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Relationship vs. Money


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Truth About Cell Phones In A Relati...
Truth About Cell Phones In A Relationship

My boyfriend doesnt work and hasnt worked since i've been dating him which is 2 years. He loves to spend money, and he ends up spending mine. He always has something that he wants, and they aren't petty little things, they are things that cost $100's of dollars. Right now my birthday is coming up, and he is also into a very expensive hobby and expects my paycheque to go towards his hobby and because of that he thinks that i shouldn't celebrate. He says that spending money to celebrate my birthday is a waste. I told him i was going to buy a dress for my own bday and he got mad at me saying that its a waste who gets a dress for their bday. He tells me how to spend my own money, and takes my debit card and keeps it. Yesterday i told him that im going to get a dress and its not fair for him to tell me how to spend my money. He got mad and said that i was so excited to get stuff for my hobby and your birthday had to come crush my hopes to get anything. I suggested he get a job to help finance his hobby, he then said that he is not going to pursue his hobby anymore..only because i confronted him and told him to get a job to help finance his hobby. And he has been giving me the cold shoulder since.

 

I have a really good job that pays well and I want to save. My parents also keep asking me where my money keeps going because i always seem like im broke.

 

Whats going on here? I feel so upset that this is happening to me. He doesn't appreciate all the things i have given and done for him thus far.

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He doesn't have a job? Does he live with you and mooch off your house, hot water, and food?

 

Take your debit card back and do not let him have it. Tell him to get off his lazy butt and get a job. Buy yourself a nice dress for your birthday and celebrate.

 

As your first birthday gift, I suggest you get a safety deposit box where you lock your important documents and your purse/debit card when you're home.

 

Take YOUR money and put it in YOUR account that only YOU have access to. You sound pretty responsible. Spend a little if you want to. Save because you need to.

 

Seriously, why are you letting him spend your hard-earned money on fancy stuff he probably doesn't even need? Why are you even with him? He sounds controlling. Not letting you spend your own money and saying it's a "waste" to celebrate a birthday?!

 

He sounds like an immature jerk. If he doesn't make major efforts toward a job and change in the next week I'd kick him to the curb.

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God. My ex used to be like that. Always spending my hard earned cash, and when he did have a job. Whined because i worked my butt off, and earned more than him. So he quit working, to start working with him friends for free.

 

And I ended up paying for the expensive gym membership that he'd no longer take me too. His car, his insurence, phone bills, rent. IT was a joke. I also had to pay for his car to be all done up, for him to end up crashing it. I also bought him a £300 car stereo thing, and after 4 weeks of having it, gave it to his friend.

 

I had to work my butt of to keep him happy.

 

Yet if my mum, who is disabled, if her heating broke.. and I bought her heaters for her home until they fixed it... he freaks..

 

And my poor dad, single father. Was so broke, he couldn't afford nappys for his baby... I was never forgiven for giving him money. Or buying him a car.

 

Get out of the relationship if I were you.

 

He'll keep taking until you have nothing left.

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he doesn't live with me, he lives with his mother and father. I dont want to be in debt he spends his visa..and i pay that off too... i dont understand why its difficult for some people to get a job...at first i did get him things he wanted and i rarely spend on myself..until this sitation came i didnt realize his wants were more imprtant than mine. I said that he cares about his hobby more than me, and he said that can go both ways as you care about your dress and bday more than my happiness. Yes i did say id help him out for his hobby but i would think its common sense if your significant others bday is coming up you would let them celebrate and be happy to celebrate with them and wait for your hobby.

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Been there too, only my ex would steal my debit card and any cash I had when I was sleeping. I would work at 5 am and he would go out and party all night, telling me that he was "working". It got so bad that my rent cheques bounced, though I had budgeted perfectly and I knew that I had enough $ for rent and everything else. It was a nightmare and only one small part of how messed up the situation was. Drop this guy like a bad habit. He won't change.

 

 

Stop giving him any money, period. Keep your money with you at all times, and keep it locked up.

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omg i feel for you hun...my parents are very sweet and they dont ask for a single penny, even tho i work they get me a lot of things because they want me to save..little do they know..and last weekend me and my mom went out to eat..and my mom turned to me and said when will the day come that you will be able to take me out for a treat..my heart sunk i feel so bad..i want to help my parents out instead of financing materialistic things..are you still in the relationship..if so how did you work things out..if you aren't how did things end?

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^^ sorry, but the type of person I like may lose his job, but he would do his utmost to find one, anyone, rather than not do anything for 2 years. 2 years is a really long time. maybe it's not the high profile job that he would have wanted, but there is always a job out there, if you want to find something to do. if the economical situation is so difficult that you cannot find anything, there are enough opportunities to do something useful with your time such as volunteering.

