having a crush on a woman - feeling regretful after telling her...

[sanadee]

On Friday, I told a woman that i have known for almost a year that i had a crush on her.

 

She said she was flattered, but said it was OK, and not to worry about it. She said she valued our friendship greatly, and said I should not waste mental/emotional energy thinking about this.

 

But my issue is that either:

 

- she would stop hanging out with me, since she would think i would hit on her all the while.

 

- I cannot control myself, get infatuated, and drive her away.

 

I regret saying this to her now, since I reckon it's opened up a whole Pandora's Box.

 

I don't want to lose her as a friend, so what should I do? Is my only option to get over it, and control my feelings?

[annie24]

hm. i guess the fact that she told you not to worry about it, vs. saying, 'yay - i feel the same way!'..... hmmm..... it sounds like she isn't interested in you romantically, but she doesn't want to give up the friendship either.

 

i would focus on you right now. do you think you are ready to be friends with her right now?

[COtuner]

Try staying away for a while until you get ahold on what just happened. It really helped for me when I did that and it was not reciprocated. We're back to being friends again now - only took about 2 or 3 weeks.

[pinkelephant]

i would take some time away from her to get over it. once you are, then be her friend again. as long as you don't try to push it, i'm sure she would understand.

[sanadee]

annie24 - i had the same thoughts too, she doesn't seem interested, and i've accepted that.

 

COtuner & pinkelephant - I think that may be wise. I think I just need to get my head together a bit, since I feel like a fool for telling her. I sincerely hope to God that this does not impact on our friendship, but over time I can perhaps get over this.

 

Thanks all.

[lavenderdove]

If she really does value your friendship, it won't bother her. I'd avoid her for just a little bit til you get yourself back together, then just go back to acting like nothing happened.

 

Don't feel like a fool for telling her either... it was worth a try in case she was interested back, but since she isn't you now know and keep being friends with her, while looking for a new girlfriend somewhere else. Nothing to be ashamed about asking. If a guy told me that i would be flattered, and would be fine being his friend as long as he didn't keep pressing me or expecting more than friendship from me.

[COtuner]

I think if she's in any way mature, and really likes you as a person, she'll understand. My guy honestly has not reacted badly at all, outside of the initial awkwardness of my sharing my crush. In fact, after I had avoided him for 2 weeks, feeling embarrassed and working on getting over the feelings, he actually sought me out and said, "You've been so quiet! Have you been busy with work?" It made me feel so grateful for opening the door back up to me to be friends. I'm helping him with a personal project now.

 

So don't feel bad - just work through the feelings and go back to being a friend. As long as she doesn't sense anything crush-like (watching her out of the corner of your eye, blushing) she might be ok too.

[sanadee]

Well I'm going to work through these feelings, and hopefully I can wean myself off the attraction.

 

She may be on my MSN later, but I think i'll tell her then that I just want time to work through this. It wouldn't be fair on her otherwise, since I don't think I can trust myself not to express further liking.

 

Thanks again to all.

[COtuner]

Well I'm going to work through these feelings, and hopefully I can wean myself off the attraction.

 

She may be on my MSN later, but I think i'll tell her then that I just want time to work through this. It wouldn't be fair on her otherwise, since I don't think I can trust myself not to express further liking.

 

Thanks again to all.

 

Not sure I'd actually tell her.... I just stayed quiet and kept to myself. I think telling them makes it sound more of an issue than it is. MHO of course.

[bostonbruins24]

No risk,no reward! Don't regret telling her but now that you know she isn't interested focus on someone else.

[Kinetics]

If you want to maintain the friendship, just give yourself some time for a little bit and not interact with her too often. Let things settle down a bit, try to digest all the recent events and let it out of the system!

 

It can be a painful process but I've done it with someone I dated very briefly. It sucked because she didn't give me much space so I had to tell her to back off for a while, compounded with the fact that she was also my co-worker!

 

Yeah sometimes I feel like an idiot for asking someone out. I know others would tell you its a justifiable act, but sometimes you know it was better if you didn't open the Pandora's Box, I feel ya man.