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Tonight is time for some relationship talk!


Midgi
When He Says He Wants Space | Begin...
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After a lot of contemplation I decided to bring up the "where are we going talk". I have been dating this guy for 5 month now... or as my friend would put it "been going out with him for drinks every couple of weeks".

 

In the first month he called and texted me every day. Then after he went on holiday it cooled down and I applied the no contact rule... After contact started again after a couple of weeks he kept on texting me.

 

2 weeks later we are where we started. On Tuesday he texted me asking me whether we can postpone Thursday drinks to next Tuesday. When I did not reply, because I am fed up, he called. When asking me if we can do Tuesday I said NO! And he conceded to meeting me tonight.

 

However it got to the point where I either will have to live with it or end it. I will tell him tonight that either we are going to agree to see eachother more often, and have consistent contact or we end it now. And I will not give him the friends option either.

 

I am very nervous though... advice needed on how to get my point accross that I am nolonger willing to be the fallback girl without appearing too needy... ?

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it sounds a little redundant because it seems clear that he likes to have drinks with you every few weeks - that is the pattern over a pretty substantial period of time. if he wanted more, you would know by his actions (unless you rejected his requests to see you more but that doesn't seem likely). I don't think a talk is necessary - you can say, the next time he asks you out for drinks, simply tell him you're busy (and you are busy, keeping yourself open to men who want to date you with potential for a relationship). If he asks you out again, then perhaps you can tell him that you don't think it's appropriate to stay in touch since you want someone who wants a relationship with you and it seems clear by his actions that he does not.

 

I wouldn't do this to play a game as in getting him to tell you that, yes, he does want that, but you're simply stating the obvious, if he doesn't get the hint when you tell him you're busy. If he doesnt' ask you out again for drinks then you can just leave it at that.

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I think leave him now. Even if he agreed to see you more, that would only last a little while, then he would get back to the level which he's comfortable with, which is the level it's at now. That level isn't enough for you, so best to leave now before you get any deeper attached. Water finds its own level.

offplanet

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I think that at 5 months you pretty much know what he wants. He wants drinks every few weeks with you and that is it. If he wanted more you would know, he would have said something by now.

 

I would not have the talk and just see less of him while dating other people. Don't get hung up on this guy, he seems to have stalled-for whatever reason-and is not going anywhere. I find it a bit sad for a woman to have to sit a man down and say "where is this going?" there should be no need for that. When you are with someone who wants to be with you --you KNOW.

 

I would guess you are better than that, let it go and just move on.

 

best wishes

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I think that at 5 months you pretty much know what he wants. He wants drinks every few weeks with you and that is it. If he wanted more you would know, he would have said something by now.

 

I would not have the talk and just see less of him while dating other people. Don't get hung up on this guy, he seems to have stalled-for whatever reason-and is not going anywhere. I find it a bit sad for a woman to have to sit a man down and say "where is this going?" there should be no need for that. When you are with someone who wants to be with you --you KNOW.

 

I would guess you are better than that, let it go and just move on.

 

best wishes

 

yeah, i guess that's my take on it too, you said it better than i did.

 

i can understand not wanting to live in limbo, and if having a conversation makes you feel better, then you can do that. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i think no matter if you have the discussion or not, the outcome will likely be the same.

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