Do you think I need therapy?

[Anusha]

Im trying to move on and I have kept to NC until now.Im trying to not think too much about my ex too.But my life is pretty messed now,my motivation is very low and I dont fell like doing anything.I stay home most of the time and dont fell like going out.I decided to give up my course because my situation there was too complicated already(too many missing classes,two failed subjects and a possible third one) and I just cant put the effort on going to classes and doing the projects.Im not felling sad,I mean I was before but now not much anymore.Im just without motivation for things.You think I need to go therapy?

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

yes... you should... you sound depressed-

 

i'm sorry you are feeling so down -

[lostandhurt]

I think a combination of meds and therapy might help you. Go see your doctor and get a physical first. Blood work and everything.

Before you go see a therapist write down what you hope to get out of therapy. Many people think "I want to be happy" but it isn't that simple. Therapy helps you realize your own potential. It helps you learn how to deal with the things in your life that seem to bring you down so low that you cannot get out by yourself. Therapy takes work and honesty with the therapist and yourself.

 

Best wishes

Lost

[CallingAllAngels]

Yes, I think you should go to therapy, and possibly see your dr. You may need an antidepressant. Have you ever taken one?

[penelope13]

Yes, I think therapy could be very beneficial for you. You need to find a new perspective in your life, and you actually have to start building your life.

 

Sitting at home, not being motivated for anything, is not the best way to pull yourself out of this

[Anusha]

Yes, I think you should go to therapy, and possibly see your dr. You may need an antidepressant. Have you ever taken one?

 

Yes I have taken antidepressant before.

[metafisics]

I also agree that you perhaps need some intervention, maybe in the form of therapy.

 

I know its hard going through a tough time when you're studying. I'll share my experience with you and hope it makes a difference.

 

When I was at varsity I broke up with my boyfriend and realised that I was consumed by the breakup and could not study. The idea of failing due to not studying adding to my breakup pain just terrified me. I then told myself that I refuse to have the breakup impacting negatively on other areas of my life. I studied like like my life depended on it! Guess what? Not only did I get first class for the semester, my boyfriend who was in the same class btw, gained more respect for me when he realised that my world did not revolve around him and he came back and undertook to put more effort into the relationship. Since then, when I go through a heartache, I focus on improving other areas in my life and the results nornally minimise or erase the cause of my heartache.

 

Think about it this way, you'll be angry with yourself when you look back and realise you have sacrificed certain areas of your life because of one person.

 

Have you never had your heart broken by someone and in hind sight you even wonder what the big deal was with them?!

[Anusha]

Yes, I think therapy could be very beneficial for you. You need to find a new perspective in your life, and you actually have to start building your life.

 

Sitting at home, not being motivated for anything, is not the best way to pull yourself out of this

 

I know that I should be geting busy but I just dont fell in the mood for it.I need to do something about it.

[CallingAllAngels]

Yes I have taken antidepressant before.

 

Did you find them helpful?

[penelope13]

Are you afraid that in case you would be going out and doing things with your life, you would still not find the love that you are seeking, and thus you are sabotaging yourself to make sure that you don't have love instead of risking of maybe not finding it?

 

Unfortunately that's not the way life works: you have to be proactive, and you have to take risks.

 

For the time being I would suggest to you to first take care of your job situation by figuring out what you want to do and then taking appropriate actions. this will already make you feel so much better about yourself

[Anusha]

Thanks for sharing you story I just cant put the effort on it,like I said I dont fell like going to classes or puting effort on the projects.And for me to be able to pass I know I have to not miss any class anymore and put 100% on the projects but I cant do it.

[CallingAllAngels]

^if you think you can't, you can't. If you think you can, you can.

[Anusha]

Did you find them helpful?

 

Not really,I did fell better but I always end up taking them for way too long and too many medicines and being depend on them.

[Anusha]

Are you afraid that in case you would be going out and doing things with your life, you would still not find the love that you are seeking, and thus you are sabotaging yourself to make sure that you don't have love instead of risking of maybe not finding it?

 

Unfortunately that's not the way life works: you have to be proactive, and you have to take risks.

 

For the time being I would suggest to you to first take care of your job situation by figuring out what you want to do and then taking appropriate actions. this will already make you feel so much better about yourself

 

I dont know why I do that to be honest.While I was with my ex I used to do it too.The past years of my life was like that,either I start something and give up before finishing or do nothing.I just dont know what I want to do as a job and once I think I found something I just change my mind about it.Maybe there is some reason for that I can find out in therapy.

