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if people suck at making friends, why is this the case?


sanadee

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Nervousness as well as shyness. It sucks, at some point you wished you were kinda popular. I bet those people with many friends or extrovertes celebrities have it so easily. They can talk about anything and keep long conversation.

 

Both people have to be involved in the conversation to make it a long one. It's not your fault really

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Being more mature or intelligent than the average person your age. You'll have a difficult time getting their humor and you won't have the same interests.

 

Try having a moral compass where honesty is more important than lying to save the face of another. It makes people respect you, come to you for help to fix something, but it makes you the friend no body likes unless they need you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'll list some of mine... not just to criticise myself. That's just an added bonus.

 

- shy, anxiety

- I know I'm not good enough

- people always have better people to turn to than me

- in 1-on-1 situations there's always that awkward silence and it just kills me inside when it hits. Am I so boring and useless that I can't get a conversation going, and nobody wants to talk to me? Yes.

- I tend not to like mainstream things like popular sports or popular music.

- I don't drink and clubbing is difficult due to noise

- I'm permanently ill with several problems and it makes me irritable

- depressed

 

These are all good reasons. You probably only identify with a few. Good work! Remember, you could identify with them all!

 

...

 

 

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I can relate to a lot of those of Proactive Paradigm.

 

I am very friendly and open, especially to those I work with. I smile a lot. I know that the people there like me, at least most of them. But I feel like everyone I know is more of an acquaintance than a friend, and it bothers me. It is hard for me to make friends. I want to go out to a movie, I never have anyone to go with, and if I ask someone, well, the answer is always the same, they already went to see it with someone else.... I am known to be quiet, and enjoy people who openly talk to me, since I don't know what to say half of the time, or even what to ask, unless I know you well enough I have some ground info I can use. Even then when I try to ask questions I tend to get one sentence liners, or the conversation fizzles out quickly. At my work the new people seem to make friends with everyone else so easily, and they always end up going out and having a good time no matter what. People in my department develop good buddies with one another, and I end up being the one left out of everything from conversations, to hang outs, to even having someone to go on lunch with. I know I am not a partying type or into clubs, but I like to go out to eat, see movies, bowling, chill, etc. and all that other fun stuff. I never get asked. If I bring it up it sounds like a good idea to everyone, but it never happens. It sucks not having "friends".

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One thing that really kills an otherwise good friendship is being too clingy. I've had to let a few otherwise good friendships "go" because the other person relied on me too heavily for their social life and I was too busy to provide the time they wanted and took it personally. That being said, I'm also an introvert who doesn't need as many friends as the average person. From time to time I get lonely, but because so many of the things I like to do are solitary activities I'm fine being by myself most of the time and going out with people once, maybe twice a week.

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I've never had a problem with someone being clingy, but I am also more of an introvert. Growing up quiet and shy, I was more of a loner, so my life adapted around solitary activities as well. I am content gardening and sitting out enjoying the work I put into it, going and getting some exercise on my bike around the block, surfing the computer, etc. Unfortunately since I don't put myself out or seek friends, that is probably another reason I don't have any at the time I need to get out and do something. Sadly the times I do get lonely, it hits me hard, and then I get depressed and turn into a wreck at times.

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