Boyfriend broke up with me but made me promise no NC

[bex]

My boyfriend just broke up with me earlier today because I was quite invested (as he put it) in our relationship, but he didn't feel like he could feel the same way I did. He's had a bad past and lots of bad things have happened to him that he didn't deserve and he doesn't feel like he can love anyone at all anymore. He's told me he still cares for me and doesn't want to loose me as a friend and only realised how he felt this weekend. He told me at about 2.30pm and left to go meet some friends at 7.30 and is coming back soon, he doesn't want to leave me on my own and says he thinks we can be best friends.

 

He said he thought we clicked too much on a friendship level to really work on a romantic level. He's treated me well and taught me a lot about a healthy relationship (my past ones have all been unhealthy) and I'm just wondering if he's telling me the truth or he just wants to make himself feel better. And also if no NC can work at all?

[DN]

At this stage it isn't about what he wants - it's about what you want. Or, better stated, what is best for you and if that is no contact, which I highly recommend, then he will have to accept that.

 

When people make a decision to break up they should have to accept the consequences of that decision - and that means not having things they way they would like.

[Anyway]

....and says he thinks we can be best friends.

He said he thought we clicked too much on a friendship level to really work on a romantic level. He's treated me well and taught me a lot about a healthy relationship (my past ones have all been unhealthy) and I'm just wondering if he's telling me the truth or he just wants to make himself feel better. And also if no NC can work at all?

 

What did he teach you about healthy relationships? I had to ask because it's extremely unhealthy to be friends with an ex after breaking up. No NC will prolong your pain for a long time to come. He made a decision you have to accept. With going NC you're making a decision he has to accept and tolerate.

 

Furthermore what does he think of himself? He broke up with you and now wants to care for you? Why did he break up in the first place? Because he cared for you?!? I know these questions don't make sense for you now. Wait a few months. You'll see what I mean then.

 

Another tip: Memorize the look on his face the moment you tell him. It'll be a great memory for months to come ;-).

[Caterina]

If you already agreed not to do an NC, go back on it. You don't have to inform him about your decision as he does not matter at all as a boyfriend. I would not ans. any e-mails or calls. I would consider him dead and begin mourning and going out with friends who love you and will talk you through all this pain.

[bex]

Well a lot of my exes have treated me badly and been manipulative and forceful, wheras he taught me to have self respect and that I was worth more than what previous boyfriends had given me. He stayed the night last night which I'm not sure was a good idea because there was lots of conflicting feelings. He broke up with me because over the weekend he realised that he couldn't tell me he loved me because he doesn't feel for me in a romantic way which I don't understand. He thinks we're better suited to being friends because he does care for me and is attracted to me just not in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way.

[Caterina]

THe idea that he taught you self respect...its a manipulation tool. SOme men will try to seem like the "different" one...its a good play. In any case, I dont' think the truth of his cruelty has hit you. How can you date someone and say the things he has said to you? Its like he's calling you unlovable. YOu HAVE to get this person out of your life. I'm so sorry. You can choose to take your pain and make yourself numb and hollow or feel your pain, move on and become a better person despite this.

[bex]

Ok so I'm really struggling with this, he was here yesterday and we had sex though we didn't kiss when we did because that's too intimate (his words). He has been really supportive through this whole thing, being here for me and txting me and telling me I can call anytime. I thought this was working but I had my first exam today (I'm in my first year of University) and I had to walk out because I felt dizzy and faint, now I have to resit in August and can only get a pass no matter how well I do. I don't understand if this is my fault or his fault? And the worst part is I still don't really understand why he broke up with me, he said he did like me in that way at first but recently he's liked me better as a friend. He said he liked all the friend stuff we did (which to me is stuff I would only do with a bf) and he says he's still attracted to me (hence the sex) but doesn't love me as a lover, just a friend. I don't understand at all and I can't stop thinking about him and I don't know if I can do NC, when I mentioned it he cried and when he brought my stuff over he brought over a favourite DVD that he was going to give me because of the NC. I changed my mind after this because I don't want to loose him, but maybe I'm just keeping him around in the hopes he'll change his mind. I feel so pathetic letting him affect my well being and my education like this.

[SunniDee]

He's not going to change his mind. Why does he even need to? He breaks up with you, but still has you at his beck and call. He gets friendship, a confidant, and sex from you still, all with no strings attached. He's perfectly free to really go date other people, and you can't say anything because he can remind you that you aren't together.

 

He's having his cake and eating it too. I think his breakup excuse was a well executed manipulation tool that you fell for hook, line, and sinker.

 

Think about it. He knows you will wait around to see if he'll change his mind. He doesn't need to when he gets his needs met by you NSA. He fed you some BS excuse and you believed him without question. Come on girl....

[skreen23]

That fella sounds like a serious arsehole. He had sex with you but didn't kiss because thats too intimate. Now i'm no genius but i reckon having sex is more intimate than kissing, think when you're saying bye to friends you may kiss them on the cheek, not have sex with them. You deserve alot better than this crap, tell him to .

[SunniDee]

That fella sounds like a serious arsehole. He had sex with you but didn't kiss because thats too intimate. Now i'm no genius but i reckon having sex is more intimate than kissing, think when you're saying bye to friends you may kiss them on the cheek, not have sex with them. You deserve alot better than this crap, tell him to .

 

Agreed!](*,)

[poohdalou]

just make yourself happy

[DN]

He is doing nothing that you are not allowing and participating in. So stop doing anything that you don't want to or that you know is not in your best interests. Take control of your own life and let him worry about his.

[bex]

Ok I did it, I told him I want NC and the last thing he said to me when I was walking away was "thanks". What's that supposed to mean? He's dropping my stuff off soon and I'm worried I might not stick to the NC and tell him I've changed my mind. It's really hard but I know NC is going to be best for me. Also I don't know what to do regarding facebook, I don't want to see him all happy, but at the same time I want him to see me moving on, do I delete him or not?

[DN]

I think you should delete him from facebook and from your life. As I said before, you control what you do so if you break NC that will be a decision that you make - a choice. So remember that before you do anything.

[IMAbadman]

Ok I did it, I told him I want NC and the last thing he said to me when I was walking away was "thanks". What's that supposed to mean? He's dropping my stuff off soon and I'm worried I might not stick to the NC and tell him I've changed my mind. It's really hard but I know NC is going to be best for me. Also I don't know what to do regarding facebook, I don't want to see him all happy, but at the same time I want him to see me moving on, do I delete him or not?

 

That "thanks" was a sarcastic way of saying, "Yeah... thanks for cutting of my sex with no strings attached. Damn...."

 

He trying to use you. Don't be his sex toy. Don't be his anything. Walk away and don't look back. Quit worring about what he sees, feels, or thinks. Get a grip woman.

[bex]

thanks for all the good advice, today is my first day of NC and tomorrow is my next exam, wish me luck!

[Caterina]

That fella sounds like a serious arsehole. He had sex with you but didn't kiss because thats too intimate. Now i'm no genius but i reckon having sex is more intimate than kissing, think when you're saying bye to friends you may kiss them on the cheek, not have sex with them. You deserve alot better than this crap, tell him to .

Most of these are from men...men know other men. I agree with it by the way. This guy definetly is using you for sex and you are letting it happen...he's taking you for a fool.

 

 

thanks for all the good advice, today is my first day of NC and tomorrow is my next exam, wish me luck!

 

do well on your exam and cut him out of your life, its his loss...he thinks he's getting away with murder but he doesnt' know he could have had something so much more than getting sex from you by feeding you a few lines.