[Anusha]

^if you think you can't, you can't. If you think you can, you can.

 

I cant,my situation there is way too complicated.I cant even do 100% now and to pass I would have to do more since I have two failed subjects.I cant even go there on normal time so imagine going to extra classes and so on.

[penelope13]

Yes, therapy sounds indeed like a very good idea for you.

 

At a certain point in life, you just have to force yourself to some kind of self discipline, regardless if you have energy/ motivation.

 

Some of those include:

- having a somewhat regular life style, i.e. don't sleep in just because you can't be bothered to do anything else, force yourself to get up, go for a walk, just DO something

- working on finding a job/ class that you want and then stick to it, no matter what. Even if you are not interested anymore, just finish the class, turn up to work regularly

- having some kind of social life, either by joining a group, going out by yourself, doing volunteering work; force yourself to interact with others, not only via the internet, but in person

[penelope13]

what keeps you from going to your classes on 'normal time'?

[drewciouS281]

go buy the book or dvd "The Secret". It should help you get out of this and back on track. also possibly the all natural supplement "st. johns wort". Its like an all natural prozac.

[Anusha]

what keeps you from going to your classes on 'normal time'?

 

I dont fell like it at all.I tried going yesterday and today but when my alarms ring my wanting to go there is so small that I cant even bother to get out the bed.And once Im there I cant wait for it to finish.That have been happening since the middle of the course,I passed the limit of missing class before and the supervisor told me I couldnt miss classes anymore.I could keep it for a month and then started it again,I just really dont like to go there.

[Anusha]

Just to explain better that isnt something Im proud of,I do fell bad for not being able to do it.But I just cant find the motivation inside me to keep it.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

anush .. you sound like you are depressed- very depressed... and i really think you need to go talk with your doctor.

 

something is making you very very sad...

 

im sorry you are going through this.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

go buy the book or dvd "The Secret". It should help you get out of this and back on track. also possibly the all natural supplement "st. johns wort". Its like an all natural prozac.

 

if you think the secret is good.. you should read the "law of attraction" .. that one is even better.

[ghost69]

honestly, yes anusha you should get advice elsewhere than here. you have had so many threads about this guy/relationship. it almost sounds like he was your everything, your world. you had him on a pedestal for so long that you failed to realize you have your own life and that not everything revolves a SO. then you have posts where you say you are okay, then 10 minutes later another thread where you are hurting again.

 

the thing you need to realize, and i've posted this several times, is that life isn't all about someone else....it's about you. YOU!!!. sure, it's great to share 'YOU' with someone, but it's not everything. happiness comes from within, not someone else. they can contribute, but you have to be able to realize even single the world is beautiful. i'm not trying to be a poet or anything, but you have to understand life throws all kinds of things at you and other people CAN suck. some bad people out there affect us. why? because they are living their life the way they want even if it means hurting ourselves.

 

if you are content with yourself and confident in being who you are, none of this crap drama will affect your life. the only things that affect me are my family, my really close friends, and myself. those are the closest people to me. some girl i date or whatever isn't going to make my life complete. it can make my life more fulfilling, but it's not my everything.

 

i hope this makes sense and gives you more insight on how you should live. i tell all of my friends this. one of my closest friends got crushed by a girl and had the sob story pity party with me all the time. i laid it out for him just like this. he saw the light, realized how toxic his relationship was and that the girl was wrong for him even though he was so in love. same type of situation....almost the exact same as yours.

 

i like to help people and if this helps you, awesome. even if it gets you in the right direction, cool. i hope you get to some type of level you can live comfortably on, because this isn't a healthy way to live.

[Anusha]

Thank you everybody and nice post ghost,it really made me think.I think Im very sad like you said HealingHandsWarmHeart,I think this lack of motivation can be sadness.I think Im not being able to handle my break up well and right I need therapy.

 

You are right ghost,I make my relationship my everything and forget about myself and my own life.For the past years my life was mainly worrying about how to fix my relationship and everything else just got tossed aside.I need to sort my life.I have been reading about self esteem,fulfill your own needs,love yourself so Im geting there

[funsinglemommy]

I am still grieving a bit and am going to schedule counseling. I think it helps to talk to someone who can give you actions that you can take and suggestions in fixing yourself first.