How can I keep from being dependent, controlling, jealous and lonely?

[caasiopia68]

I’ll try to keep this short.

About a year ago I was in a pretty serious relationship with a girl, and I got very dependent and controlling. I was happy when I was with her, but I was lonely and lost without her. Overall, it was a bad experience because of that reason. After we broke up in August, I decided I never wanted to have a relationship like that again. So I started dating a girl in November whom I didn’t really care about. It was pretty superficial, physical, and not emotional for me. I became so numb of my feelings over this period of time. I think I was scared of having strong feelings because I didn’t want it to develop into the kind of relationship that I had last year. We broke up in February all of a sudden when I simply did not care about her anymore. I can’t explain why, but this is what happened.

About three and a half weeks ago I started liking a girl that I’ve known for a few years. (We have a long complicated history but we’ve never officially dated.) It felt very strange to have feelings for someone, but with that came familiar feelings of jealousy and dependency. I became jealous of those who were with her when I could not be with her because of work or family. I feel like I’m only happy when I’m with her and when I’m not I’m hoping I would be with her. Unfortunately, she does not feel the same way about me because she just got out of a relationship. I’m trying to give her plenty of room. I’m hoping our situation will change, but at the same time, I think my feelings for her are getting stronger.

Any advice on how I can keep from having the same problems that I had with girl number 1? (dependent, controlling, jealous, lonely)

Thanks.

[februalis]

In my opinion you should move on and try to meet friends, do sports, hobbies. This will keep you focus. Remember may be the right girl has not come get.

[caasiopia68]

The problem with that is that I'm not motivated enough to do those things.

[bit3yerlip]

i was exactly like u before this... it was tough.

 

rite now im trying not to depend on others to make me happy or sad, especially the one im inlove with. i tell myself that only me myself and i can make myself happy. im not saying don't be happy when they do sweet things to us. what im trying to say is... in a relationship its more about doing ur own things, at the same time show love & affection to the person. try to balance time for urself and them. cos i know how it sucks when i turned soo darn happy spending time with the person but feeling so lonely+empty without em. do what u enjoy doing. i tell myself that i cant continue being dependent. i blive that being independent makes things better (in every way). instead of controling the person, i control myself first. i look at myself before i do anything.

anyway, dont TRY to give her space. you give urself a chance to hv time for urself. loving a person doesnt mean its all about her/him. its about both. so deal with ur problems/interest. appreciate urself. i promise you you'll appreciate her even more