Do you have a laundry list...

[LightDrawer]

...of certain characteristics or traits that you don't want the person you're dating/seeing to have?

 

Amongst other things, I absolutely will not date passive men. They frustrate me. I once went on a date with a nice gentleman, but very passive. He opened doors and pulled out chairs for me. That I liked. However, when we ordered, it literally took an hour before our food arrived. I understand the restaurant was understaffed that night, but I was hungry and hinted by waving down the waiter every few minutes all the while, my date sat there and did nothing to hurry up our food! Before that, he was very indecisive in what he wanted to eat. He kept changing his order and was very specific in how he wanted his steak done. Maybe that's why our order took longer? I don't know. But I never went out with him after that.

[DN]

Well, you could have called the waiter over and asked where the food is.

 

On the other hand, some people will never complain in a restaurant because there are too many disgusting ways for the staff to get their revenge without you even knowing about it. They just eat, pay amd never go back.

[ghost69]

that sounds like a patient person, not passive. i don't try and hurry waiters. flagging them down to come over and ask about the food over and over takes longer for the food to get there. if it's busy, it's busy. i know when i go out for sushi on a friday or saturday night i try and get there and hour before wanting to eat. it's just the way it is.

[Mavh25]

He may not have been worried about flagging the waiter down cos you guys got more chance to talk..

 

But you may have made it look like you did'nt want much time..

[ghost69]

i thought about this more, i would actually be a bit embarrassed if my date did that. the date is to get to know you more. worrying about the food just shows you weren't that into him or getting to know him.

[Scorpion Fury]

Ghost, Grrr and DN have all made good points so far. Sometimes it takes a while to get your food if it's busy and/or they're understaffed. With all due respect, I'm quite sure everyone else was waiting about as long as you were. Flagging down the waiter and asking that he hurry along your dinner comes accross as princess-y, kinda like you don't feel you have to wait just like everyone else. I would be embarrassed if my date did that, and I would also think twice about eating it. I know many people that have worked in restaurants and have told me the nasty things that go on when a customer is rude.

[ghost69]

It's kinda pointless to complain about bad service at restaurants. They won't hurry it up just because you asked and they might spit in your food. One is kinda trapped there really.

 

sometimes it's not even bad service. as sf pointed out, it can be any combination of anything:

 

-understaffed (waiters and/or cooks)

-peak hours

-holiday mayhem

-the order was different than usually requested

[Puma]

The one quality I would hate to have in a date would be if he were loud and obnoxious. It would remind me too much of an ex who always spoke and laughed loudly in public, which made me embarrassed to even be near him.

 

Another one would be rudeness towards wait staff at a restaurant. I've worked as a waitress for four years, so to see him act like a j@cka** of a customer would be a huge turn-off and a possible deal breaker.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i thought about this more, i would actually be a bit embarrassed if my date did that. the date is to get to know you more. worrying about the food just shows you weren't that into him or getting to know him.

 

I agree. I actually don't mind the food taking time to arrive just so I can sit and talk to my date.

 

I guess a trait I don't like it:

-impatience/aggressiveness. Lol. Kind of opposite.

 

Went on a date (with my now bf), and the guy at the movie theatre was being a bit of an ahole. My date almost got worked up and wanted to react aggressively. And I'm really a mellow person who (CAN get worked up, but) prefers to just enjoy the night and have fun calmly.

(I'm with my guy now since he has really mellowed out alot.)

 

Same happened with another date of mine at the theatre ironicly. He told me the week before he'd gone there and they sold him tickets to an already full movie. He almost faught with them.

Wth.

 

-guys who are big flirts

[dragon lady]

I wouldn't date someone who-

 

*was religious or who had traditional/conservative values.

*had a lots of close female friends

*was unreliable (no canceling unless it's an emergency)

*didn't care about their health

[ghost69]

I agree. I actually don't mind the food taking time to arrive just so I can sit and talk to my date.

 

I guess a trait I don't like it:

-impatience/aggressiveness. Lol. Kind of opposite.

 

Went on a date (with my now bf), and the guy at the movie theatre was being a bit of an ahole. My date almost got worked up and wanted to react aggressively. And I'm really a mellow person who (CAN get worked up, but) prefers to just enjoy the night and have fun calmly.

