’t ugly but we became more like roommates than a couple and we both shut down emotionally. A week and a half before xmas he initiated the break up and I felt some relief. He said he wasn’t happy and couldn’t do this anymore.

 

So I moved out right away and stayed with a friend till I found my own place in March. But during the month of December I began to feel horribly worse, major anxiety, I couldn’t sleep or eat. In a month I lost 25lbs. I began taking anti-depressants and started therapy which helped. When I started the meds I became extremely paranoid and I convinced myself that he had been seeing someone in particular (one of his employees!) and that was one of the reasons why we broke up as I thought there were too many coincidences, namely the biggest one was that she broke up with her b’f of 3 years at the same time. Ironically at his company party we were all talking and she was telling my ex and I that she thinks she could settle down with her b/f. But, he is older and she was feeling pressure to settle down b/c he is at a different stage in his life.

 

Did I mention she was 22? Well, she is. Ok….so I convinced myself that my ex’s morals were high and I respected he wouldn’t be stupid enough to date an employee. Fast forward a few months. I gave the ex all the time in the world to think things through b/c he said he needed time as he wasn’t sure if the break up was the right thing to do but that he needed time to sort out his emotions and I the same. So I didn’t see him for over 2 mths. It was the hardest thing ever but I did it….a week before the 2 mth mark he emailed me telling me he believed the decision he made was the right one..in an email? I have since called it the e-dump. I waited a few days then ripped him a new one. After 5 years together at least have the balls to call me if you can’t say it to my face. He has proved to be so selfish and I have become increasingly disappointed with him. Still at this point I kept a lot of my feelings to myself and I told him that at some point I will want to get those feelings out after I sort through them…thankfully with a good therapist!

 

A week before Easter weekend I had him over for dinner and we talked. It was hard but I said what I wanted to say and that was that I too wasn’t happy and I do believe that the break up was for the best. We are different people but I had hoped we can become friends down the road as I didn’t want to lose his friendship. One of the things I told him was about my paranoia with him and this girl at his work so I asked him if they were dating and he said no. I had a funny feeling that he was lying but I didn’t say anything. Now, just this weekend I get a call from him telling me he needs to talk to me about something. Ughhh…I pretty much knew what it was; he was going to confirm what I had thought all along. Everyone who I had talked to said it was impossible but I have friends at his work and they were saying that they thought something was going on. Well, it’s true. He has said they have been seeing each other a little less than 2 months and they were dating when I asked him but he said he had to deny it b/c of the work thing. I asked if he was having a mid life crisis, he has always kept personal/professional lives separate but since the break up he’s been hanging with the young, pretty dumb girls at work and he got himself a sports car. Have I mentioned he is 37…and this girl is 22 and very immature. He says she is quitting her job for him…a good job mind you and that he sees a future with her………. * * * ?

 

Now, I have heard he has introduced her to his whole family, and I am still very close with them and they do not know what to think. We’re all pretty concerned he is making a huge mistake but it is his life. People at his work are disgusted and concerned about his professional behavior, and they have lost a lot of respect for him. I have also heard that she’s going around telling everyone they have talked marriage. She will likely be moving in soon and he’ll be her sugar daddy. He is well established and she is just starting out so I don’t know if he feels the need to have a puppet in his life. I wasn’t that girl, I expressed my opinions openly and they often didn’t match with his beliefs which therefore he said something must be wrong with me, whatever…I’m a pretty positive person and he is not…but I never let him get to me.

 

My question is this…for anyone out there that is in a current situation or can relate to this, are these actions rationale? I guess it helps when you know the persons involved but he did a complete 360 and is not who I thought he was and I am having trouble comprehending this drastic change. I am concerned for him but he is not my problem anymore. He said he still wants to be friends and that he’ll always love me and cares a lot for me and will always be there no matter what. But I can’t be friends now. He has lied and betrayed me over and over. He seems to want me to believe and have my support that nothing happened while we were together but something must have, even if it was emotional. We were both very distraught over the break up but he waited 3 mths before starting something up and has jumped in full steam ahead. In the long run, if it works out than that is great. And I want to support him in this but it makes no sense. Besides the age difference, and the work relationship they are in completely different phases of life. Perhaps he is thinking b/c he is older he is desperately looking to settle down and have kids. Funny he couldn’t commit to me but is having no problem with a 22 year old. Oi…..that’s my story.

 

Sorry I have rambled and a part of me hopes that it crashes and burns on him. That would be all the karma and revenge I need. He’ll learn a very hard lesson and I have felt that I have been being punished for something while he is out having living this secret life. I’m trying to move on and when things are going well he pops up with some devastating news and it sets me back. Any thoughts, anyone?? Obviously I am not over him but I don’t want him back and I’m not a bitter jealous ex gf – just looking for opinions b/c I don’t know what to think anymore.

 

p.s. sorry for the no paragraphs! I have fixed.

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It sounds like you ended up finding comfort in your rut. You admit that it wasn't the best of relationships, but yet you still miss hi.

 

You had an old dirty blanket and now find yourself cold. You may have to be cold for awhile until you find someone else you can warm up to, but it will probably be worth it.

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Sounds like you're still in love with him. Now you're jealous because he moved on before you. To complicate things even worse any information, biased information, you can siphon off freinds you're reading into trying to justify your thoughts and position.

 

Let it go. He's with someone else. Move on with your life. You wanted out... welcome to the greener field.

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Yes, you’re right. I am still in love with him and likely jealous that he moved on before me. I am not jealous of the girl or their moving too fast relationship. However I don’t think I am siphoning information for my own benefit. People who know us both and who care are coming to me asking if everything is ok. It’s not normal behaviour but it is his life. I respect that but it’s just a lot to process in the meantime. I may have lost him but I didn’t want to lose our friendship.

 

In the end, the grass will be greener that is for sure. I’m sure my post read like a soap opera….I know it does. I have read many of those on this site too but it’s a public forum for which to ask for info and opinions. I asked and I got it.

 

I do appreciate it, thanks.

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No offense taken, IMAbadman. And I am in rant mode..ha! I just wanted to get the nitty gritty out. Not to get into another novel, but I went through a lot with this guy and stuck by him in some tough times and did all the right things a g/f should do to keep him happy. We had the potential to be great friends but I can't afford to be there for him right now. Maybe down the road we can be friends again. It hurts but your picture says it all. Love Sucks. At least this one did.........

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