CatsMeeoow Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 After 7 weeks NC I took a risk and contacted my ex. I know at that point he came snooping around my myspace page and somehow still had emails from me from months and months ago but he never formally contacted me. Due the circumstances I figured I needed to put myself out there and put it all on the line when he didn't respond to my first friendly text after a few days. I let him know that I had still been thinking about him and what I wanted. That I was looking forward to a summer with his kids and mine going to this place and that. I thought he was an amazing guy and that I missed him. I ended it with suggesting he call sometime so we can talk. Well it's been 2 weeks since I sent the text and there has been no reply in any format. The biggest part of me just wished he would have texted back a simple "no thank you and good luck to you" but he just ignored it all together which makes me think he doesn't want to close the door at this time.... lame I know but how I think... The most difficult part is now I think about him way more NOW than I did in the first 7 weeks. Don't get me wrong. I was heartbroken due to the circumstances as we had been apart for 4 months... he came back but got unglued when just 3 weeks later I had to go to Oregon which he was very displeased about the situation... then to tell me while I was in Oregon that he was now seeing someone else suddenly... ugh... I was slowly letting go. I was disappointed but surviving. The minute he started snooping I guess I got my hopes WAY up there which is why I can't stop thinking about him now??? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Perhaps he still seeing that person and that is why he hasn't responded to you. He has made his intentions clear to you long ago so you should have just let it go and not contact him again. Him checking up on you online is neither here nor there. It is very easy to get curious about someone and check them up online...but online snooping and curiosity is very far removed from actually making contact. His online checking did not go beyond just idle curiosity..if he really wanted to be with you he would have actually contacted you...not just followed your online activity. People who really want relationships make the call, they just don't simply follow a person from the safety of their computer screen. Time to let this one go. His silence speaks volumes about his lack of interest in pursuing this. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I check my exes page as well. Doesnt mean I want him back or even want to hear from him. I know it hurts and it sucks. But thats the peril of contacting someone thats made it clear they dont want you too. Stay strong and dont worry over it too much. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Yup... I knew that... Its just that he never checks my page... ever... even when we were getting back together... So when he suddenly did something so out of character I think I was just in mere shock over it. But - yes... it was just idle curiosity... if it had been anything more he would have responded to my text at least by now. I just went through this before with him. He didn't respond to my initial texts last time either but eventually came around and started contacting me. I'm still frustrated that Oregon caused such a train wreck between us. I just need to leave it alone. Just funny now how much more I think about him than before he popped back up... ugh... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 You have to just try and stop for good. As much as you care if he wanted to be with you or fix it he would of or he will. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 hi Cats, I am sorry you are hurting. I think you should have waited for a few weeks after you included him in the group text and if you have not heard back, then you would have your answer. That was a risk to send him the honest heartfelt text after you included him in that group text about the skydiving. You did it because you had an expectation - that you would hear back from him. And you have not heard from him which is why it's best to just not contact an ex in this kind of situation that you are in. It justs sets one up for disappointment and in many cases, it pushes away the ex even more. So it is time to let it go. No more contact - ever. If he contacts you then you can decide how to proceed. If he isn't with you over the Oregon incident, then imagine what life would be like with him? Not very easy if he got all peeved over something like that, that occurred when you were not even really together. He sounds like super high maintenance over that one. I know how hard it is. The Sundays of the last two Memorial day weekends were highly romantic encounters with my ex. And I have had trouble sleeping the last two weeks, as I feel like getting through this weekend is a milestone. I wonder if he thinks of me and remembers the last two years this weekend but I know I have to let those thoughts go (ha, nearly impossible). AND we have a rehearsal on Monday night, so I will be seeing him, putting on my poker face, and trying to act nonchalant like nothing happened. Fun, fun, fun. Anyway, hang in there! Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 Thanks! I know I know I know... sigh... LOL! I'm in super good spirits... just thinking about him alot. I'm not depressed or crying over it. Just really can't figure out why I am thinking about him so much. Trust me... I keep trying to list the negatives and there certainly were some... but I even smile at those! I did something dumb last fall and he won't admit it but by his actions then I knew I hurt him alot. It was just a silly mistake. I wasn't trying to be hurtful or mean. Just me being silly little shy little me. I think Oregon happened too close to trying to reconcile. I think he saw Oregon as "oh boy here we go again" I think he pulled away to protect himself. I mean he would have had to have complete and total trust and confidence in me and us not to feel threatened by it. Of course in my head he had it. He was WAY more important that some guy in Oregone. But looking at it from his shoes and I can I probably would have felt insecure