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Saying "I Love you" to family


irish-gal
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Just wondering why some families find it so impossible to tell eachother they love them.I mean mine love me to pieces which show by their actions (which is most important IMO as words can sometimes be meaningless).But i'm starting to feel that theres more to it.do u think i wud be right in thinking their parents were strict and never said i love you and now they fear rejection/not being loved etc..Really bugging me lately.

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That's actually an interesting thought you bring up, one to which I have no answer...

 

I'm kinda like that with my family too. We don't say I love you to each other, but in some way, we just know. In the little things that we do for each other, in the way that we hug each other, or spend time together, you can just feel it. Sometimes words just aren't necessary.

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Hmmm... I can't imagine not being told "I love you" by family. Me and my family members all say it to one another every time we talk, before we hang up the phone- or when hugging "good-bye".

 

I tell my little boy I love him multiple times every day. His day ends with "I love you, goodnight".

 

My husband grew up in a family where he wasn't told "I love you" often as a kid, but he stills says it to our son.

 

I say it more than ever now- because I live life for today. You never know when the last time you will talk to someone will be. My family learned that when my uncle was killed suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of year ago. I think it made all of us more sensitive to saying "I love you" any chance we get. God forbid if something happened to one of my relatives again, I will know that they knew I loved them.

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My parents never said / say it. And I doubt their parents ever did either. Long line of abuse - children were also supposed to earn their way through work and chores when my parents were raised. Wanted me to do the same. Love didn't matter to my dad, my mom just had a baby obsession and didn't know what to do with any kid over the age of 6 I think (she raised her brothers).

 

So yeah, upbringing can have a big effect on using that word, I think

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My parents never said / say it. And I doubt their parents ever did either. Long line of abuse - children were also supposed to earn their way through work and chores when my parents were raised. Wanted me to do the same. Love didn't matter to my dad, my mom just had a baby obsession and didn't know what to do with any kid over the age of 6 I think (she raised her brothers).

 

So yeah, upbringing can have a big effect on using that word, I think

 

yeah i think it may have something to do with their history of just being in regular families (non abusive i think) but surely u would try and stop the cycle, i mean i plan to tell my children some day i love them all the time so why didn't mine?i mean apparently theres no greater love than parent to child???

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really interesting question. i wonder if there have been any studies done on this sort of thing. some families place a different emphasis on the idea. one could argue that because of the bond that's shared between family...the words aren't entirely necessary on a regular basis. of course...it works the other way too. one could suggest that it's the most important environment in which to express love verbally.

 

it probably sounds cynical...but i sometimes wonder if parents (i've noticed mothers in particular) have an overwhelming need to know that the attatchment they have with their children is strong. it's almost like the words give them validation as a parent. i've noticed this particularily in women who see having children as their ultimate purpose...or salvation. having children is the way they attain happiness. children are obviously a source of happiness...but i wonder sometimes if some parents become too dependent on their children to maintain happiness. i've had the opportunity to see a lot of different parents who are going through the 'empty nest' phenomenon. from my perspective...these are all loving, providing parents.

some are devastated by the prospect...others see it as the natural process of things. i think it's the same idea as finding salvation in a relationship...be it personal, romantic, or spiritual. it never provides you with sustainable peace.

 

of course...i don't have kids of my own...so my opinion on the matter might be void.

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Me and my family members all say it to one another every time we talk, before we hang up the phone- or when hugging "good-bye".

 

I tell my little boy I love him multiple times every day. His day ends with "I love you, goodnight".

Ditto!. Our family is exactly the same. It just comes naturally and always has. Many of our friends are amazed at how we interact so easily, lol. I can't imagine not ever saying "I love you" to my kids (or other family members).

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