LOVE on the DOWN low

[4EVERinLOVE]

new to this site and i desperately need some advice, if you're willing to read!

 

i've been with this guy going on 3 years this coming august: ladies and gentlemen i think this is the ONE! i won't get into the mushy gushy logistics, but our relationship is truly 50/50, filled with love, and i can honestly say he is my lover and my bestfriend.

 

so here's my dilemma,

 

i wouldn't say i started dating him behind my parents back, but as a precaution,wanted to see where the relationship went before i introduced him to my family. my family and i do not have the best relationship, i was adopted when i was young and haven't seemed to quite find my niche within the family circle. i've always been the odd one out not only in looks but also in almost every way POSSIBLE WE ARE JUST PLAIN DIFFERENT! and, our clashing personalities have caused a LOT of tension throughout the years. but, i like to think my birth mother had the same free spirit and loving personality that i have but my biological family history is a mystery another factor that enters into this relationship is that i come from an upper middle class caucasian family (very strict and old fashioned) and he hails from a hispanic family in the inner city.

 

anyways, i guess one could say he gave his OWN introduction into the family, when my nosey father was looking through my phone one day and found A SEX VIDEO on my phone. YES! i know how stupid can you be ](*,)! my dad couldn't look at me (his youngest daughter) the same way for like 3 months! UGHHH! lol.

 

to make a long story just a bit shorter, after that video was found i was forbidden to see him ever again. and like the young, crazy in love, teenager i was and still am, i continued to see where this journey was going to take me.

 

now...3 years after this little incident (& getting dubbed the pornstar of the family) we are still together. this past year i started my freshman year in college, im 19 he's 23, and i was able to see him as much as i wanted! and MAN was that great!!! his family and i get along really good and they know and understand how deep our love goes. but many times i find myself wishing he could share these same moments with my family. the school year is over and unfortunately i've had to move back home with my family.

 

the question i need advice on is how do i reintroduce him to my family and make things work out for everybody? i'm scared they will say i am once again forbidden to see him. i know i am above 18 and i could move out, but my family is just as important as his family in this relationship, and i would love them to be a part of it

 

i know my family, and the main thing they will be concerned about is money, basically him not being able to support me or our kids (when we have them). my family has always had strong stereotypes of those who are different then them, including me, i cannot tell you how many times i've heard them say "you're asian, you're suppose to be smart and get good grades". UGH.... or always wanting me to date a white guy, or sometimes even referring to me as "white". in bad arguments my mother has even said that "i was going to end up like my biological mother" OKAY im going on a tangent, but

 

i know he may not be able to offer me the fancy lifestyle my parents have dreamed for me, but i know for a fact that he will work/try his hardest to provide the best life for me that he can....

[Xylitol]

There are several factors to take into consideration. It mainly means that you have to find ways how to 'tackle' + deal with things that you encounter in life. For instance

 

-the stereotyping-

 

"your asian, your supposed to get good grades, you don't fit into our family, you are different, you want to be white don't you?"

 

These are only a few remarks but there's a ton of em 'stereotypes' that you are going to encounter in life, and you are going to hit into them again and again and again if you don't approuch them in a correct way. Like rubi cubes you have to solve them in a certain way in order how to deal with them.

 

Yes, you are Asian, and you better make the best of it. Other people aren't better then you just because they are black or white, It might be indeed a bitter pill to swallow if you don't like who you are , but think about it, that isn't a skin rather then a mental problem. You have to learn to love you for who you are and row with your god given boat as hard as you can. Its no use looking at how green the grass is at other people's houses while letting your own grass become brown and rot, therefore mentally you must focus your attention on attending your life. Think about it, if i insult you like your family saying 'you are an ugly asian', should you take it to your heart and let it destroy you or should you say , this guy is stupid i should not take him seriously. The latter is how you should think because there are many people out there who do not care for you and who do not mind smashing your heart to pieces, it is therefore of vital importance that you protect your heart against those who do not care for you.

 

You should distantiate yourself from your family and surround yourself with people whom with you want to be and to whom you can relate to. Yes your family was wonderfull for bringing you up, but you have to become an independent woman who takes care of herself. Not only that, you must strive to bring love and light into the lives of other people, first take care of yourself, and help others along the way. Once you are independent you can bring someone in your life who loves you. Remember no one is perfect, sometimes even those who love you might hurt you, you must brace yourself for those occassions , be forgiving but do not let people walk over you and take measures against those who hurt your heart but do not leash out towards the innocent.

 

Remember you have to 'earn what you receive in life', good grades nor a happy life,nothing comes by itself. If you do not seed how can you harvest anything? You will have to work hard, be strict,make smart decisions, be disciplined and studious if you want good grades, this is not to encage you into a life that you do not want, it is just the way how it is.