wowwow Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I met a guy 4 years ago and he left his wife for me after just a few weeks of meeting him. After a great year he broke up with me and dated a few women right away. A few months later he came back saying he missed me and wanted to get back together. We dated again for a year and got engaged. He broke off the engagement a few months before the wedding last January and two weeks later started dating a girl he dated the first time we broke up. She read a text he sent to me stating he would always love me and broke up with him. We got back together and re-engaged last summer. He broke up with me again last October. We had contact until a few months ago and then he stated he wanted to have no contact with me ever again. I was taken back, but thought maybe it was best. Low and behold I just checked his face book picture after months and that same girl is in the picture with him. Why did I keep taking him back and why does she go back for a third round as well?????? I am glad to be out of all the drama and obviously need a more stable man. I am now a big believer in giving relationships a year and if no marriage just end it and move on for good. I think some of us get caught in these scenerios and need to be strong and see things more clear when something is just wrong. WOW!!!! Link to comment
shikashika Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 He sounds very needy and you should be glad you are away from him. And yes, you shouldn't have taken him back after all that....but no point in looking in the past. good luck to meeting someone better! Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Did you know he was married before he left his wife for you? Link to comment
wowwow Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Yes....he told me he was almost separated when we met. I told him I don't date married men. He tracked me down and tried his hardest to see me. He left his wife weeks later. Everyone I know was shocked. Guess that should have been a big red flag right from the start. He is very needy and sucks you in with tears and being there. But, he would not even let me go out with girlfriends and hated if I even went to the gym as men are there. He was a major control freak, jealous and possesive. Link to comment
Sunny1607307996 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 My friend dated a guy like this in high school. He played the two women off each other, cheated on both of them with the other, and the entire time claimed that he was the "victim". He would talk anybody's ear off who would listen about how he was in "love with two women" and "nobody knew his pain" and how "nobody would ever understand" and how he was such a victim...despite the fact that he cheated on both of them and drove them both crazy for two years. He sounds like the type of guy who can't stay in a commited relationship and loves to stir up drama. Leaving his wife for you was a huge red flag, as was leaving you for some girl and leaving some girl for you. Be glad he is no longer in your life. I feel sorry for the other girl and for you. You sound like you have a good attitude, just be strong and don't let this jerk back into your life and don't let him screw up your future relationships. Link to comment
wowwow Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Thanks!!!! This stuff is hard to get through and such a waste of sooooo many years. He did always claim to be the victim and still says it was all because I could not change. It's left a mental scar on me for good, but things happen for a reason. When I meet that next man that is grounded and stable it will all make sense!!! Link to comment
seizetheday30 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 hi, i was in a relationship like that years ago where everything seemed perfect in the beginning until he got tired of me i guess.. He started seeing other women and yes i took all of that. we were on and off all the time and the relationship just got worse with verbal and phisical abuse. They do that because they are needy and can't be alone. We take it because sometimes we are in love or just blind and think we are not worth enough. You need to stop talking to him, looking him up or wondering what he is doing. If you keep looking for you will fall back in that cycle and waste your time. you don't want to look back one day and regret what you did all those year like i do. Trust me there is plenty of good men out there and you will just know it when you meet one and think what a waste of your energy your ex was... well i hope this helps, good luck let me know how things went Link to comment
wowwow Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Thanks again. Agreed....it was like he got tired of me and when time passed he was into it again. It's been 8 months and I am stronger and past the pain. Now I guess this other woman is playing the same game. It is a vicious cycle and the pattern is obvious. Seeing her picture with him on his facebook profile pic today is total stick a fork in it....see him for what he is .....forever don't look back closure. She has the boobie prize for now..... Link to comment
Seymore Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 If a guy leaves his WIFE for woman #2, I cannot for the life of me think why woman #2 thinks she's the exception and that he would never leave her. Link to comment
wowwow Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Because the guy says it was all his wife's fault and she treated him so poorly and they had not had sex in 6 months and never even kissed anymore. His parents even chimed in on that one. That it was all her and he was the poor victim........... His x wife later told me "Don't you know past behavior predicts future behavior" End of story. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Because the guy says it was all his wife's fault and she treated him so poorly and they had not had sex in 6 months and never even kissed anymore. His parents even chimed in on that one. That it was all her and he was the poor victim........... His x wife later told me "Don't you know past behavior predicts future behavior" End of story. This is very true - these people always blame others - but don't feel bad as it's hard to see through their smoke screen for quite a long time, indeed about a year is the length of time which they can keep the act going for, hence the need to move on to someone else. What a shame you got drawn into his deceptive world, but lesson learned I can see from your posts Another thing, don't get hooked up on marriage after a year - so many people with failed relationships (and let's face it most of us have at least one behind us) are hurt and don't wish to get married in a hurry. Take your time and I hope you find someone who will be emotionally less draining. Link to comment
wowwow Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 You hit the nail on the head with the rebound cushion thing as I look back now. My biggest regret is all that wasted time, but I chose that path and what is the price of a very good lesson learned? He left a marriage and two adopted children, he left an engagement twice with me and the outlook for the future with the next victim is very poor to say the least with that track record. If a man is not divorced or 100% unattached I remove myself from the equation before it even gets started now. Lesson learned! Link to comment
Pappers Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 what a rollercoaster! feel grateful you never married him - he would have left you again, just like his first wife. he has serious issues. try to learn from this and not date a man like this again. Link to comment
ladyjp Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Because the guy says it was all his wife's fault and she treated him so poorly and they had not had sex in 6 months and never even kissed anymore. His parents even chimed in on that one. That it was all her and he was the poor victim........... His x wife later told me "Don't you know past behavior predicts future behavior" End of story. wowwow- you gave me good advice and now I read why. Remember in your own words " the Karma Pie Truck will come around for him soon enough and losing you for good may be the first hit". He is not only needy but has NO IDEA what true love it. True love lasts forever. Not until the next skirt comes by. His ability to turn off to you and be with someone else so quickly on a regular basis ( my ex did this with me too) says he hasn't any attachment to anyone really. He also sounds like a true Sociapath that has not conscience about his actions. He won't change and the list of women will grow like a fungus. He won't stay with this gal in the facebook picture and he will play her back and forth. Take comfort in knowing he didn't quit loving you- he never has loved anyone including himself. Find someone that loves you through the good, bad, and always. Not just when it is convenient. WE deserve so much more Link to comment
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