too if the roles were reversed. So I don't blame him - it was just a lousy situation. And as far as not wanting to be with someone who couldn't trust - well I don't judge him based on that alone. You see this guy stuck it out with me for the longest time... waiting for me to get over my previous ex. Yes he shouldn't have bailed due to Oregon but I can understand why he did. He waited so long before only to get hurt. I probably would have done the same. I look at the entire picture and there is a lot of good there despite how he reacted to one incident. At the very least I'm exploring my thoughts and feelings and wondering why he is sooooo much on mind right now. But, I'm grateful that I am not crying over it and I'm not depressed or woe is me. I'm out there with friends and YES - dating. I'm having fun. Still though I'd love to talk to or see him at some point. And Rap - your ex will think about past years with you. He will remember what he was doing this time last year. That's human nature. Holidays and milestones are times of reflection. Just because he doesn't contact you or speak to you directly doesn't mean he doesn't think of it. You cannot correlate the two. I know its tough so hang in there. Personally I think its always best that things are out in the open on and the table. FYI - my ex -ex and I met up again after 19yr around Memorial Weekend too 3 years ago... I actually didn't remember that until just this moment... so I know this year is tough but next year won't be so bad... it gets better! Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I'm glad you are not depressed and not crying over it. That is VERY good news. If you are just thinking of him and enjoying your life, are out there dating and are in great spirits, I think you are in fine shape. Me on the other hand. I don't know. Still crying over him. I went to the BBQ party last night after I got out of my wedding gig, the party that my ex and I were both at the last two Memorial day weekend. Both years that BBQ started our summers together for the last two years. Last night there was great music playing and I sang a bit at the BBQ so my thoughts were distracted. Yet today it just feels like a milestone. I can't believe I still entertain ridiculous magical thoughts that he might do some crazy romantic thing like contact me yesterday or show up at the BBQ. Yet I did allow myself to "go there". Alas, these things only happen in movies. I also find myself continuing to dredge up painful memories, of how I perceived that I ruined any chance of romance with this man. The timing was terrible, I was straight out of a LTR and straight into his arms and certainly not in my right mind. I'm not proud of that at all, but it explains my behavior I think and I wish I could go back and change it all. I was sooooo crazy about him, so convinced he was "the one" and so happy to be away from my ex-ex. I feel I sabotaged any chance of it turning into a real thing but I know I cannot change what happened two years ago. But at 47 I have learned a hard lesson, once again. Anywho, sorry to hijack your thread. I'll see him at rehearsal tonight. It will be OK. He's just a man, he's not a god. He's not on a pedestal. I haven't met anyone else (well, one guy I liked but he's dating someone else now) but it doesn't mean I won't EVER meet anyone. It's tough at this age but it can happen and I have to just live my life, enjoy the moments as they pass, and have faith that I will not be ALONE for the rest of my life. He could have tried to work things out with me but due to the circumstances he lost that lovin' feeling and its really hard to get that back. I can't do anything about it except accept it. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Well - it is true that I am overall very happy. I have soooo many things going on between my son, my hobbies, my work, household chores... I am very blessed and that I don't take for granted. AND... I am and have been dating. Nothing serious. No sparks but nice guys that will be good to keep in touch with and what not. Still I think of my guy more than I should. It frustrates the heck out of me that we can't talk. I'd love nothing more than to have a casual conversation with him. I do miss him. A lot. I did keep busy last night and finally took most of the Christmas items out of my formal living room and up to the attic (I know its almost June... I was just in a huge state of denial.... lol!) I even talked to my ex-ex for a very long time last night. He is going to come up at some point and help me with a couple of projects around the house. He is very sweet and supportive of how I am feeling about my recent guy. And, he really makes me laugh - I could never be sad talking to him! I really want to write or text my guy but I am trying to hold strong. It's been two weeks since I last attempted contact so I'm going to try to make it longer. He knows how I feel. I just know him and in his mind he thinks this is some sort of game to me... which its not... he just doesn't know how to read me sometimes.... Well Rap you made it through a milestone... a party on your own without him this year... it is the first step to distance yourself and start building new memories at new events. I understand your heads need to romanticize some grand gesture on his part... I do that too sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself but it is time to move forward. Why not set up a new tradition? Find a close friend and make a pack that the first weekend in June is a day at the spa together... if you can't go all out just go hang for a pedicure together and have lunch but someplace you rarely go so its a treat. Make some plans this summer with a few people even if its just a movie night in with chips and salsa. If you have these things to look forward to then you'll spend less time thinking about what it is you were doing last summer. I'm going to do my best to stop thinking about my guy - though its so hard when I hear him in my head calling me, hey "XXXXXX".... ugh.... Just so long as I don't contact him in any way I'll be cool! Wish me luck! =) Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Well good to count your blessings. Why do you want to have a casual conversation with him? You have to