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So confused and lonley!!!


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Tonight I went out with two friends, both of which are friends with my ex-boyfriend. I had a really fun time except I couldn't stop wishing that my ex was there. I know he wasn't right for me and that I shouldn't have these thoughts as it has been over a year since we parted ways. The thing is I am alone and have been alone for more than a year and I find this very difficult. First, I am confused as to why I still desire and long for my ex-boyfriend even though I am well aware that we are not compatible. In addition to this, I can't understand why it is so hard for me to be alone. Before I met my ex, I was content with solitude maybe because I had never experienced love.

 

At any rate, does anyone have any insight or feedback on how to get over an ex-boyfriend or how to prevent an underlying sadness when your out in a crowd. Also, I don't think I can trust men again as innocently or freely as I did before him and I think this may be preventing me from allowing myself to make a connection with anyone else.

 

Oh and also, I live in a small suburb and all the guys I meet have no ambitions or are alcoholics. How can I go about meeting/networking with nice, ambitious, hard-working men???

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Just keep yourself busy. join a group, volunteer, work 2 jobs, take more classes than usual, visit old friends in diff towns, whatever! just stay busy.

 

I don't know how to meet nice, ambitious, hard-working men either!! That's a tough question I live in LA, and I still haven't found one!

I guess keep looking. Try online, ask friends, join jogging group, etc.

 

Good luck!!

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When I'm honest with myself, the biggest thing that has kept me tied to regrets about an ex is my ego--the fact that I couldn't magically get him to change enough for me. My logic tells me that this is ridiculous, I know we can't change other people, even while my most childish self holds onto the fantasy that if he loved me enough, he could have worked harder.

 

I recognized this at some point as an unhealthy barrier to moving forward, and I realized that this is a decision. I can hold tightly to misery and longing, or I can let it go. It's liberating to understand that we've held this power over our own freedom the whole time. Think of clicking the Ruby slippers in the Wizard of Oz. That movie is a classic for a reason--the metaphor applies to almost everything, it's just a matter of how willing we are to use it.

 

It sounds as though you're asking the right questions and you're on the right track.

 

In your corner.

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