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Your bf seems very controlling. He doesn't want you to use your OWN money on yourself, but only on him???

 

thas how i feel, he buys things for himself and i havent really ever needed or wanted anything for myself for a while...until now

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^^ sorry, but the type of person I like may lose his job, but he would do his utmost to find one, anyone, rather than not do anything for 2 years. 2 years is a really long time. maybe it's not the high profile job that he would have wanted, but there is always a job out there, if you want to find something to do. if the economical situation is so difficult that you cannot find anything, there are enough opportunities to do something useful with your time such as volunteering.

 

yes you are very right, and i am the one that sends out resume's for him, im not sure what he is waiting for. He wants to live luxurious life but puts no effort towards it but instead looks at me to be his financial provider. I dont want him to think ima gold digger and materialistic and the fact that he has no money bugs me because it thats not the part that is effecting me.. its just that i want to save and want to be able to spend my own money when i want and where i want..is that so much to ask for?

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ok sweetheart, dont take this the wrong way cause i mean it with all do respect. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!! If this guy is really telling you the things you have been telling us, he is a worthless piece of scum! come on now. is the sex that good or something? I cannot believe you actually pay off his debts and your going to let him guilt trip you to paying for HIS hobbies. Ive heard some scummy people on here but i think this guy takes the cake for me! Please Please Please tell him to eithe get a job and start taking care of himself or tell him to hit the road. You dont wanna be in debt so dont. Debt has a name and its name is your boyfriends!

 

What is his hobby anyway? Does he expect to have a sugar mama all his life? Your his girlfriend, not his mother/provider and he knows he can get away with this. Teach him a lesson. stop paying for his cards, go out and enjoy your birthday with your friends and without him. go get your dress and whatever else you want. SHow him your not going to be told what to do with your time and your money. Maybe it will be a slap accross his face to actually start making something of himself!

 

My girlfriend does acting and promotional modeling but its not a consistent job. I do pay for alot of her things and spoil her but she feels awful about it and tries really hard to look for work. With the economy today it is hard so i give her the benifit of the doubt but in return she cleans my house after me and my roomates, does my laundry and cooks dinner for me. when she does get money from modeling jobs she spoils me so therefore i dont mind as much but in your case your being TOLD what to do. wake up girl!

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This guy has done a real number on you, if you are afraid to be considered a 'gold digger' for wanting to save some money, while he sponges off of you.

 

I don't think this is a healthy relationship. How old is he, if I may aks?

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its making a reef aquairum tank which is an expensive hobby to get started from scratch..i am so happy for you..atleast the spending is both ways. and i also understand that in this economic sitiation it is hard to find a job but i would appreciate the effort.

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This guy has done a real number on you, if you are afraid to be considered a 'gold digger' for wanting to save some money, while he sponges off of you.

 

I don't think this is a healthy relationship. How old is he, if I may aks?

 

He is 22 years old

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its making a reef aquairum tank which is an expensive hobby to get started from scratch..i am so happy for you..atleast the spending is both ways. and i also understand that in this economic sitiation it is hard to find a job but i would appreciate the effort.

 

reef aquarium? are you serious? where did you find this guy. sorry, this just really makes me mad and i feel for you but at the same time its your fault. Your letting him do this to you.

 

can you answer me something? Why are you letting him do this and why are you staying with him? do you think you cant do any better cause i assure you you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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IMO, it's a character flaw if people sponge off of others. If he has trouble finding a job (is he actively sending out resumes every week?), fine, I can somewhat understand with the economy, but then at least in the rest of his life he should be conservative with his spending and should be utterly grateful to anyone who financially supports him.

 

He is still somewhat young and has not learned that life costs money. If you want something, you need to work for it.

 

Some people move states or even countries to find a job, so I don't have a lot of patience with someone who is not seriously making an effort to find a job, or to contribute to society in some meaningful way (raising kids, looking after your partner/family, volunteering etc).

 

But as long as you don't put your foot down and don't make him understand that there are consequences for him if he doesn't start saving/ contributing in some way, he will not feel a need to change.

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reef aquarium? are you serious? where did you find this guy. sorry, this just really makes me mad and i feel for you but at the same time its your fault. Your letting him do this to you.

 

can you answer me something? Why are you letting him do this and why are you staying with him? do you think you cant do any better cause i assure you you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

you are right, it is my fault that its happening to me. Im not sure what to do anymore..im sure since his hobbys dream has been "crushed" because of my birthday..he will lose feelings for me anyways and drift away, he has already been showing signs, i told him i wanted to see him today so i can talk to him about it he said no i dont want to talk about it, i will get mad if it comes up, and im busy today. I know if he wanted to he could make time but i guess he just doesnt want another confrontation.

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