jarias2311 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Hey guys, So im wrecked right now, me and my girlfriend of 6 years have broken up. Just last year, we had broken up because she had doubts about us and after 6-7 months I finally got her back. This past year it was going really well. Literally 8 days ago our relationship was the best it had been in forever. Then, she went to beach week with friends and things changed. My girlfriend is a nursing major so she has had no time to party and be with friends. While she was at the beach, she just let loose and had a great time with friends. when she came back she said that being there made her realize that she hasn't"lived up college yet" and that if i were to ask her to marry me right now she would have doubts. She said she doesn't really know if this is the right thing to do to break up, but if she has doubts then it is the best. What should I do? I just went through this last year with her and it killed me inside. its so heartbreaking and its so hard to just forget about the girl you love. The last time, we continually broke NC and it wasn't until I didn't break it that she came back. What should I do? I feel lost again and I hate this feeling. Link to comment
DN Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I am sorry this has happened. Your absolute best bet is to assume that the relationship is over for good and go strict no contact. Even if she were to ask to get back together you should think long and hard about it because someone who is prepared to do this twice will find it progressively easier to do it again. Link to comment
Dubb Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 You need to tell her one last time how you feel. Let her know that you will respect her wishes to be free but now you will need your distance to heal. Tell her she may only contact you if she has changed her mind and would like to work on a relationship with you. Let her know it's best for you to assume this relationship is finished so you can get past it. You need to go N/C after that. You have to stay N/C too. Don't do it to get her back either. Do it b/c you want to get over her. Do it b/c now you have a chance to meet someone else who may be ready be what you need them to be. Get out there and have fun man. You have one life and it's short. Live it up! Link to comment
anders055 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 For one last time...ask her if she is serious about you...a yes or no answer will do...if she has doubts ask her for a straight answer....If she says yes then stay or else just leave because she'll keep you hanging for a while and then one day you'll find that she has left you for someone else..... Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 I know this is a stupid question, but do you think she will contact me at some point? Couldn't this just be that she was living in the moment and the initial luster of her week will wear off and shell realize it was a mistake? This happened so sudden it just feels like right now shes living in the moment you know? Link to comment
Dubb Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 She may contact you. I know this is hard but you need to realize that holding on will only prolong your pain. Get out there and meet some women. Chances are she will want you back once she realizes you moved on. Win/Win for you. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 So I should never break NC right? Link to comment
DN Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 So I should never break NC right?Right. Remember that NC is not a method to get her back although it does sometimes have that result. It is for you to heal and move on without constant reminders of her and the hope that any contact you do have means she is going to change her mind - that will drive you nuts. So don't do that. Assume it is over, heal and move on. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Couldn't this just be that she was living in the moment and the initial luster of her week will wear off and shell realize it was a mistake? This happened so sudden it just feels like right now shes living in the moment you know? Link to comment
DN Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Couldn't this just be that she was living in the moment and the initial luster of her week will wear off and shell realize it was a mistake? This happened so sudden it just feels like right now shes living in the moment you know? Anything is possible but don't do this to yourself. Proceed on what she said and did not on what you think she night do in the future - there is no value in doing that. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 So I already couldnt go a day without NC.. I was feeling so much pain that I emailed her and texted her and asked if we could meet. After I did that though I realized that it was stupid of me to have done it and I texted her saying nvm and I said my final goodbye to her. I feel a lil better right now because I have my friend here with me. My ? is what is going through her head right now? Does she care at all? She was saying how she really doesnt kno if shes making the right decision and thats its hard for her too but who knows how she really feels. Does anyone with insight know how she might be feeling right now? Link to comment