(I'm with my guy now since he has really mellowed out alot.)

 

Same happened with another date of mine at the theatre ironicly. He told me the week before he'd gone there and they sold him tickets to an already full movie. He almost faught with them.

Wth.

 

-guys who are big flirts

 

depending on what guys said or did to my girl, i'd lash out too. i'm not aggressive, but some people need a beatin every once in a while for their mouths. i intimidate though.

[LightDrawer]

I was not rude toward the waiter or my date in anyway. But I'd like a guy to take a little more initiative if something is not going right. I have never ever waited at a restaurant for an hour for my food - top is maybe 30 minutes. And even for that, the house was full. This guy? He just went on like he's oblivious to things. He wasn't even that talkative.

 

Cancel!

 

Ghost, patience, passive? What is the difference?

[agatha]

(I know you never asked me, but still...)

 

patience to me is being able to choose to wait 1 hour for your food when you know the reason why you are waiting - be it something related to an understaffed place or because your order was way too special.

 

passiveness is sitting down there for an hour and not even trying to know if you'll ever be served. not attractive at all.

 

my date should NOT be:

 

*close minded

*disrespectful

*careless about his health

*self-absorbed

*too strict ("don't eat at the sofa, you'll get it full of crumbs!" come on, what are vacuums made for?)

*unable to accept different points of view without getting defensive

*someone who promises things randomly and sistematically breaks them. it's the only thing I abhor, someone who says 'I'll do this' and when questioned about it will say 'I've NEVER said that!'. I can accept someone who promised something but forgot about it (like, bringing me this cool cd), and when reminded of it will apologize for not doing it. but denying it is just plain sick.

 

too hard to find?

[jonny15]

I wouldn't date someone who uses drugs or is a drunk.

 

Someone who loves to party

 

A religious fundie.

 

A tree hugger.

 

A vegan. Sorry, if cows had brains bigger than mine, they would probably be eating me.

 

 

Someone superficial.

 

Like someone who is always concerned with being trendy and or being into looks and things like that.

 

If a guy needs to have a six-pack and be 6"3 for you not to be ashamed to be caught in public with them, then your not my kinda girl.

[dragon lady]

I wouldn't date someone who uses drugs or is a drunk.

 

Someone who loves to party

 

A religious fundie.

 

A tree hugger.

 

A vegan. Sorry, if cows had brains bigger than mine, they would probably be eating me.

 

 

Someone superficial.

 

Like someone who is always concerned with being trendy and or being into looks and things like that.

 

If a guy needs to have a six-pack and be 6"3 for you not to be ashamed to be caught in public with them, then your not my kinda girl.

 

I guess it was just never meant to be between us Johnny!

[jonny15]

I guess it was just never meant to be between us Johnny!

 

 

Awwwwwwwwwww.....sorry hun.

 

You'll find someone speical.

 

 

Theres someone out there for everyone.

 

lol

[redtan]

If this guy that you went on a date with would come in here and answer this very question...it would be that he cant stand prissy people that are always in a hurry and have to have things their way or nothing else...and noone around them matters when it comes to priorities.

 

Oh and another thing that might bug him is people on a first date being like that...instead of taking the time to talk and get to know eachtother they were more preoccupied with the food and how fast it got there. Almost like that person did not want to stay there any longer and just wanted to leave.

 

I'm pretty sure that all those played in his mind when he most likely decided not to also see you for another date.

[Emily100]

I won't date someone who:

-smoked cigarettes,

-was right wing conservative,

-emtionally imature,

-did not stand up to me,

-always let me have my way,

-no backbone,

-quiet or hard to talk to

-under-educated

[LightDrawer]

If this guy that you went on a date with would come in here and answer this very question...it would be that he cant stand prissy people that are always in a hurry and have to have things their way or nothing else...and noone around them matters when it comes to priorities.

 

Oh and another thing that might bug him is people on a first date being like that...instead of taking the time to talk and get to know eachtother they were more preoccupied with the food and how fast it got there. Almost like that person did not want to stay there any longer and just wanted to leave.

 

I'm pretty sure that all those played in his mind when he most likely decided not to also see you for another date.

