Jump to content

8.5 months on...still in love with him


Recommended Posts

Most of you will know my story about my ex and i breaking up. I was posting quite regularly at the time of the break up and in the months that followed.

 

8.5 months on i am still in love with him, more than ever before.

 

I have been in therapy for the last couple months, i find this does help at times but it hasnt really helped a huge amount, but it's been good to have someone to talk things over with.

 

Surely this cant be normal to still be in love with him the same way as i was when we broke up?

 

I feel like a failure and like i havent made progress. I do truly believe in my heart i will love him forever.

 

The aching pain in my heart still remains.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you in love with him, or in love with the fantasy of him?

 

I struggled with that for a long time. Had the girl on a pedestal and had a "fantasy" life of who she was and what we were and could be and damnit even SHOULD be.

 

I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with the idea of her. Sometimes it is very hard if not near impossible to know and more importantly, accept the difference.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey littlestar. I haven't read your posts recently. Did he eventually break NC? If I remember rightly, he used to drive past your house. Did you also say you'd be willing to take him back if he cleaned up his act?

 

He hasnt directly broken no contact just the 'usual driving past he does.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you in love with him, or in love with the fantasy of him?

 

I struggled with that for a long time. Had the girl on a pedestal and had a "fantasy" life of who she was and what we were and could be and damnit even SHOULD be.

 

I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with the idea of her. Sometimes it is very hard if not near impossible to know and more importantly, accept the difference.

 

This is something ive been discussing a lot with my therapist, i think i am pretty certain i am in love with him

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is something ive been discussing a lot with my therapist, i think i am pretty certain i am in love with him

 

As did I littlestar. I didn't want to accept that I could be wrong about what I felt.

 

That's why it's so hard. The thoughts, the feelings, the emotions are all so real and raw. Yet they are all based around a non-truth.

It can take a long time to see it for what it really is. The turning point for me came when I felt better about myself...... however that took a very very long time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to disagree with being in love with the "fantasy" of the person. I think it's more complicated than that. I think we really DO love the person, we just focus more on their good sides than their bad sides.

 

Everyone is multi-dimensional. We like to think that just because someone did something we don't like, that automatically makes them "bad" and erases their good side, but it's not true.

 

I think it's easier for some people to force themselves to move on by pretending they were never in love or that it was all just a fantasy.

 

I don't think it was a fantasy...I just think we focus on things out of proportion. Likely, we all had some good times and bad times, just like our partner (an we) was/were good and bad.

 

Life is not so black and white. We really were in love with the person, I think, but are focusing too much on the positives of the relationship instead of realistically looking at the overall picture which does include some negatives as well.

 

Edit: I don't mean to say that you can't ever be in love wiith the fantasy. In some cases (especially crushes that were never partners), we can project characteristics on them that are not necessarily true. BUT if we've been with someone for a long time, we likely do know them and love certain things about them. The hard part is trying to integrate the person into a realistic picture of the past, present, and future.

 

We get so stuck on the good sides that we miss that we never really have a chance to move on and see them as a fallible person like everyone else.

 

 

Are you in love with him, or in love with the fantasy of him?

 

I struggled with that for a long time. Had the girl on a pedestal and had a "fantasy" life of who she was and what we were and could be and damnit even SHOULD be.

 

I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with the idea of her. Sometimes it is very hard if not near impossible to know and more importantly, accept the difference.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Most of you will know my story about my ex and i breaking up. I was posting quite regularly at the time of the break up and in the months that followed.

 

8.5 months on i am still in love with him, more than ever before.

 

I have been in therapy for the last couple months, i find this does help at times but it hasnt really helped a huge amount, but it's been good to have someone to talk things over with.

 

Surely this cant be normal to still be in love with him the same way as i was when we broke up?

 

I feel like a failure and like i havent made progress. I do truly believe in my heart i will love him forever.

 

The aching pain in my heart still remains.

 

8.5 months is NOT long at all. I've spoken to pastors who deal with people's relationship issues for years. They say 8 months aint long at all. They speak from experience. Don't compare yourself to others. What you had with your ex cannot be compared with others. I only had a 1 yr relationship, but it took me almost 10 months to be where I'm at - feeling somewhat normal and in control again. I really feel like it will take me just about a year to say that I am completely healed. It took a lot of work though. Making new friends, being in the company of good girls, constantly proving to myself that there are other quality girls out there. These things help. Be proactive in your healing though because time heals yes, but it also doesnt have to be as long.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

by the way littlestar, what you feel for him right now isn't love. It is obsession. What kind of a love is that to long for someone that mistreats you and hurts you, who wants you out of their life and has no cares for how you feel? That isn't love. That is depression. You have this image of this great guy but you forgot so much about why it didnt work and why he wasn't good for you. Don't defend him. Stop being nice to him. It's done.

 

This isn't love. It's the same thing a woman does when she constantly gets beat up by her alcoholic cheating husband, yet keeps coming back for more. Build your self-esteem. You can do this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember your posts the same time I was going through it 8 months ago. I was fine for many months and now at 8 months have had a back track as he appears to be in a committed relationship and happy and I am still hurting.

 

I think its normal to some degree and could take a year to year and a half to shake for good.

 

As soon as I meet someone that knocks my socks off I will be fine. This all takes time and is really not fun...............

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 months feels like such a long time when you're going through healing.

 

Can you describe what you are feeling a bit more? You feel 'aching' like sadness? Do you think some of it is depression? I'm just not clear on what's going on with you ... can you expand a little hon?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...