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Another "sex" talk with my son. Help!


KG

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I noticed this morning that he had been googling "sodomy" last night after I went to bed. But because he couldn't spell it, got no reponses.

 

What is a kid-friendly, PC way of explaining this to him? I have no clue.....

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That's a tough one. My parents never did talk to me about sex except to say: use a condom and don't get pregnant! Lol. I think that there are a whole host of guides out there for parents. Some are probably free online, others are books you have to buy. I haven't got a clue. Maybe some parents here will be able to help. I'm just writing to say good luck!

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My first question would be "why do you ask"

 

Where did he hear the word, and in what context....

 

Start from there, it might only be a symptom of a greater issue. I'm thinking gay-bashing or something like that....Something else that you'd want to address simultaneously....

 

Otherwise, yeah, the clinical definition is pretty straightforward...to me the bigger issue is what will the meaning mean to him...

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sodomy is used to define bad things adults do to children, or good things adults do to other adults

i always wondered the difference when you hear people being convicted, using the term 'sodomy' and if that specifically meant anal....

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Not sure if it helps you or not but I have 10 year old twins and purchased a couple of age appropriate books that covered sex, anatomy, and why it was important to take proper care of yourself. I read the books through then gave them to the girls and they read them after that we talked about any questions they had.

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Well first of all, did he ask you or did you happen to find that he googled it?

 

My 2 cents... just let him know, in a non over powering way, that you are always available to talk to him about sex questions and that you will discuss his curiosities without judgement. Then realize he may never take you up on it. My experience has been, the more I tried to bring up specifics, the less likely my kids were willing to talk to me about it.

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Well first of all, did he ask you or did you happen to find that he googled it?

 

My 2 cents... just let him know, in a non over powering way, that you are always available to talk to him about sex questions and that you will discuss his curiosities without judgement. Then realize he may never take you up on it. My experience has been, the more I tried to bring up specifics, the less likely my kids were willing to talk to me about it.

 

Agreed. Except he may not even know that it's sexually related. Someone may have used the term in a way that he was unsure of the context.

 

I'd maybe say, "I went to google something, and the word 'sodomy' autofilled...that term is often misused, is there anything you want to ask me about it?"

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yeah.. and he might be the kind of kid that would be OK with that.. or he might feel his privacy intruded. Believe me.. I would agree that a 14 yo shouldn't expect full privacy, but I also know this is the age where parental intrusion is a BIG factor! or can be. The last thing KG wants to start doing right now is help his son build walls... and it happens very quickly.

 

*edit* for clarification.. when I meant his curiosities, I meant ALL of them... not just sexual in nature. When I was in third grade, I was reading (behind my mom's back) the novel Love Story. I kept reading SOB.. thinking it meant crying, except that didn't make any contextual sense... so I asked my mom what it meant and she refused tell me. So I told her I'd just ask my teacher.. well, she immediately told me and it was no big deal. I wasn't scarred for life because I found out what SOB meant when I was 9. Silly example, but the only one I could think of.

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Just out of curiosity, is this on a shared computer that he's been searching these words? Or were you looking at his personal computer?

 

I ask because if it's a shared one then it's easier to bring up that you noticed the word had been searched, but if it was his personal computer then I'd forget mentioning you actually saw something and just take this as a sign to get him some reading material.

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Just out of curiosity, is this on a shared computer that he's been searching these words? Or were you looking at his personal computer?

 

I ask because if it's a shared one then it's easier to bring up that you noticed the word had been searched, but if it was his personal computer then I'd forget mentioning you actually saw something and just take this as a sign to get him some reading material.

 

good point...if it is a shared computer, that changes up the equation.

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KG, does your son know that you check is internet usage? If he does, that might have been his way to show you that he wants to talk about it. Just a thought...

 

We share the same computer, but he forgets any googling stays stays in the Google Search History.

 

I think I'll ask what that word is, see where it goes. He and I have a very open relationship regarding talking about sex, but this is new one for me.

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It's possible that he doesn't know what 'sodomy' means at all. He might have just heard it somewhere and was trying to figure out what it means (i hate that word lol).

 

This made me think of something. When I was in my early teens and the Blink 182 song "What's my age again" came out, there is a line saying "the state looks down on sodomy" and I went for a couple years having NO CLUE what that meant.

 

Maybe he's a fan of the song. lol

I definitely think he was just heard the word somewhere and was trying to investigate, having no clue what it meant.

 

It might not even be something you need to discuss, honestly. It's really a term for an assault more than a sexual act.

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We talked. He heard it on a Green Day song last night. So I explained the sexual connotation, and about assault. We're cool. He grimaced though, so he won't be using that word again!

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We talked. He heard it on a Green Day song last night. So I explained the sexual connotation, and about assault. We're cool. He grimaced though, so he won't be using that word again!

 

I think it's great that he cares to understand the lyrics of the music. I think you should be pleased that he has the natural curiosity to want to find out about things he doesn't understand, rather than just drum on to the music like a drone....

 

Edit: No offense IphigeniaSaysHi!

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