Tips to stop contacting my ex ? He said he wanted to see me this weekend.

[selkie]

My exbf and I have been talking about stopping 'our break' and start dating again

everything has been fragile and we we taking baby steps i thought by talking over the last month since the break up

on thursday night he said he wanted to get together and go out with me fo Memorial Day weekend.

He asked if i had plans and wanted to

I said yes I wanted to see him a lot

He said he'd call later Friday to make plans.

Friday by 10 pm I hadnt heard from him so texted him I was going to see Terminator and to text or talk afterwards

i texted him when movie let out.

By Saturday afternoon no call, so I texted again.

Saturday night = nothing.

Feeling stupid and sad

I gave up great out of town plans for the holiday weekend to hang around to see him.

I emailed him i was confused

He then sent me a text at midnight:

it said

"all your texts just came thru. why not call instead?"

it sounded like a very lame and clever excuse

 

he said he would call me anyway.

 

 

im depressed and my weekend is ruined.

 

 

im about to start a 6 week work project until July 4th....

this was my Last BREAK until then !!!!

 

 

How do I go no contact ?

Do I ALERT him Im going no contact ?

 

 

Also reason we were on abreak was because he kept going to soical functions his exgf invited him to without telling me.

[vertigoxo]

Just go NC. You don't need to announce it. Do this for your own good.

[lady00]

I'm confused as to why you would go NC if you are trying to work on getting back together. I think the best thing to do, before going NC is for you both to clarify your intentions. It sounds like he flaked out on you. But instead of just going NC, I think it would be wise to have a conversation with him about what is going on. Forget the texting, and the email. Talk to him over the phone if doing so in person is not feasible.

 

If you are trying to date, then ask him why he flaked out on you, directly. If he has no reasonable explanation, and if that's a dealbreaker for you (as it would be for many people trying to get back together) then tell him that things aren't working and that you are going NC.

[selkie]

I'm confused as to why you would go NC if you are trying to work on getting back together. I think the best thing to do, before going NC is for you both to clarify your intentions. It sounds like he flaked out on you. But instead of just going NC, I think it would be wise to have a conversation with him about what is going on. Forget the texting, and the email. Talk to him over the phone if doing so in person is not feasible.

 

If you are trying to date, then ask him why he flaked out on you, directly. If he has no reasonable explanation, and if that's a dealbreaker for you (as it would be for many people trying to get back together) then tell him that things aren't working and that you are going NC.

 

He obviously had a date last night.

That's inexcusable when he had told me he would call me, asked to see me this weekend and knew full well I was staying around this Holiday weekend to see him.

 

Instead he is acting sketchy by texting me instead of CALLING me at midnight last night.

 

Since my texts were delayed the only intelligent thing to do was to call me directly.

 

Instead he texted.

[selkie]

So as it stands I last heard from him on the phone Thursday night.

This is a man who practically lives on his phone. Its always with him.

I was such a cool gf I even let him take biz calls at dinner.

Which means there was no good reason for him not to reach out and call.

[selkie]

Just go NC. You don't need to announce it. Do this for your own good.

 

See in my heart and gut I WANT to go no contact without any warning.

But my friends are saying I'm 'supposed' to tell him Im going no contact.

[lady00]

Why is it obvious that he was on a date? Did I miss something? Also, had you two agreed to be exclusive again?

[HeartGoesOn]

"NC" is for you, don't give him a second thought.

 

Even if he didn't get your texts, he knew he had made plans to see you this weekend. He's not making you his top priority, don't make him yours.

[selkie]

"NC" is for you, don't give him a second thought.

 

Even if he didn't get your texts, he knew he had made plans to see you this weekend. He's not making you his top priority, don't make him yours.

 

And the playing dumb thing isn't working.

Man is highly intelligent, turning 40 (!) next week and is always super responsible with his work.

Not some slacker who just forgot.

](*,)

[lady00]

While I agree that he sounds flaky, if it were me, I'd want to talk to the person directly and voice all of my concerns rather than making assumptions and going NC right off the bat. Of course, the assumptions may well be correct, but if you started down the path of reconciliation, why not have a conversation about it before you completely jump ship?

