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The Art of not Letting Go


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No, really. Not being able to let go is truly an art - carefully distilled methods.

 

It's been 7 months, and not a day goes by when I don't think about her. She lives in another city, and great ranges og mountains lie between us. I am only fueled by a couple of pictures I have of her. Everything else is memories. Her voice, how she moves, how she made me feel.

 

](*,)

 

So... Any tips?

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There's nothing easy about what I'm going through. My life goes on, and I've been with other girls. Do I have to wait until my next serious relationship before she stops haunting me?

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There's nothing easy about what I'm going through. My life goes on, and I've been with other girls. Do I have to wait until my next serious relationship before she stops haunting me?

 

no you have to make a consious effort to not think about her..

 

you have to make an EFFORT to move on.. you have to make an effort to ACCEPT that its over and there is no hope in getting back together..

 

you wont just wake up and be over "her" if you dont make an effort or a step in the right direction to be over her..

 

stop looking at her pictures.. delete them or throw them away.. dont you see your idolizing your past relationship and putting it on a pedastel? thats why your not getting over her..

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My 2 cents: it's ok to think about your ex. Meanwhile, however, make sure you do your best - and I really mean your best - to meet another girl twice as fantastic as your ex. When you'll meet her, you won't obsess over your ex anymore - you'll just remember the good ol' days with a smile.

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I don't think of her all night, and I don't wake up choking in my own tears. But this thought of "the One" springs to mind. The relationship was terrible, painted in the colours of infidelity and constant conflict. By the way, I was an undiagnosed bipolar at the time.

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Dude,

I was married 20 years, she walked 2 years ago, that's when I stumbled in here.

You will think of her, that is natural and part of healing, but you must let go, accept what has happened, she is gone. Accept that fact, I did.....finally.

 

Thinking of someone and remembering fondly the times shared is healthy and part of being a human. It's when we aren't able to smile at the memorie that we damage ourselves, our egos are tricky things.

 

Let go or be dragged.........

 

Peace

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I think letting go is one of the hardest things to do. You have to find it in your self, because I myself think oh if he came back I'd try again and this time would be great because I have knowledge of what to expect from him. Its BS... Because he only just did this to me last November, to take me back in March and then to do it again 3 weeks ago. It hurt just as much as the first time, if not worse. Sometimes I think that the only way ill forget him is someone else.. But that can't be right, going into a relationship with them as baggage is a no no. We should think of our self worth and what we deserve and someone who loved us wouldn't have walked out.. And if they did, it was meant to be and they are helping you find the person you are meant to be with for the rest of your life. The only thing we can do is be strong and keep fighting the fight.

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Getting back together is not an option. She is crystal clear and diamond hard on that point. I guess I'm just throwing some thoughts around here. For all I know, she's in a new relationship. So what about "the One"? As I said, the relationship was a rocky one, but I think about her at least once a day, and it's hard to imagine anyone else I'd rather marry. Hehe, weird? That's me.

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So what about "the One"? As I said, the relationship was a rocky one, but I think about her at least once a day, and it's hard to imagine anyone else I'd rather marry. Hehe, weird? That's me.

 

There's no such thing as "the One". That's a romantic notion not based on reality like "soul mates" or whatnot where people foolishly believe there is only one person in the world that truly makes them happy. That's a myth.

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OP - here's an exercise that helped me understand why it was so hard to let go, even months and months and months after the relationship was over and there was NC -

 

what does being attached to your ex help you avoid and what benefits is it providing you with?

 

For me it was :

 

I can avoid dating/getting to know new people - i.e. avoiding rejection

I can avoid developing an emotional bond to someone else - i.e. avoiding rejection and dealing with personal issues with commitment and abandonment that I have

I was too busy thinking about my ex that I didn't have time to study for my GREs and applying to grad school - avoiding self-discipline, feeling stupid I didn't do well and rejection

and so on..

 

Sure, I was depressed and miserable, but no matter how miserable that might be, but holding on was giving me a lot of benefits! Being in love is or the one, is often such a wonderful and sugar coated excuse for being afraid.

 

Just something to think about..

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There's no such thing as "the One". That's a romantic notion not based on reality like "soul mates" or whatnot where people foolishly believe there is only one person in the world that truly makes them happy. That's a myth.

 

Agree with ya and learned it from the bloody truth of these painful breakups. Romantic love never means lasting forever with only one person - that is just the utopian illusion. However, in the reality I saw people like that. I guess I'm just one of those less fortunate.

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There's no such thing as "the One". That's a romantic notion not based on reality like "soul mates" or whatnot where people foolishly believe there is only one person in the world that truly makes them happy. That's a myth.

 

There actually is one person in the world that makes someone truly happy...themself! Is there such a thing as "the one"...of course there is...many, many many people in this world married "the one" and were married to them for their entire life and were very happy. People negate the notion of "the one" because most people these days are into serial relationships...3 years with person A, 5 years with person B, 10 years with person C, 2 years with person D etc etc etc..and each person they loosely label as "the one" until they get bored, they cheat, there are a few rough times and they bolt etc....and that's not to mention the series of casual sexual encounters they have had with one-night stands and F buddies. That is why people are now cynical about "the one".....because people just bounce from one to the next to the next to the next.

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Very good point. Coming from a developing country and people tend to be more traditional. But now have to get used to the disposable culture in the developed world. Wonder what the reason is. Ironically I hoped my parents have arranged a marriage for me so that i don't have to bear with these headaches of disposable "love". Don't want to be bitter but seriously a lot of people are abusing the word of "love" nowadays.

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if you say that there was infidelity etc, then clearly she was not the one for you. Fear makes us cling to people/things/events and not let go. A lot of us operate on the notion that better the devil you know than to have nothing and live with your fears instead, but this is false and negative thinking

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I get rid of all keep sakes, photos, ect. of an ex with a few weeks of the breakup...gone, either at the bottom a drawer I never look in, or deleted off my computer of whatever. That's just how I have to deal with it....as it's not an artform at all, it's survival for me and the sooner I can get past it, the sooner I can heal. Otherwise, I get stuck in nostalgia and longng and that just prolongs the pain and the fuzzy thinking. That's just me....others here seem to be able to hang on to the positive memories and such and still move on. Not possilble for me if I'm the dumpee....

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