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Should I ask him out a second time?


COtuner

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This is going outside protocol as I'm used to it... I asked the guy out the first time. If I asked him out again would that look desperate or pushy, or should I sit back and hope that he asks me?

 

I've never succeeded asking someone out twice so I'm thinking it's not acceptable for a female to do that. He's not shy or anything, just really busy. It took 3 months for us to synch up the first time.

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Just wondering what people think about a woman asking out a guy for both the first and second dates? There's really no story here - just the question.

 

If you BOTH had a great time on the first date and he seemed receptive to you, then I see no problem with you asking him out.

 

Go for it. Nothing to lose.

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The last time I took the lead, the guy never went out with me again, even though he was all into me the first few days afterwards. So I'm scared that it's a total turnoff to a manly man for the woman to take the lead (and he is very much a manly man!!)

 

That's why I posted the question - I've been stewing over it all weekend

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I don't see why you can't ask him out again, but you can give him a few days to ask you out then?

 

Any suggestions on how long? It's been 6 days, but he's been out of town on vacation. If a guy was asking me out, I'd generally expect something within 3 weeks.

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the way i see it, if a guy is turned off by a girl taking the lead, he's not my kind of guy. what about you?

 

 

i asked a guy out when he took too long to decide between me and some girl. this was back in gr 7. i got the guy. the other girl sat around and waited, lost. woo!

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the way i see it, if a guy is turned off by a girl taking the lead, he's not my kind of guy. what about you?

 

That's how I feel too; whoever takes the lead though, there needs to be effort on both parts all around.

 

Did you follow up on the date at all? Just a quick "had a great time, blahblahblah"? That is how I gauge generally. If he doesn't respond to that, and in a reasonable amount of time, I've found he's usually just not interested enough (for me).

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That's how I feel too; whoever takes the lead though, there needs to be effort on both parts all around.

 

Did you follow up on the date at all? Just a quick "had a great time, blahblahblah"? That is how I gauge generally. If he doesn't respond to that, and in a reasonable amount of time, I've found he's usually just not interested enough (for me).

 

Yes, I did. He had suggested I do a couple things with him, but no explicit, "What are you doing next Thursday" or whathaveyou. Given that both of us are extremely busy people, we postponed and rescheduled the first one about 10 times over several months. I think between us we each have about 2 free hours a week on average that are in common.

 

I'm not good at trusting that guys who say, "Let's go do this sometime" or "why don't you come along the next time I...." actually mean it. I find it hard to have faith now that the guy actually will want to be with me. (thank you to my exes for that)

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If you can wait for 3weeks, you might wanna wait. It's true some guys get intimidated by women taking lead. Personally 2 weeks is my limit

 

Thanks coyote (good choice of name - we have a lot of coyotes around here). So we have a vote for wait and see, and a vote for go ahead and ask him again...

 

It is definitely strange for a woman to ask for first and second dates - I don't think I know anyone who has done both. I guess in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't matter, as long as he says yes and we have a good time. But yet I'm betting guys think it's off-putting...

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That's how I feel too; whoever takes the lead though, there needs to be effort on both parts all around.

 

Did you follow up on the date at all? Just a quick "had a great time, blahblahblah"? That is how I gauge generally. If he doesn't respond to that, and in a reasonable amount of time, I've found he's usually just not interested enough (for me).

 

true. you don't want to keep on asking him out even though he's always lukewarm, but seeing as though they're so busy... i'd give it one last shot.

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true. you don't want to keep on asking him out even though he's always lukewarm, but seeing as though they're so busy... i'd give it one last shot.

 

It's not a last shot - we did have one date. This is just wondering if it's ok to ask him on the second date.

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But yet I'm betting guys think it's off-putting...

While I'm used to doing the asking, I wouldn't be offended if the woman initiated the first and second dates.

 

But since it's only been 6 days, I think you should wait at least another week before asking him out for a second date. Sometimes us guys are pretty clueless about a woman's desire for a quick turnaround (see my thread on 'waiting too long to call').

 

If he hasn't contacted you by then, and he's a 'manly man', then you may have to consider that he isn't interested. Of course it won't hurt to try, so long as a rejection wouldn't bother you.

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Update. I did not ask, I gave up. Despite having had a really great idea for a second date. Not going to try and explain why that hurts so much. Did want to status and thank everyone for their advice and input.

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Update. I did not ask, I gave up. Despite having had a really great idea for a second date. Not going to try and explain why that hurts so much. Did want to status and thank everyone for their advice and input.

 

I don't think you gave up by not asking him for a second date. I think you decided that you are worthy/beautiful in that you want/deserve a man that is both gentlemanly and chivalrous to ask you out. That is not giving up. That is focusing on what you want as a woman. I certainly see that as a major plus/positive about you.

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