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"i care about you but I can't ever offer a relationship"


Caterina

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He likes you but doesn't see a long-term commitment because of something about you. Maybe he thinks he can do better looks-wise, so in a relationship he'd always be looking for someone better to come along, and that would create friction. Or it could be something else like religion or something that would matter in the long-term. He may be open to something casual but thinks that you will get more attached than him and the break up will be ugly. Or he thinks you don't want something casual. Are you already involved with him, but no committed relationship?

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I've said that to a girl before. Main reason was that I was still with my ex at the time. However, if I wasn't with my ex at the time I would of still said it. Why? Because the girl was over weight by a lot, and I am not physically attracted to that.

 

So for someone to say that there has to be a reaon why they would say that.

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What if the same guy who said this to you told you that you were pretty a few times and that he found you attractive? What if he tried to sleep with you? Is it possible he was lying and was only mildly attracted to you?

 

The guy did those things. When I directly asked him why, he said he said, "something is missing." And when I asked him when it was all over, when I stopped talking to him, when it was obvious we'd never be friends again, he said, "I don't know, you're too religious?"

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Thing is, he dragged me around in what he called a "friendship" for three years. I believed him. I cared about him and part of me still can't believe it was a lie. What was so great about him that he thought he was better than me? What was so lacking about me? Money?

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well, i don't know a lot of details about your situation with him, but a man can care about you as a friend, and not see you in a romantic light. it doesn't mean he thinks you aren't good enough for him. just not compatible. my personal dealbreakers - i don't want to date a man who isn't interested in world travel. my friend is married to a man who has no desire to leave the country, he's just fine at home. which means if she wants to go to europe on vacation, she'll just have to go by herself. that works for her, but not for me.

 

maybe it is culture/relgions/values/views on children, etc...? sometimes it's just a lack of chemistry. i have male friends who i think are wonderful, great people, but i just am not interested in them in that way that i should be interested in a boyfriend.

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But for what reasons?

 

Reasons like you not being "good enough" for him (in HIS opinion, so it doesn't mean he is right), not feeling a connection, maybe not feeling like you where enough of a "chase" so he feels he's gotten what he wanted and isn't interested in persuing a relationship.

 

I've had guys say that to me, once I think. He told me he wasn't ready to be serious, and actually he wasn't lying. He said I was a nice girl who treated him well, but he just didn't see me as gf material. I did everything right in my opinion aside from a few glitches here and there, but hey.. I was just being me. And if he didn't like it what to do. It sucked at first but later I went on to find a guy who liked me just the way I was.

 

Just think back to guys who where interested in you, and you like them. Just not in "that" way that you would want a relationship with them.

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First of all, please realize that men will say something and not realize the repercussions of what they are saying. What one guys says when he says it, may sound completely insensitive and disturbing to you.

 

Keep this in mind when you're dating:

1) Men can be gerks.

2) I've been rejected lots of times. A guy I was really attracted to told me he had "no interest pursuing ANYTHING with me" -- I hated that! The worst statement I got... ever... from any guy.

3) Move on. You can do better. It's HIS loss, after all.

 

I can relate to you. I really can. I hope this helps.

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I'm not the kind of person to be snobby but to me it seems ridiculous for him to think I'm not "good enough". I mean, if I were the kind of person who looked at that kind of stuff...I'm better looking, smarter than he is. He probably came from a wealthy family but if you look at all the women he dated...they were usually vapid, or stupid...urban ghetto types.

 

 

 

Ouch with #2, that guy was a JERK! Some men are jerks, but I thought I avoided them. THis guy tricked me by acting like a friend and making sexual comments like a lover.

 

 

Thing is, I've seen a ton of cases where a superior falls for the inferior and the inferior, thinking themselves actually superior, rejects their superior.

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inferior/superior is a bad way to evaluate people. unless you're playing S&M games.

 

"I don't know, you're too religious?" -- well, are you? religion could be a deal-breaker for me too. also, a guy could say that if he's focused on other areas of his life (school/career), or just isn't cut out for long term relationships.

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I'm not the kind of person to be snobby but to me it seems ridiculous for him to think I'm not "good enough". I mean, if I were the kind of person who looked at that kind of stuff...I'm better looking, smarter than he is. He probably came from a wealthy family but if you look at all the women he dated...they were usually vapid, or stupid...urban ghetto types.

 

I know. And that's what hurts most and is even most confusing.

 

This one other guy told me "I like you, you're such a great gf.. yadda yadda". It was a similar version of "I like you but don't want to be in a relationship with you." Just indirectly put.

 

The girl (his ex) he went back to had much lower education (didn't even finish highschool), didn't have a job and it looked like she planned on not working ever, was materialistic, had cheated on him, made him distance from all his friends and family, and the list goes on... In my opinion I was way better then her as a catch and as relationship material.

 

 

It could have been other things which made him think he just didn't see you as relationship material. Mostly it's not just one thing which makes a person think or feel they just don't want to be with you in a relationship. It's just not as simple as liking someone, and then getting into a relationship.

Different factors play a role like: life goals, timing, if they're ready to settle at the time they're dating you, are there exes he's still into?, does he value brains or looks or something else..

 

It could have also been that you where just more into him and therefore didn't see he wasn't really serious about having a relationship? Or maybe he just wants to still date around and gives several women the sweet talk.

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What if the same guy who said this to you told you that you were pretty a few times and that he found you attractive? What if he tried to sleep with you? Is it possible he was lying and was only mildly attracted to you?

 

The guy did those things. When I directly asked him why, he said he said, "something is missing." And when I asked him when it was all over, when I stopped talking to him, when it was obvious we'd never be friends again, he said, "I don't know, you're too religious?"

 

Oh sorry I missed this post.

Maybe he was turned off due to you not wanting to have sex? (I assume you guys didn't?)

From my experience, if that's what he was after, it was never there to begin with and anything you did or didn't do, would not have made him want you as relationship material.

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Caterina,

 

Again, I have to say, it is NOT you. It is his issue, not yours. Stop trying to find a way to find fault with yourself.

 

Why he did not want a relationship will always be a mystery. It is not about YOU. You know you are intelligent, attractive. He is not a barometer of your desirability. If I had to make a guess of why he didn't want a relationship? You are too smart for him. He dragged you around as a friendship because he wanted to sleep with you (because you are attractive), but didn't have the muster to to have a relationship with you, as he knows, deep down, he is not worthy. Which is why you should let it go. I hope you are still on NC.

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