Where is this going?

[Luke Skywalker]

In all relationships usually one partner likes the other partner more creating a bit of a lop-sided relationship. In this case, it seems my girlfriend is in love with me, and that's mainly due to the fact that I didn't have a girlfriend and she thinks she would be a good girlfriend to me, and after spending time on the telephone and sharing with me, she loves me. I'm sort of approaching this from the novelty of having a relationship since I never really had a girlfriend before and dont think I'm serious or mature enough to handle a full blown relationship.

 

I've sent a letter to her yesterday explaining my views, but she sort of brushed off what I said and just told me not to play any games on her or cheat on her since she's not doing that to me. It's like my letter hit a brick wall or something since it doesn't seem she acknowledged what I said.

 

So far I have been transparent with her, and have communicated where I stand, and that I may not be as serious as her. If she doesn't want to acknowledge my position -- then does that mean that it comes down to that I either have to have a serious relationship with her, or break-up with her?

 

I communicated to her, and from my threads that are on here (can do an advanced search for all my recent threads since I'm just talking about her), it doesn't seem like I'm capable of making a serious or mature relationship with anyone at this time. I think she is 35 y/o and is thinking of wedding bells or marriage and is desperate. I think I just want a laid back sort of relationship and just have fun, but I'm not thinking that seriously since I just know her for a week, and most of our correspondence has been by telephone/email, or I sold a home to her as a professoinal before.

 

At this point, I'm confused as to what to do if I already sent her a letter. If she doesn't acknowledge my letter, what else can I do?

[CallingAllAngels]

Sounds like she's in denial to me.

 

You've made yourself clear...I would continue to make yourself clear and make sure not to lead her on. If it becomes too much, I would break it off.

[_Asti_]

Just make sure your actions relfect what you want.

If you want something light, fun and casual, then act accordingly.

Don't give off mixed messages...let your actions do the speaking since your words are falling on deaf ears.

[Luke Skywalker]

Just make sure your actions relfect what you want.

If you want something light, fun and casual, then act accordingly.

Don't give off mixed messages...let your actions do the speaking since your words are falling on deaf ears.

 

Problem is I don't even know what I want, but I certainly don't want anything forced on to me. Sometimes I tell her that I love her, or that I love her too if she tells me that she loves me. But for some reason my love is more or less still growing, and appears more of a 'child' that wants emotional security from a mother-figure in analogy, I think, (I have a mom by the way) rather than real romantic love, or I want to marry you tomorrow love.

 

Should I stop telling her that I love her too when she tells me she loves me, and hold back telling her that I love her. Or maybe tell her I'm not sure, or I love her because she loves me and I like that? I'm not sure what to do.

[_Asti_]

Well who;s to say she's not taking your I Love You's as an "I want to spend my life with you.." sort of thing.

Generally when two people exchange I Love You, its in the romantic sense, the I want to be with you, sense, the I want more out of life with you, sense.

Or atleast in this situation, her ILY's are being said as an "Lets get married and have babies..." and she probably thinks that you are returning it and saying it, you must feel the same.

 

I don't think she's taking your ILY's the way you are meaning them, and she's probably saying them with different feelings behind them, then you are.

 

For some people, exchanging those words can have a deeper meaning, shows their commitment and their wants and desires from that person.

 

Thats why many people are hesitant about saying those words because for some people, there's alot connected to them, or they imply something.

 

I would be careful...this is a girl who knows what she wants and wants it from you...if you don't want the same, or don't even know what you want, maybe you need to figure that out first before getting inovled with a girl who's pretty focused on these things.

[Luke Skywalker]

I would be careful...this is a girl who knows what she wants and wants it from you...if you don't want the same, or don't even know what you want, maybe you need to figure that out first before getting inovled with a girl who's pretty focused on these things.

 

Okay, so she is probably has a whole different set of connotations that are implied with words like that from her end.

 

Figuring out what I want is a problem, because what I "officially" may want, and what I "actually" want sometimes contradict each other. For example, I may think this girl may be great for me, and maybe I can feel someone is there for me and have this 'love' feelings.

 

However, I may also feel unsatisfied because of her looks as evident on a few threads I wrote on the 'Infidelity" section and may be in denial myself about how important physical looks are to me, in a relationship, or even if I'm mature enough or ready to start a relationship with anyone if I feel that I'm really not meeting enough people or successfully building social networks.. I'm not sure if I really want to really be with a really Black woman, or a ligher complexion woman (may be Black too, but not too Black -- in fact I prefer the exotic mixture types) with naturally straight hair. On some level I really don't know if I'm satisfied with her. However, we get along so well, and I don't want to feel superficial by concentrating on "looks" at the expense of her other positive traits.

[Luke Skywalker]

Sounds like she's in denial to me.

 

You've made yourself clear...I would continue to make yourself clear and make sure not to lead her on. If it becomes too much, I would break it off.

 

I sent another letter to her reiterating what I told her on a much firmer and clearer sort of tone. Hopefully she'll get it this time.