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BarbaraB
Should You Forgive a Cheater (Serio...
Should You Forgive a Cheater (Seriously!?)

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Hi. So heres the facts...

 

I'm 18 and i've been with Anthony(21) for about 2 and a half years. I got way too drunk and kissed a guy twice last night. A proper kiss not a peck or anything. Once in front of my boyfriend who didn't react at all and the first time which was not in front of him.

 

Because my boyfriend

was so drunk i don't think he even realised what i was doing. He didn't remember what i had done the following morning(this morning). Either did I. I was told by a friend. According to my friend(who knows the guy) he has a girlfriend himself, and from what she could see he was taking advantage of me.

 

I don't know the guy i cheated with. I'd never met him before. I don't remember much about him.

 

My boyfriend said he's not hurt whatsoever. Despite me asking him over and over again how is that possible? he also said that he loves me and he understands that i made a mistake, that i was extremely drunk and didn't know what i was doing. He said he's not going to let it get to him because it didn't mean anything.

 

He's not treating me any differently than before. He's extremely loving and caring and we have a wonderful relationship. We're very open with each other and good at communication. He didn't get angry or show any hurt. He just told me never to do it again(which i won't). I love him so much.

 

I feel really horrible, guilty, remorseful and upset. It really didn't mean anything i don't have any desire for anyone else other than my boyfriend. I didn't want this to happen. it was not a predetermined action. I have never thought about cheating on my boyfriend. He's wonderful.

 

I think it bothers me that he is being so understanding. I don't deserve that at all. And i can't understand why he is being so forgiving. If the situation were reversed i would forgive him but i would still feel some hurt and distrust. He said he still trusts me completely. Is this just his initial reaction? Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet? I'm so grateful that he has forgiven me but i feel like its too good to be true.

 

The bigger problem is clearly my drinking. I have now imposed a 3 standard drinks MAX limit on myself anytime i'm going on a night out, from now on. And i WILL stick to it. Anthony is too important to me i'm afraid of losing him. So afraid. I love him so so much.

 

I was going to quit drinking completely but thats unrealistic. What do i do if someone buys me a drink? or if everyone around me is drinking? i think sticking to 3 max is a realistic goal that i will stick too. but i will definitely cut back drinking altogether.

 

I'm not an alcoholic or anything i don't drink too often but when i do lately i tend to overdo it. And now it has gone too far. And i have learnt my lesson it will NEVER happen again. Because i'm going to be too terrified to drink now. If i can't control myself when i'm drunk then i shouldn't be drinking. I'm a fool.

 

I will not let alcohol put my relationship at risk again. I will not let MYSELF put it at risk again.

 

I hate myself for doing this. How can i overcome it?

 

And how is it possible that Anthony is so understanding?

 

I am absolutely horrible

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If i can't control myself when i'm drunk then i shouldn't be drinking.

That is probably a very good idea. You've now seen what can happen and you can learn from it.

 

I think the best way to deal with it is to make sure it never happens again. If your b/f forgives you, then accept it and move forward.

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