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Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

Hello again everyone. So if anyone has read my threads I have been in a rollar coaster relationship for about 2 years now. This guy broke my heart in November.. And I begged and wanted him back for four whole months. When I finally was getting over him and had met someone else, he came back and promised everything would be great. I took him back.. And we were happy for two months.. And then he dumped me out of the blue and after only 3 days of dumping me, he went out kissed a girl and danced with her. Now I always took his rude and mean sides because he had never gotten with another girl and for some reason that kept me to him. Now everything has changed. I just want to get over him but it seems impossible. I have a huge problem where I always message him.. I overthink things and just message him, he even expects it from me. I want to be strong and finally move on for good... But knowing what he did (hooking up with that random girl and taking her number) makes me message him even more. I feel so much hurt and pain and I want him to be sorry when I message him, but he isn't. He has stated to me "I want to experience other girls.. I know I love you but I would regret being with only you my whole life". He is 23. I can't forgive him though and I don't want to be with him later in life. How do I get over him though? Why does knowing what he did make me message him more? Shouldn't I be angry and strong? I'm so conflicted with my feelings and no matter how hard I try I message him.. And he knows this and he knows that even though he doesn't want me, he has me in the palm of his hands. I'm going to try to start NC to heal tomorrow... I just need help I truly finally want to do this.

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Turn that hurt that you feel about him with the other girl into anger for right now, think about how he didn't think of you when he did it and that you don't deserve that! You deserve someone like you who wouldn't be out with another guy. Think of all the things he has done to hurt you and realize that calling him is just making him feel good that he still has you, don't call or message him let go. He will be crawling back and you won't want him anymore because he is a immature little boy. You need someone who cares about you and cares if you are hurt. Give it a couple weeks of no calling and no messaging and finally the need will subside a bit, you won't even want to talk to him anymore.

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i know it's hard, but if you continue to message him, you are not TRULY letting go. If you want to let go, you really need to let go. I know how you feel, i have been debating on whether or not to email my ex-husband, but all signs point to NO in my case. Although it is extremely hard, I just know that it would take me 10 steps backwards. Please be strong. I know how much it hurts. Hang in there.

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Whenever you want to call post here, I will follow your posts and talk you out of it. My boyfriend is an a hole too, he got back with me promised me the world and DUMPED ME like trash. He's a loser, at first I was crazy psycho calling him over and over again. I then realized I'm only giving him satisfaction, he doesn't deserve it!

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Thanks so much coco.. I'm going to honestly try my hardest. You may laugh but 5 days is the most I've gone without contacting him. You wouldn't imagine the things he did to me. One minute he told me he loved me, the next he was saying he wanted to **** other girls and then the next minute he would say I won't get with a girl until I find the right one. Like it makes me SO mad that I was a perfect girlfriend, but yet he thinks there is a better catch out there. He is disgusting and deserves 0 of my attention. I think I stress out and message him because I no he will never contact me. I should be happy with this though after the rollarcoaster he put me in for this whole year but for some reason I want to hear from him. I mean tonight we had our "last goodbye", and the whole time he just wanted to get off the phone.. He didn't even care to give me answers. I'm so disgusted that it took him 3 days being single to do what he did... BUT why can't I stay mad? Why do I get hurt and start to cry. I'm such an emotional mess

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Also. I am very embarassed to admit this.. But even after what he did, I begged him back and tried to make him see I was the one. He still continued to reject me. I feel gross about it, but I always feel this loss in my stomach and then I just want to have him back so I message him trying to get him back. I mean do you no how gross he is and what I do NOT understand? I msg him my final goodbye and in it I ask him not to reply and that I don't want to hear from him again ( that is the last msg I wrote to him tonight). 5 minutes later he replies bye to me and calls me by my nickname that he uses for me, AFTER I asked him not too reply? So why would he do that? Is it some control thing so that ill answer again? Why use my nickname? To upset me or lure me more? I don't want to analyze but I don't get it!

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Don't feel embarrassed, I've done crazy things for my ex too so don't feel bad at all. But tonight ends it all, please cut off all contact that you can so you can heal. I don't care if he calls apologizing or wanting to be back with you because he is not good for your self esteem or your happiness. You need a man that's not going to make you cry. You deserve that much sweetie. I know no contact is hard at first, trust me I'm doing it now but in time, this man will be a distant memory.

 

Gain control of your life back. Don't feel bad or over analyze anything, just realize you made a mistake. If you feel like contacting him, post on here.

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Hi,

 

im currently letting go of someone, im crazy in love with. simply put out of sight. out of mind.

everything you associated with him, will eventuallly be replaced with friends other means of enjoyment. keep really busy. make as many new friends as u can . work out. excersise. - power release all the tension. and cry.. i cried, im a guy i do it my own time. im allowed to miss her. but im not showing her that. now 2 months later. i cant physcially cry anymore... i dont see the point. i cant work myself up to be that sad over her anymore. you will too. stay strong and time heals all wounds. so just live as best as you can. minor cures to being alone. (what ill be will be.) dont hold hope to him changing his mind. it most probably wont happen.

