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Can a relationship build up to being great over time, or must it be love/infatuation from the start?


charlesandray
5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships

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I'm hoping some of you can share your experiences with me to help answer the question I posed.

 

In my past, I've always jumped into relationships. It's the same scenario in all of my past relationships: as soon as we met, we had instant chemistry, and seemingly became committed overnight. All the butterflies and crazy infatuation were there and usually love followed after. I guess I am trying to make the point that as far as what my personal construct of a successful relationship is, it's always been instantaneous.

 

Is this always the case though? I now find myself in something a little different and am wondering can it grow- if it's not huge fireworks from the beginning, does this mean it's not going to work?

 

I met the person I am currently seeing 3 months ago, and the beginning was like those fairytale stories. However, a month into the relationship he went away for business for 5 weeks. The distance and time seemed to take a toll, as those feelings of crazy infatuation were sort of dulled down. We decided to take things a little slower when he got back as a result.

 

So here I am now. He's been back now for 3 weeks. We still hang out (at least 4 times a week), still affectionate (although a little less), great physical chemistry, have fun together, laugh a lot, etc but I can tell since being back he is somewhat emotionally reserved. When I asked him about it, he says that being apart for the month made him over-analyze the relationship, and he freaked out that it was moving so fast, so he now he wants to slow things down a bit to let it grow over time in a healthier way. Also, I think just being apart from me resulted in some of his feelings diminish since we didn't have a strong foundation to begin with- I mean it was only a month we were together before he left.

 

I don't think he's giving me a line, we really do spend a lot of time together, and include each other in all aspects of our lives. I can just tell that the rush he had when he met me- that sort of unbridled desire to let his guard down and give in has gone somewhere. You know- the dumb googly eyes kind of stuff is not there as much. It's like it's the him I knew before he left, just slightly different.

 

I can't help but feel rejected, and given that my only experience with relationships are ones that move at warp speed, I feel like maybe this is a dead end- especially since it started off so strong.

 

Am I completely naive to think this? Do any of you have stories of relationships building slowly, or that you were unsure of the person you were with in the beginning and then over time found yourself falling deep? I just feel like everything I see/hear are stories of people meeting instantly, having crazy infatuation and boom they are in love!

 

I really do want to try and understand different types of relationships, and not freak myself out by thinking what I have now is bad, or can't grow into something wonderful. And even in more general terms, I'd like to know if relationships do not in fact, happen overnight like I seem to think.

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When I met my partner 5 years ago, there was no chemistry or attraction on my part. It was different for him..but for me, there wasn't anything.

We kept bumping into each other through a mutual friend, and she was adament that him and I went out together..and she eventually set us up one night.

It was awkward, I wasn't interested in him that way because I just didn't feel it.

 

We continued to hang out as friends...and eventually started spending time together alone, several times a week, going on 'dates', and we really got to know each other over those few months.

 

He pushed the 'relationship' issue, and I was hesitant because of the age difference, I had no relationship experience, and I was just..scared.

But the truth was..he was everything I wanted in terms of a partner, personality, we just..clicked. And we essentially were having a relationship and it progressed naturally.

 

I am really happy.

We met, became friends, dated and took many months just getting to know each other, and we built a beautiful foundation which I owe our success to...

 

The only reason why I was so hesitant was because I would have thought there needed to be fireworks and butterflies the minute I saw him for the first time.

 

We have an awesome relationship, the chemistry that came with time has been so intense at times its unbelievable. People comment it on it.

 

I know some people need that initial chemistry and attraction, but the attraction came with time. And from that came chemistry.

 

It worked for me...and its been the best 5 years of my life and we're looking to start our life together in the next year.

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you know, my firiends whos relationships have been going strong even after a couple ofyears have all told me they started out as just friends and the relationship grew from there and it got more intense

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Absolutely feelings can intensify over time...for me a pretty face alone doesn't cut it. For example, a friend of mine just divorced for the second time after a 6 year marriage to a trophy wife who (excuse me) was about at smart as a box of rocks.

 

For me, I need to make an emotional connection and get to know the whole person...only then can the feelings really intensify - and that takes time.

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fireworks are overrated.

 

Look at your previous relationships that started like warp speed........what happened to them? If there is a pattern of failure then perhaps it might be time to look at a different way of doing things, or perhaps, change your perecption of what love really is.

 

I was also of the big belief that there had to be firworks and wild lust, but i'm 36 and still single.

 

You find that most of the time, those that need the fireworks and wild chemical rush are more addicted to the rush than anything else. This can be a false signal as it usually means your body is reacting to unmet needs from childhood. so be aware.

 

Google love addiction if you are the sort of person who needs that wild lust, chemical rush or infatuation in order to invest time into a relationship

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