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is this all there is?


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I am a widow of over 4 years. About 6 months ago I met a man. I wasn't looking for one, he just appeared. He is my first relationship. He is a few years younger than I, divorced for 7 years, with a very bitter feeling towards his ex & the whole 'marriage' issue. I am not looking to marry (I would lose my pension) but want something other than a bed-buddy relationship.


This man is comfortable with us, considers us an exclusive partnership and cares for me. I guess my problem is that he's tooooo comfortable? He's content with eating out a few nights a week and occasionally sleeping over.

He hasn't slept over in almost three weeks, and we've only had sex once in the past two weeks. If I invite him to make love, 4 out of 5 times he's too tired. I quit asking, it's too depressing to be turned down over & over & over.

I'm beginning to know what married men feel like.


I have talked to him about this, he doesn't see a problem. He says he doesn't need as much reassurance (proof) of our relationship/love as I do. And that he doesn't understand why I need so much. Lately, he doesn't even try to understand my view, he says every 3-4 weeks I start in with the same old questions/concerns and he's growing tired of it.


Is he avoiding this level of intimacy to protect his heart from being trommpled on? Is he trying to keep from admitting to himself he needs someone?


I am the only person in a relationship that can be changed-- and I'm not sure I can adjust myself to being content with this semi-platonic, semi-adult relationship. I have no other offers, but I cannot seem to get the point accross that this level of passion/romance/intimacy/whatever is not working well for me.


Is this all there is?

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Hi Chelsea,


It seems to me like something is troubling him. Try taking some time to speak to him about it. He may be evasive at first, so don't push too hard. Be patient.


I believe in time he will tell you what is bugging him. You could also take this opportunity to find out what are your goals percieved in this relationship. It is best to be heading in the same direction yah? Best of luck!

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To me, it sounds a little like performance issues. I am just guessing at the age group here, but with words like pension.....widow....that sort of thing, I am guessing he may be at an age where the testostome (I am a bad speller) level may have dropped. Could this be the case? It might not have one single thing to do with you, or being rejected.


Might be an avenue to investigate (very gentle like) lol ;-)



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