 

all the best, look forwardd to hearing how WELL your progressing =)

 

thoughts are with you

X-

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Here is my day 1. I just woke up and felt like hell. I'm thankful that Atleast I am sleeping again and eating a little bit. As I have said before, I truly want to get over this man. He has made me cry and hurt me more then one person should ever. I was thinking about our last conversation on the phone. He always says that he "loves me". So I asked him, "do you believe I love you?"... And he replied, "yes." and I asked him why he believed I loved him. He replied, "because you are always so nice to be and never hurt me no matter what". I then said, "ok if that is what love is, then how to you believe you love me".. And he went silent and was like, "I think about you all the time, so maybe I'm only attached...maybe I don't love you". I don't believe for the two years he ever loved me. When you love someone you shouldn't hurt the person the way he was hurt me. I mean even after taking a girls number (his first night back out in the clubs and we were still together).. And even after only 3 days of him breaking up with me (kissing and dancing with that girl and taking her number)... I still never told him off. My last message to him went like this, "I was thinking about how you said you wanted to experience other girls because knowing you only had me, wasn't enough. Your now free to go ***** any girls. I believe in true love and I think the next guy who gets me will be lucky because that is what true love is. Do not message me back, I do not want to hear another word from you. I am going to move on and stop loving you. Goodbye now"... And 5 minutes later her replies, "I knew you would message me! Haha! Ok. Bye *calls me by my nickname he made for me* now". I mean I know he only did that to get into my head for some power control trip because he believes I will always be there... But why couldn't he leave it? After all the hurt he needed to do more? I'm ranting I no.. But this is what is going through my mind

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I have a thought. Is this how you want your future husband to be? Is this something your future children should have to experience? In a way, I was like him before, and I asked myself those questions. Is this the kind of husband I want to be? Is this good modelling for my children? So I slowly started to change. Consider the situation from a bird's perspective. Does this look the way it should for you?

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Not at all. But I kept holding on and still do because when its convient for him, and when he starts to miss me, he turns into the guy I fell in love with. It doesn't make sense how we were perfect for two months and he even talked about us moving in together next summer and all the crap like that only to dump me. His emotions are almost worse then mine... When he feels I'm willing to accept he will say, "maybe in the future just not now" and he has also told me... "when I'm ready to want you back ill fight for you and I KNOW ill win you back". None of this is fair to me... I want to move on and find someone who will really love me and treat me how I deserve... A lot of guys call me goregous and whatever (I'm not bad looking and I model) NOT that any of that matters... But he has torn down my self worth and who I am. He has told me, "all guys are the same.. Stop being so innocent we all just want girls".. So I believe that... It kills me how much he has ruined me as a person.... I want to finally be strong and just do this for me... But I still even this morning on only my FIRST day Nc want to message him.... This is horrible.. I have no respect for myself. I wish I was strong .

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I work in a prison. Many of the women there are basically victims of abusive men in one way or an other. I'm not saying you're heading for prison, but I find it interesting how women hold on to alfa males, ESPECIALLY because they are mistreated. Mr. X has a firm grip on you, and that can be very appealing to women - men with power (over them). And this may be why you feel weak. Because the man's too strong. Remember this. You feel weak - that doesn't mean that you ARE weak. It could just as well mean that something or someone has managed to overpower you. And that might be you future, but you have the power of choice here. That is something he can never take from you, save by physical force.

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Wow. That message really hit home. He does have full power over me... So how do I take back my power.. Will it ever come back? Before him I was confident and he knew that in the first year we were together, he would have never took a girls number because he knew I would be gone in 2.5 seconds... I don't no how I let him take all the power to the point where he can do and say whatever he wants to me and ill always be there.

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Personal boundaries. Very important term here. Very many people need control on all levels - especially in relationships, because one is at one's most vunerable in a relationship. It seems as though Mr. X has been pushing your personal boundaries to gain control over you. That way, he is more comfortable because he's calling most of the shots. He knows how you work, and he clearly takes advantage of this. I'm not saying he's doing this concioussly, but he should start to question the effect he has on people in his life. What you should do, is start fresh and build up your personal boundaries again. And never EVER let someone push them without letting them know that's what they're doing.

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I feel so horrible, because over this last year we have broken up and got back together a lot. I always told him, the moment he touched another girl that I was gone. He dumped me and three days later touched another girl.. But yet I still begged him back. I took away all my boundaries. I even tried to justify what he did to me. I should see that he doesn't deserve my tears for abusing me for a full year.. But he still has a hold over me. It disgusts me for him to say, "when I want you back i'll fight for you and I know i'll win"... I want to be fully moved on for that moment *IF* it does happen, but I 90% believe he won't ever come back again.

 

He is so happy in his life without me. He has alot of money, semi-famous, friends, good family.... I know its not normal to wish this upon someone.. but sometimes I wish he could feel the pain he makes me feel. He has even told me that even though we are broken up, it would hurt him if I touched another guy. I feel that this is just another control thing from him, giving me a guilt trip so I won't find anyone. The sad thing is he is already in my head, he already has full control over me. I see so many posters going strong NC, and im struggling with my first day.