admit you have an ulterior motive. Continuing casual contact hasn't worked for you in the past, has it? I think you need to go full blown No Contact. You say it's been two weeks and you are going to try to make it longer. Why not just stop? He has not responded to your last contact - why on earth would you try again? I'm just trying to help.... And yes, I have to move forward. As I've said a million times, it would be a million times easier if I did not have to see him. Last night at rehearsal one of the other guys set up my keyboard so it was practically hitting him. I moved it when I got there but he was so close to me I could smell him the entire time. That was rough but I got through it. I can't overanalyze the way he looked at me when I walked in, the things he said, etc, etc. Bottom line is he's not with me. I know it's over and he won't want me back until I'm over him and with someone else. That's how he operates and that's how these things work. Now I just have to find someone else. But I can't do the internet thing, and I'm not going to 'look'. I'm just going to live my life and if it happens, it happens. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 26, 2009 Author Share Posted May 26, 2009 Oh who knows why I want to talk to him??? I just really miss NOT talking to him. And well when I left for Oregon we had a huge issue and he said he didn't want to speak to me but would talk to me once I got back from Oregon.... we never had that talk... ever... I texted him near the end of my trip that I missed him and wanted to come home... that's when he texted he was seeing someone else. We never spoke again. I felt let down that we didn't speak when I got back... odd... it just feels so unfinished. The weirdest part is when I got that text in Oregon I was bummed but not panicky. I wasn't freaking out because somewhere deep down I knew it wasn't over? I don't know what I want from this guy. I just know that I would like to talk to him. I do know that I miss him. I know he made a lot of mistakes with me before Oregon and I made some too... neither of us are perfect. I did good though - made it through the entire weekend and no contact! Believe me it got close... I prob would have emailed if I hadn't been having internet issues... AND I almost texted him this am... but I haven't... I'm waiting for awhile. I went 7 weeks and really thought things through... I can do that again. The good news R is that you made it through rehearsal and you are realizing that what he does and says has no hidden meaning - it is what it is... One step down... many more to go - you can do it! Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 29, 2009 Author Share Posted May 29, 2009 wow... after more than 10weeks of not talking to me... he replies to a text today... I never expected it or saw it coming... it was random... flirty... overt... So 3hr later when I realized he sent something I replied just a very funny... "hmmm... how could I use that to my advantage... lol he replied "not while I"m still seeing someone... lol" Ok - so he just confirmed he was still seeing someone... but I sooooo don't get the first text where he was being overtly flirty in a sexual inuendo... hmmmm... Well I am for one surprised I heard anything at all... but I am certainly not going to keep texting him... I just said "how unfortunate for me... which was very lame and looks desperate I'm sure... I wish I could have come up with a better response... I was soooo lame!!!! ;-) Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Oh, cut yourself some slack! Amazing that he texted back. From the first post I was thinking "oh, honey, he shut the door and you haven't even noticed". Just goes to show. Now, let him make the next move, if there is one. Go about your business and live your life. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 Oh, cut yourself some slack! Amazing that he texted back. From the first post I was thinking "oh, honey, he shut the door and you haven't even noticed". Just goes to show. Now, let him make the next move, if there is one. Go about your business and live your life. Yes I was surprised by his reply - and something so openly about sex/flirty... but in the next text he just confirmed that he was seeing someone and implied he wouldn't be unfaithful... so NOT entirely sure why he said anything about anything. In the end - it confirms that he is still with someone.... that doesn't change anything for me and him. Letting it go though I really don't want to.... Link to comment
rapunzel Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Just curious - did you send him another text that he responded to or was his response to one you sent a a few weeks ago? At least you now know that he is seeing someone, much as it is disappointing. Cats, I know how hard it is (and you certainly know how hard it is for me!) but you really HAVE to let this one go. I don't think what you wrote was lame, as you were going with the flirty vibe of the texts. Yet if you continue to text him you will look desperate...unless of course, you do just want to be friends with him and you don't care how it looks. By you saying "how unfortunate for me" you let him know you were still interested. If you don't care then text him from time to time, if you feel you have nothing to lose. But I don't think you'd be coming here posting about it if you didn't care. I think it's time to stop contacting him... completely. He is with someone else and he knows how to find you if that relationship ends. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 I'm not sure what I want.... sigh... I have to say I love the relationship I have with my ex-ex now... its comfortable and fun... no expectations... so many times I wish I had at least that with my current guy. I would love to be laughing on the phone with him... But, I suppose there is a part of me that does want more of his attention... I keep waffling... and therefore until I figure that out I haven't texted back. It won't hurt to wait AND make him wonder and I would have to say for him to break NC of 10weeks with me then he is wondering about something... just need to build on that I guess.... Hanging in there! Link to comment
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