Wanting to help but I don't know how

[CountryFlower]

Well my boyfriend that I met online 1 1/2 years ago is having to deal with alot of things I've done to hurt him. I've never meant to do anything to hurt him but I always manage to somehow no matter what. I'll have to start from the beginning for everyone to know everything that's going on.

 

When we met he fell for me just about instantly, something about me was different with my personality to him. He ended up coming to love me with me having no clue to it, but I also had feelings for him as well. We were both too shy to say a word about it, but everyone who met us always asked if we were a couple. Well I did stupid things even then that hurt him and I had no clue at all, I would disapear into another room with a friend and end up helping them with something or messing around with them. That started it, he began to feel neglected and depression sink in. He then started to cut. We finally got together and he says those were the best moments in his life, we got together in October and around June I had found he had been cybering with another girl. This will probably sound weak, but his excuse was that she threatened him that she would make his computer crash if he didn't do what she wanted. So he wen't along with it so he didn't lose his computer which would mean losing me. He cut himself more after I told him I found out and it messed him up. We started having some hard times with a lot of fighting and I felt like he was being distant. I went to one of my close male friends online for comfort. Unfortunately he had a crush on me I didn't know of at the moment and he had always had a thing for people's necks. My boyfriend found out he had been biting on my neck for some time and found it as cheating. I did know in the back of my mind somewhere that it would hurt him if he ever found out. My boyfriend had hated him before just because I had been spending so much time with him and staying up late talking with him. Nothing ever really hapened besides him biting my neck and playing with it. Me staying up with my friend caused my boyfriend to feel neglected more, causing more depression and it was very random then. I never knew what was wrong, he isn't one to really show his emotions or say what's wrong. He began to grow cold after he found my friend was biting and sucking on my neck. It was just something he had always done, and he did it to everyone. It was normal to me. But my boyfriend became angry and upset at me saying it was cheating. Which looking back now I do agree it was stupid to let him do that with me knowing in the back of my mind it was wrong, it would hurt him. He became cold and untrusting towards me. I then would lie about if I was talking to someone or not to try to protect his feelings. He would become depressed anytime I talked to anyone else, so I tried to keep that from happening. He caught me on myspace though after telling him I wasn't on. He really lost it then, I had hurt him so much and now this. He became colder, less trusting than before, and unforgiving. My words became hollow to him and meaningless. He caught me lieing three times, the third was the last and final blow. It struck him hard and be became like that. He is still with me unbelievably, he really loves me and doesn't want to leave me but I'm on my very last chance, if I do anything to break his heart any he's gone. He'll just sign off and never come back without a single word.

 

I really do want to help him, I've truly learned finally. I don't know why it took me so long. I was just so stupid and blind, I want to gain his trust back, be forgiven, and for him to become warm and happy again. He's always haunted by everything, constantly on the edge. He's hidden back into his shell so he isn't hurt again easily. All I want is for him to be happy again, but I have no clue how I'm supposed to help him. He doesn't even know how or what will help him. He thinks most likely he'll be like this for the rest of his life. It really traumatized him. I love him so very much, he's gone through so much but still stayed, I only want him to be happy and I'll do anything for that happiness to be back in him.

[Xylitol]

Well if the relationship is on its very last legs then if i were you i would show my dedication towards him, i don't know how old you are but maby if you would bring him a promise or engagement ring that would promise with you to marry him one day would show your dedication towards him. I think that would be an important sign of that your loyalty lies really towards him. You better be carefull not to mess up again.

[CountryFlower]

He actually proposed before in october but cancelled it after so much, he's waiting till we're completely ready and when he can trust me again if he does. He got alittle too eager and proposed before we were ready for everything. I'm just trying to gain back his trust and for him to hopefully forgive me. I've given up talking to several people he doesn't like me talking to because they've had a reputation of flirting with me before. I'm putting all my attention towards him so he doesn't feel ignored. Hopefully at the end of the smmer he'll trust me some more again. He's worried about me staying home all the time alone now since my work is over till the school year starts back, but he's still working. So he's afraid I'll do something while he's gone at work. Making it through the summer alone without doing anything to hurt him might gain some trust back, show him I can be trusted alone again.