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Wow. That message really hit home. He does have full power over me... So how do I take back my power.. Will it ever come back? Before him I was confident and he knew that in the first year we were together, he would have never took a girls number because he knew I would be gone in 2.5 seconds... I don't no how I let him take all the power to the point where he can do and say whatever he wants to me and ill always be there.

 

You can take back your power. From today kick him to the curb and say to yourself: screw him. Then go no contact at all costs. Whenever you want to call write down something, e.g. a letter, about what you want to say to him, but never send the letter out. Also intentionally I try to stir up my anger so that I feel disgusted if I ever contact him. Nowadays I feel disgusted even when I think about him. I feel so happy that I don't have to deal with a selfish man anymore. It worked for me and if I can do it you can too! When you focus on YOURSELF, you take back your power. Believe me, NC is hard at the beginning, but once you stick to it you'll feel powerful again. Ignoring them and standing up for yourself is the only way to make controlling men feel bad.

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Just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I'm going through something similar at the moment, and I can identify with a lot of what you're feeling. I've had my fits of craziness in a desperate attempt to get my ex's attention/sympathy. I've felt like a worthless piece of crap due to low self esteem because of things he said. Don't let this bring you down.

Just realize that not everything is your fault. It may not even be his fault. Maybe it's just something that didn't work out. I think the best thing to do is to stop over analyzing, accept it, and move on. Though I realize how much easier it is to say that than to do it. I really hope you find the strength.

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Don't feel embarrassed, I've done crazy things for my ex too so don't feel bad at all. But tonight ends it all, please cut off all contact that you can so you can heal. I don't care if he calls apologizing or wanting to be back with you because he is not good for your self esteem or your happiness. You need a man that's not going to make you cry. You deserve that much sweetie. I know no contact is hard at first, trust me I'm doing it now but in time, this man will be a distant memory.

 

Gain control of your life back. Don't feel bad or over analyze anything, just realize you made a mistake. If you feel like contacting him, post on here.

Yup I did a lot of stupid stuff after my ex treated me like crap. I begged him called him 20 times in a row..the works, She just have to stop.

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Ugh. I feel absolutely disgusting right now. I got really mad and for the first time in our relationship I told him off.. I sent him a message that I think he is a gross manipulative pig. He kept replying "bye baby" and when I would say to stop and leave me the **** alone, he would say "bye my love"... He put my back into his little trap... I no I shouldn't have broke my first day of contact... But I wanted him to have all my anger and no what I think of him.. Is that so bad? I'm going to try my hardest and leave it at that now.... But I don't believe he deserved a nice goodbye from me so I told him what I thought of him in a nasty way and now I feel better... Am I a gross person for this Did I go down to his level...

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Leave him alone. Just leave him alone. The more you show him your anger the better he feels! Do NOT contact him anymore. Just think, you just gave into your need to tell him off, and you did. Do you feel better?

Chances are, you don't. So remember that next time you feel like telling him off or contacting him. It only makes things worse. Just let it be.

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I'm in your boat...trying so hard to not contact my ex...because i know he doesnt want to offer me anything concrete and just wants to "see". I know he hasnt missed me nearly enough and hasn't come to terms still with what he truly wants.

 

But I have trouble with the no contact everyday! he's treated me like I am so expendable and like time with me doesnt really matter-that he can get by on little scraps from time to time...and I still want him! I feel pathetic, believe me. But you will get stronger with everyday that you just leave him alone. He is the one that needs to come to terms and be prepared to move mountains if he is ever going to come back! If not, then don't waste your time worrying, just try to keep busy and make a good life for YOU. That will speak volumes in the end!! Stay strong, I'm right here with you!

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Your right... I don't know what got into me, I thought about what he did and got so angry... I told you I wasn't strong.. Ugh. Start over again.

 

You ARE strong. NC is not easy! But you've admitted that you are worth more than his bull * * * * , and you want to get over it. That's a first step.

Just remember how unsatisfied you still feel right now, after giving in. Use that for next time!

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Thats all you can do!! Start all over and begin again for yourself! They say the best revenge is living well, I'm gonna work on me and see where that goes. Don't let him toy with you!! Even if he calls you ignore it, I'm gonna try to do the same...it sucks major, because i love and and want to be with him, but my heart is more valuable than taking him up on offers he may never be able to grow into a relationship with promises and treatment that i deserve. I'd rather be alone and content with myself than to worry if he's still wanting me or interested in trying when he does nothing to reassure me!

 

Work on YOU. Make YOU happy and ignore him!

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Canesgirl, thanks for the response.. I struggle because deep down I don't forgive him, but I also really want him back. No good came out of me being rude to him, I have no idea what I wanted to achieve... This is my first love and first heartbreak, so I'm in an emotional fight with my head and feelings everyday. He always calls me "drama queen".. I'm starting to feel like one

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