[selkie]

Why is it obvious that he was on a date? Did I miss something? Also, had you two agreed to be exclusive again?

 

because the only time he never answers his phone from another woman is when he is on a date. as i said this is a man who answers business calls in the middle of dates.

 

he knows i havent been dating anyone during a month apart and we already started talking about getting back together two weeks ago.

 

he was supposed to call me two days ago and now he has only sent one text late at night and acting like he hasn't screwed up.

[selkie]

So its now 7 pm on Sunday night

The season finael of our shared favorite show airs tonight.

no call from him but i can totally see him using that as an excuse to call me afterwards.

Im going to try and be strong and ignore him

If anyone has good links on no contact, please post them.

[becca0194]

So its now 7 pm on Sunday night

The season finael of our shared favorite show airs tonight.

no call from him but i can totally see him using that as an excuse to call me afterwards.

Im going to try and be strong and ignore him

If anyone has good links on no contact, please post them.

 

He said he would call you Friday night to make the plans. So, even if your text messages showed up late...he never called you to make plans. Very hurtful and inconsiderate. I don't have a link to help with NC. What will help is to sit and read through messages here in this forum. That is something that always helps me.

 

As for your friends that feel you "should" tell him you are going NC, do they have a reason for that? I think in some cases it is the proper thing to do. This is not one of them. You owe him nothing. He just completely treated you like crap, you owe him nothing.

 

The other incentive for you to stick to NC is that you will feel empowered. You have no control over if he calls or texts you, but if you take control on not letting him treat you bad, it will feel good !!!! Hang in there and don't answer that phone !!!!!

[selkie]

he always calls after our favorite show airs. even after the finale tonight , no call.

this is the first time before or after our break that he hasnt called.

 

i really think he mustve met up with someone and is having no problem giving me the cold shoulder.

[cristal]

I find that when men starts acting in a way that we perceived as "not normal", it is usually based on two reasons. Someone new has entered the picture, or they simply do not find you challenging anymore and has lost the desire to put in the necessary work and time to continue the relationship.

 

The confusion that you are experiencing, is nothing but sheer rationale, for "HIJNITY lingo". You should heed it and you should start making plans to totally extricate yourself from this broken relationship. The way that you do this, is for you to start feeding him mega doses of NC, otherwise, you will end up being a clingy and a door mat ex-girlfriend, whom he will want nothing to do with.

 

So before it gets to that point, your best option is, to w a l k a w a y, while you still have your dignity intact. Because I can guarantee you this, it is down-hill from this point on.

 

Take care!

[selkie]

Thank you and yes indeed.

If I try and stay in contact he will just treat me with disdain and feed me crumbs.

If I walk away and vanish he will be stunned.

He even told me he is only used to dating rich powerful much older women and that Im so "refreshing"

 

Im sure he has pegged me as some sweet younger girl who is in love with him and will take his mistreatment. (he is 8 years older but told me he has lived two lifetimes so he feels like he is 18 yrs older in experience)

[cristal]

Thank you and yes indeed.

If I try and stay in contact he will just treat me with disdain and feed me crumbs.

If I walk away and vanish he will be stunned.

He even told me he is only used to dating rich powerful much older women and that Im so "refreshing"

 

Im sure he has pegged me as some sweet younger girl who is in love with him and will take his mistreatment. (he is 8 years older but told me he has lived two lifetimes so he feels like he is 18 yrs older in experience)

 

Walk away and let him be stunned. It is the best weapon in your arsenal right now.

 

A smart business man knows exactly what he needs to do, in order to keep up contact. And he is not doing it.

 

He is sending you a message that things have changed, by not staying in contact the way that he used to. He is telling you that this is the new way and for you to get used to it.

 

So sometimes it takes a good dose of "shock and awe" (NC), to knock them off their pedestal. Serve it to him on a silver platter.

[selkie]

I couldn't sleep at all.

Fell into a fitful sleep at 6 am.