cl76 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 You're trying to make sense of what happened in order to cope. Truth is you'll never know the real reason and every time you analyse it you will come to a different conclusion. Don't torture yourself, accept that your relationship is over, let it go and move on. It's not easy but take some comfort in knowing that others have been there and know that in the end you will be ok. You have to focus on "getting yourself back" now. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 I know I shouldnt care, but do you guys think my ex will try to contact me again? Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Judging by the history, only if you stay NC. But you have to get out of this mind set of torturing yourself wondering whether she will or won't. If you assume she won't and plan your future accordingly, you will get stronger and not depend on her contacting you anyway. If/when she does you may have healed enought to say 'thanks but no thanks'....good luck. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Does anyone have any pointers of how to not look at your significant others facebook or AIM? I know its more mental than anything but last time that is what kept me from not breaking NC. I dont know how I even went two weeks without talking to her last time. She is my bestfriend and to me, the only girl that I want to be with. I just feel so blindsided by everything that its tough to wake up in the morning Link to comment
sunshine22 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I know it's hard to do, but you're just going to have to leave her alone for a little. She needs to miss you. If you don't contact her at all for a few days, she'll notice. She might get a little scared that you might not be there waiting for her anymore if she changes her mind. You can't force someone to talk, and if you do, the outcome won't be real or right. I'm going through something very similar. My boyfriend of 7 years just started ignoring me completely out of the blue, then broke up with me over a text and hasn't talked to me since. (I posted a thread about it just now) I know the pain you feel, I'm a mess as well. You just have to wait until she's ready to talk about it... I know it sucks... Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 She said that while she was at the beach, it "opened her eyes to a new world" and it made her feel like she hadnt lived the college life yet. She said that this is a real hard decision for her and shes not even sure that shes making the right decision which kills her. She also told me that there was no guy and I trust her because the last time we broke up and went through this she was completely honest with me the entire time. When there was a guy, she told me. And she had the opportunities in our conversation to be honest so many times and she continuously said NO to any guys. It was more of the I opened my eyes to a new life, I liked being in my own little world without any worries type of ordeal. She said she would really miss me and think about me a lot. She even asked if we could still talk and I said no because I couldnt be a friend. Also at the end she asked me twice if She realizes she made a mistake if she could tell me. And if I hated her for this and that me saying that were not meant to be together sounded really weird to her. Does this sound like a girl who is done with me? Or just needs time to realize she is just liiving in the moment and is making a big mistake? Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 She is hedging her bets so that if she realises it isn't as great as she thinks she can pick you up, dust you off and have the former life back again - and leaving you in limbo while she decides. Don't let her do that - just move on and find someone who does want you. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 But doesnt that sound like a girl that is making a Irrational decision solely based on one week of having fun?! Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Perhaps but the fact that it may be irrational doesn't mean that she will reverse it. Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Share Posted May 26, 2009 Im feeling so crappy today guys. I cant take this pain Link to comment
Truffle786 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 aaw jarias I know how you feel. I know. Its not easy.... just try to take it one second at a time. Be strong in thought and remember that you have done all you could and that you can't control anything that happens but your own actions, feelings and thoughts. Let it be my friend, feeling the pain and going through this process will bring you to a more complete and wise place. You know it will, so just wait it out...we're all with you here and most of us are going through the same thing. This pain is also a very important part of life and being human and sometimes I find it quite powerful even in a sort of positive way. Know that the next time you'll be stronger and wiser because of this experience. You are capable of a lovnig relationship and you are a giving person and deserve someone as dedicated and loving as you. And most importantly someone who is sure about you as you are about them. Stay on NC and try to make your day as comfortable as possible for now. Spoil yourself with little things that just make it a little bit easier. Its not supposed to be easy when you love someone. But - it really really does get easier with time. I promise you. Hang in there! Link to comment
jarias2311 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 I broke NC again..i feel awful for doing it and I know im just making matters worse between us. If I keep contacting her she is just going to get more annoyed which I know she is right now at me but its just so hard to not contact them when their your best friend. How long does it take people to cool off and forgive the other person for being so pushy? She knows that I am not trying to act this way, its just I cant really help it at this moment. Will a couple of days to let her cool off be enough? Or will you never really know? Link to comment
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