 

That's fine by me. I'd like a man to be a little more aggressive. It's probably good that he thought that way. I would have stepped all over him anyway. Can't stand men that are patient or passive, they are indecisive, it's always yes to this, or yes to that. They can never say no to anything. I am a pretty patient person myself, but if I see something bothering my date, I'd ask why and if there is anything I can do to alleviate that problem.

 

That's just me. I don't know about anyone else.

[DN]

There is a difference between aggressive and assertive.

 

There is also a difference between assertive and boorish, between appropriate and inappropriate, between judgment and recklessness, between patient and passive, and between discernment and critical.

[quirky]

yeah, I can't do passive either. I really like a calm and even quiet guy but passive no, it's just too much stress on the woman, I don't feel safe (I've got experience of this)

Also

1)Someone superficial, into showing off, wearing designer clothes e.t.c

2)Someone nervous, agitated, can't do something for too long, is always on the go, on the phone, always out

3)Someone who shows lack of respect to me, staff, values, other people's opinions

[LightDrawer]

There is a difference between aggressive and assertive.

 

There is also a difference between assertive and boorish, between appropriate and inappropriate, between judgment and recklessness, between patient and passive, and between discernment and critical.

 

I understand all the differences. I said I was not rude toward my date or the water. You all based my quick behavior on my waving down the waiter. Do you even know how long I waited before I did that?

 

I don't consider myself a rude person. I am actually quite polite and will tip more than the normal even if I get bad service. What would be rude and impolite is I walk out of the restaurant 45 minutes past into the time of order and leave my date there.

 

Anyway, the gist of my post is not about the waiter or my time in waiting for the order, but about my date not being assertive (I am using the correct term now) enough to tackle the situation. Sure, he may have patience, but even a patient man will know when to take the bull by the horns. He just sat there and did nothing.

[DN]

Anyway, the gist of my post is not about the waiter or my time in waiting for the order, but about my date not being assertive (I am using the correct term now) enough to tackle the situation. Sure, he may have patience, but even a patient man will know when to take the bull by the horns. He just sat there and did nothing.

I think what you are missing is you don't know that he isn't assertive when he feels the need. All you know is that he wasn't being assertive when you wanted him to be - which really says more about you than it does about him.

 

Not only do you expect him to be assertive on your behalf over something that he doesn't seem to care about but you expect him to sense that you do care about it and speak up on your behalf because you are not prepared to be assertive yourself.

[LightDrawer]

I think what you are missing is you don't know that he isn't assertive when he feels the need. All you know is that he wasn't being assertive when you wanted him to be - which really says more about you than it does about him.

 

Not only do you expect him to be assertive on your behalf over something that he doesn't seem to care about but you expect him to sense that you do care about it and speak up on your behalf because you are not prepared to be assertive yourself.

 

OMG! Have you read anything I said? I waved down the waiter because he wasn't going to. I took the initiative to be assertive myself. The fact that you said he doesn't seem to care about me to be assertive on my behalf, that also says a lot about him too. What if we had dinner, stepped outside, and got mugged or held at gun point? What do you think he'll do? Nothing. You don't know me, you don't know him (nor did you have the date with him to know what he's like), I don't think you have the right to judge me.

 

I had a man once that took me to a restaurant to eat too. The waiter forgot to come back and refill our drinks. My date politely asked the next waiter that came by our table that our drinks needed refills. Something like this is not hard to do. I'd do it if I was aware of it. Or maybe the guy this thread is dedicated to just doesn't seem to care about me to be assertive on my behalf like you said. And if that is the case, I certainly don't need a man like that around.

[JusticeLaw9]

Personally, I think you weren't interested from the beginning and just using those references as an excuse to not see him anymore. How many of us go to a restaurant and know exactly what we want? Hardly ever! Sometimes there's new stuff on the menu, sometimes you feel like seafood or a classic burger and sometimes you don't.

 

What could he have done to make the food be delivered any faster? Nothing. That is solely up to the people back in the kitchen and has nothing to do with him being passive at all. It is not his job to put on a front for you by making an A of himself and chewing out the waiter. You know better than that...

 

I don't think you really gave the guy a fair chance and it's kind of odd that you would label a situation like that as a guy being passive. What does that really say about your judgment and if you really have the ability to spot a good man when you see one? Maybe you should think about that...