I'm awake now and literally in shock that he NEVER called me since Thursday night.

Just one stupid text at midnight ?

Never saw me at all.

I'm holding back from stating how rude it is.

I think it would be smartest to go NC.

I just need to vent my anger somewhere !

[Zeitgeist]

I think it's a valid concern that he didn't call when he said he would, but I would drop everything else. Even if he was on a date, you can't really call him out on it because you two aren't together and he has the right to be on one. I think your best move here is to say nothing about the weekend, as hurt as you might be, and try to keep busy with other things. If he calls or texts, respond with short and to the point messages. Don't express any desire to see him anymore. Don't change your plans for him anymore. I don't think NC is necessary. But he needs to worry a little more about losing you.

[lady00]

I think it's a valid concern that he didn't call when he said he would, but I would drop everything else. Even if he was on a date, you can't really call him out on it because you two aren't together and he has the right to be on one. I think your best move here is to say nothing about the weekend, as hurt as you might be, and try to keep busy with other things. If he calls or texts, respond with short and to the point messages. Don't express any desire to see him anymore. Don't change your plans for him anymore. I don't think NC is necessary. But he needs to worry a little more about losing you.

 

I agree with this. I don't see the necessity of NC at this point. I also don't think that you really can call him out on dating other people because you never agreed to be a couple again. I do think you can call him out on not getting back to you and being flaky such that if he does call you again, you can tell him that he needs to quit being flaky or you're not interested.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I couldn't sleep at all.

Fell into a fitful sleep at 6 am.

I'm awake now and literally in shock that he NEVER called me since Thursday night.

Just one stupid text at midnight ?

Never saw me at all.

I'm holding back from stating how rude it is.

I think it would be smartest to go NC.

I just need to vent my anger somewhere !

 

Oh Wow. This guy doesn't deserve to be informed about your NC. Just go NC without saying a word. I presume if he is indeed dating someone else (which means his talk of getting back together was just BS) if that doesn't pan out then you will hear from him. When you do, simply tell him he told you he would call and make plans for the weekend, he never did, instead he made claims about not getting your texts, twisted it around on you and never firmed up plans to get together. Then tell him that it was rude and you are not interested in having anything to do with someone who disrespects you like that.

[selkie]

Oh Wow. This guy doesn't deserve to be informed about your NC. Just go NC without saying a word. I presume if he is indeed dating someone else (which means his talk of getting back together was just BS) if that doesn't pan out then you will hear from him. When you do, simply tell him he told you he would call and make plans for the weekend, he never did, instead he made claims about not getting your texts, twisted it around on you and never firmed up plans to get together. Then tell him that it was rude and you are not interested in having anything to do with someone who disrespects you like that.

 

well i decided to stop being lonely

i took a last minute trip out of state

met up with a guy i used to date who is a close friend

he gave me a tour of the city.

we then drove back to his condo to see his puppies

kissed a bit and then i went home before things got too wild.

he texted me it was good to see me and he hoped i had a good drive hom.

 

very sweet and normal

 

what sucked though is i send one last text to my exbfd stating what transpired

that he said he would call , he said he would see me but never did.

that im not angry just sad and disappointed. and ended it saying goodbye.

 

 

so no word at all from him.

 

i still went home and cried though even after nice date with my friend.

 

and to top it off had dreams about my ex all night.

 

 

[selkie]

I think it's a valid concern that he didn't call when he said he would, but I would drop everything else. Even if he was on a date, you can't really call him out on it because you two aren't together and he has the right to be on one. I think your best move here is to say nothing about the weekend, as hurt as you might be, and try to keep busy with other things. If he calls or texts, respond with short and to the point messages. Don't express any desire to see him anymore. Don't change your plans for him anymore. I don't think NC is necessary. But he needs to worry a little more about losing you.

 

he had his son on sunday and saturday night was his only day free.

so no he shouldnt have had a date this weekend because he already asked me out.

it now 5 days since he called me on the phone, i can easily go no contact BECAUSE HE ALREADY has beat me to it !