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A month tomorrow, my fiancee left me, no exact reason but one day she was there... the next she was gone...


We had been together for over 3 years, i've known her since primary school and we always got on well, 3 years ago i took a chance to ask her out and although she didnt say yes first right away, we got together and had 3 amazing years together!

I treated her like a princess, when we got engaged i took her on holiday to Corfu in Greece and proposed to her on the beach, she said yes and it was the happiest day of my life! I still remember walk down the beach with butter flies in my stomach before asking her.

Everything was going great and we came back off holiday and told our families, they were all happy as they liked her.


That was October last year... 7 months on im sat here alone...


Since she left me, shes told me all kinds of lies, i found out when we were together, she was talking to her old driving instructor (40 Years Old, 2 Kids and a failed marrage because of him cheating with a 17 year old learner), i found call records of her calling im up to 16 times a day and times ranging from 8am to 11:30pm! To boot that, texting him over 50 times in a day!


She isnt working after breaking her ankle in work and since her company has let alot of staff go, so shes unemployed through no fault of her own.


I asked her about the phone bills and she admitted yes she had been calling him, she had not called him those times, she looked me in the eye and told me they bills were wrong!

Now we have split up, shes told me she doesnt want anyone else and that she wants to be alone for a bit to get her head straight, 2 days later shes telling me she has feelings for this driving instructor, shes 21 as am I and hes 40!


I recieved her last phone bill before canceling her phone contract which i was paying for so she could communicate with friends, now there are calls last hours, some 3am etc.

Now to boot, shes told me she has feelings for him and if he said so, she would be with him now!!

They have started spending alot of time together, this guy has always liked her and cannot be trusted, but she cannot see it.


Im sat here now, suffering from depression with no one to help me, my life has falled apart, my job is going down the drain because i cannot consentrate... im losing control and theres nothing i can do.


I went out last nite for a drive and drove past them in his car, i snapped at that point, spun my car around and shot after them with every intension to do some damage to them both, lucky he got away because i honestly dont know what i would have done, i then parked up in a bus bay and cried my eyes out because im suffering and shes already moved on... All i keep thinking is she really didnt care about me, if she did she wouldnt be doing this to me.


I did everything for her, Holidays, paid her bills when she had no money, took her for meals every other day, got her Micheal Jackson 02 tickets.. i did all this to make her happy and shes ruined my life but my heart cant stop loving her... but i hate him!

Shes admitted when she moved in with me, 2 weeks before we split, she was texting him when i was asleep and thinking about him when she was in bed with me... That really hurts!


She lived with me for 2 weeks.. then left me... People have commented on how i am now... im just a shadow compared to how i used to be...



I need help

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Mate, I'm really sorry you are hurting. Sounds like she's let you down a lot.


I guess everyone is entitled to pursue the life they want, including her, but she hasn't taken your feelings into account by the sounds of it, in the way that she's done it.


For what its worth, i can't see anything lasting with him. But the damage is done. The best revenge you can have is to hold on to your dignity, and let her see you acting with grace and composure. Fall apart at home, with friends, with family and on here. But not in front of her.


I really feel for you mate. Keep posting. Don't contact her for a bit until your emotions settle. It will hurt. A lot.

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Whoa man.


I really feel for you at this time. I had a similar thing happen to me. It was October 2005. My fiance and I had been planning our wedding for over a year when I found out she was having an affair with a guy from work. We'd been living together for ten years, since we were 18, and had built a nice life and home for ourselves. This was about two months before the wedding. She'd been coming home after having sex with this guy in a hotel and we'd been picking wedding invites together, cuddling in bed telling eachother how we couldn't wait for the big day, planning a really great honeymoon etc.


I know exactly how you feel. A month after everything happened, I got her last mobile bill, I was paying for hers too, but I'd never looked before. She'd been the same, texts over 100 on one day, calls in the middle of the night for hours etc. The day I found out about the affair, she asked me to give her some time alone so she could call her mother. When I looked at the bill, she'd called him the second I went out the door.


These horrific revelations went on and on, and it sounds like they will for you too. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.


I'm sure you feel like your life is over, and I'm also sure that you are already tired of hearing people tell you that it's not. But it's not over. For sure, the life you had planned and the future you thought you had is gone and that's going to be tough to accept, you will have to mourn for it like mourning for a loved one. get yourself some counselling, somewhere you can let all this stuff out to someone who knows how to listen. A counsellor will also be able to ease you through this grief process. It's long and slow and very unpleasant, but you are young and have a great life ahead of you. THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

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you dont need help. you need someone stablized

im going to make a whole heap of assumptions purely based on what i have read. i take it you were her first sexual encounter. and she has gotten alot of attention from this guy. promising the world. he is 40 of course. and has money to throw at her. she is unemployed. now mr 40yr old will only be as happy as until he find the next girl thats is younger prettier and more gullable.


no offence, but thake this a s a gift. if she is that willing to just drop and go. imagine if this happened after 2 kids and a mortgage.


this sounds like a case of girl rings guy 2 years later. im sorry im sorry. you were the best thing. take me back. (and you will be so happy with someone else). that she will be forced to face the reality of what has happened, and in the mean time your life progresses better.


now advice.

FORWARD my friend. clean up the break. cut all ties, cut contact. start working on yourself. get fitter, get happy. reestablish friends and start networking. (not to meet someone new. but to meet new people in your life). through that social network, im, sure there will be someone that wants to be that girl on the beach. i thought i lost the love of my life. turns out there is a million more out thter. equally good. euqally individual, and unique.


im currenlty fighting feelings. but the thought of being on my own and being happy about it. keeps me going.

come join me. 2 months of NC (1 slip up just the other week). i feel great.

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Bud sorry for your pain and trouble. No one deserves this.


Listen, I'll skip the play by play and the pseudo psychoanalysis. I know it hurts but put that hurt to use… get ANGRY. Anger is more useful than despair.


Get pissed at the fact this trolope is and has been screwing this guy.

Get pissed that you got sloppy seconds.

Get pissed she has been wasting your cash with holidays, calls, texts, etc…

Get pissed that she has wasted your time.

Get mad, real frick’n mad…


Why? Because this will help you see her for who she really is. She is not this pretty little prim donna you make her out to be… she is a cheating, using skank. Don't you even consider taking her back! She'll see you as weak and use & hurt you again. She'll then leave a funny taste in your mouth from the next guy she's... well you get the picture.


Kick her out of the house. Dump her things in boxes put them on the curb. Delete her phone number, heck disconnect her phone. Tell everyone you come into contact with, that inquires about her, about her sexual escapades with the 40 yr. old and how she treated you, etc…


Give yourself a few months to heal and feel better. Then get back in the game. Find yourself a REAL woman and live a happy and fruitful life.

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You poor thing. Such a lot of deception. Xplode is right, the man she's with seems to pray on young girls, and will move on to the next sooner rather than later I'm sure. However, 21 is not that young and she should not have done what she did, or lie about it so much. Excuses such as she's being 'manipulated' or you were her first girlfriend and she wants to go out and experiment just aren't good enough.


There really ARE lots of women out there who won't cheat and lie and believe in being honest in finishing a relationship before another one starts it you're not happy. And guess what, if you're not happy the least you can do is discuss it and try and work out if there's anything you can do other than let it go rather than pretending you're happy and messing about with someone else. She didn't even give you that courtesy.


That's the objective viewpoint and I know you are hurting really badly right now. A lot of people on here swear by NC to give yourself time to heal but you must fill your time with things that need your concentration, and spend time with friends and family, so that every waking moment is not painful as you think about this and analyse it all the time. It DOES help and the pain eases off gradually. When you start realising that she did not deserve you and that as another poster said it was better to find out what she's capable of now rather than 2 kids later, that's when you'll be on the mend.


Take care and *hug*

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i want to get angry at her for what she did, but i cant, i hate the other guy more, i feel i want to hurt him so that then hurts her.. that would give me great satisfaction!


Ive been to the doctors and been give pills to help me sleep, i look and feel like utter rubbish, she consumed such a large part of me for so long i feel empty inside, all i can think is why... why.. why...... WHY!!!


I could understand if i had treated her badly but i didnt... everyone has told me that.. even her own mother!


I just so lost without her, i wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy


All i ever asked her for is to be loyal to me and dont lie to me... thats all i wanted and in return i would do my best for her... was that too much to ask for??? I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her

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I am really sorry for the pain your feelings. We have all been there at one point or another. The best thing i can tell you is to just leave things be. If you go after and hurt this guy, it will only prove more against you why not to be with you. Think of it as her loss man. I know your in tons of pain but look at all the messed up things and lies she has done to you. Can you really love someone who was wanting someone else while living with you? Come on man, wake up. If anything use that anger to give you a reason why your better off without her.


Honestly the best weapon against her is to get your act together, change up something about yourself. Buy some hot new clothing, get a new style of hair or make over of some sort. Boost up your self esteem. If she sees or hears that your doing really well and looking good and dating again, this will be the biggest bash to her and im sure by then you will be completely over her. I have been where you were with my ex fiance and i never thought i would get over it but i followed the advice im giving you and was over her in a heart beat, meeting more women and having the time of my life. Now ive met my perfect partner and you will too. Just know you desereve better!

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Wow, I'm so sorry... She's crazy. And someday she is going to realize what she has done and she will come back. And by then, I hope you have the strength to say no, because what she did is not right. I know how you feel.. I was with someone for 7 years (not engaged or anything), and he just broke up with me over a text last week and has been ignoring me ever since. I'm so hurt and I love him so much, I can't get over all the good things about him. But what my friends keep telling me, and what I'm going to tell you is that you need to focus on the bad right now, and be mad at her. Don't be mad at him, he's just some scum bag. She's the one who deceived you. You need to hate her for what she's done right now... Do you really want to be with someone who did that to you? Even if you do take her back you will always have that pain in the back of your mind, and you shouldn't have that with ther person you are going to spend the rest of your life with... You are young, it will take you awhile to get over this, but you have plenty of time to get through it and meet someone who will appreciate you as much as you appreciate them. Hang in there!

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I got the chance to speak to her father yesterday, we never got on well, at one point he hated me. He told me that he doesn't even know who his daughter anymore because she's changed so much. He also said he doesn't blame me for the break up.. This coming from a guy who doesn't really like me... The made me alittle happier but I still can't think straight, I can't get them both off my mind and how they screwed me over!!!!

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Well I've popped to let the people who gave advice know how I'm doing.. I'm still at utter mess.. But I start therapy tomorrow and been put on mess to help me relax... I've Also put my foot down, she rang me with other day and I broke down, I cried like a baby, I told her how I felt about her, that I loved her more then life it's self. She listened but then I told her that after Monday (tomorrow), i'm home alone all day and if she feels anything for me in her heart she will come and see me and we can try and work things out as adults.. She went very quiet because I've never said this to her before... I left it at that, I told her the choice is completely up to her but I'm begging her to come bk ( I don't have any pride left).


I mean every word of it, I don't want to lose her but I cannot sit back and watch her screw around with this other guy.. So it's a matter of waiting... I really hope she comes over... I will be devastated if she doesn't...

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