16/31 help?

[omfgzwhat]

Okay, so basically I just want to point out that I KNOW this is wrong and I don't really have any plans of doing anything with this guy.

I'm sixteen. He just turned thirty-one.

 

I know that in reason this would never work out, even if I was legal, but the thing is... I really like this guy.

 

And apparently he likes me, too.

 

 

 

 

 

Now before someone says, "but he's thirty-one, he knows better, if he makes a move then he is a pervert."

 

First off I've known this guy for about 3 years. He's my brothers best friend. I told my brother one night that I had a dream about him and my brother thought it was cute.

 

Well, the sad part is, my brother initiates it. He thinks it's totally fine if I hook up with this guy and I know that it's NOT.

 

He's old enough to be my dad, he has a fiancee. And I don't mind that he flirts with me, its actually cute.

 

This guy has been with me through a really bad relationship and pretty much helped me pull myself back together. So I know that he flirts because he knows that for a sixteen year old I'm a little too far past my whole sexual maturity, erm, thing? I don't know. I guess he doesn't actually think anything is going to happen. And the horrible part is, if something did happen, it would be okay with me.

 

I know he can get arrested for this, I know that I would be in tons of trouble over it and I know that it is flat out illegal.

 

But I just, ugh, is there anyone out there that thinks this is normal? He's never actually flat out came on to me, it was just cute little "I think its cute you dream about me, you're a cutie, I like you," kinda stuff. But it's the way he says it. I don't even think this guy would actually sleep with me if I tried.

And I'm not going to.

 

I just wanna know what to do and how to get over this.

Because it's literally driving me crazy, I think about him all the time! And it's so wrong! And would it be okay if I decided to go for this when I turn 18? Only a year and a half! Or is that still going to be too weird?

 

I just don't want this guy to get hurt or be arrested; I'm not like that. I would totally deny anything had ever happened.

I also can't stand the thoughts of his fiancee getting hurt. I'm not like most girls, I don't like stealing guys from women, or being the one they cheat on their wives with. It's wrong and I know how bad it hurts.

Help.

[avman]

Is it normal for you to crush on an older guy - yes of course it is. He pays attention to you, treats you well, and makes you feel good. So I can understand why you'd really like him.

 

Now I don't think he should be leading you on like that. At 16 you are just too young for him at the moment. And he is engaged, so he's not exactly behaving in a way that is admirable. You should consider that when you think about him. If he was engaged to you would you want him flirting with another 16 year old?

 

If when you are 18 he's single and not engaged, well then you can give a relationship a try. Its a big age gap considering how young you are. So the chances are it wouldn't work very well. But some people do make it work.

[omfgzwhat]

Eeh, I guess I should've mentioned that I'm sixteen but not the typical "omigosh, I have to have a boyfriend."

 

I actually have no use for relationships except for physically. =/

 

I understand exactly what you're saying- the reason it didnt work out with my ex was because he cheated on his ex with me. So I knew it was going on.

 

 

How far do you think I should let this go?

I mean would he get arrested for kissing me?

Because I *really* wanna kiss him haha.

[avman]

How far do you think I should let this go?

I mean would he get arrested for kissing me?

Because I *really* wanna kiss him haha.

 

I do not think you should let it go far at all. Why are you pressing to kiss him when he's engaged to someone else?

 

His age aside, what you really need to focus on is that he's taken.

[erase this face]

How far do you think I should let this go?

I mean would he get arrested for kissing me?

Because I *really* wanna kiss him haha.

 

You just said this:

 

I also can't stand the thoughts of his fiancee getting hurt. I'm not like most girls, I don't like stealing guys from women, or being the one they cheat on their wives with. It's wrong and I know how bad it hurts.

Help.

 

If you're a decent human being you won't take it anywhere.

[Capricorn3]

This is so wrong in so many ways it's just not funny.

 

You said several times you KNOW it's wrong, yet you still seem set on pursuing it. DON'T.

 

Yes, HE is certainly wrong in all of this too. At his age he should know better than to get involved with a 16 year old. Hopefully, common sense will kick in and he'll turn on his heels and run from this.

Secondly, he's engaged. That alone should be enough for BOTH of you to stop this. He's the adult here, so he should do the right thing.

 

Last but not least. YES, he could get into a lot of trouble and he could get arrested if he's caught messing with you. I know if any 31 year old guy ever messed with my 16 year old daughter I'd report him to the authorities.

 

Stay away from him. He's taken and he's not yours to have. Look for someone your own age who is single.

[omfgzwhat]

I know, I know.

 

At least I care about it. Unlike some girls who do it just for the hell of it.

 

If it's any consolation he's throwing her out tomorrow. =/

 

And no, I didn't cause it, but my brother just texted me and told me they were loading her crap up.

[avman]

If it's any consolation he's throwing her out tomorrow. =/

 

I find that very hard to believe.

[omfgzwhat]

Er, well, when we went to pick him up today she was throwing all his games at him and yelling, but we just walked out.

 

 

Regardless, no. I'm not really going to do anything with him.

You're all right - it's wrong and he's an adult.

 

I just err, really like thinking about it.

[Capricorn3]

At least I care about it.

If you really cared about any of this, then you wouldn't have posted about how much you want kiss him and ask "How far do you think I should let this go?". Clearly, there is intent on your part and that shows that you do not really care about the consequences for all involved.

[omfgzwhat]

I do care about his fiancee, she's nice (to me anyway)

And I do care about him and if he goes to jail. I don't want to ruin anyones life.

 

Okay, so yes, I'm extremely crushing on this guy but I actually think if he did make a move on me it would piss me off that he would be willing to knowing that I'm underage.

 

So yes, I think about him a lot, kissing him, all that, but I really can't help that part.

 

I mean is flirting really cheating? And is flirting that bad? Or do I really need to just cut all contact off with this guy?

 

 

I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I really didn't mean to.

 

I do know that its wrong and I guess I just wanted to hear it from someone really... my brother seems to think it's alright when I tell him I know it isnt, and well my mom would have a heartattack.

[butterfly07]

I agree with what everyone said here. I know its probably somewhat of an infatuation because he's an older man paying attention to you but he should really know better than to even flirt with you and say those things; especially considering how he's got a fiancee. Don't be the girl that you wrote about, the one that hurts the fiancee so bad and the one who he cheats on his wife with because it won't be a pretty picture. If he's single when your 18 and you still feel this way, that is a little different. As of right now, I think its really best if you find someone around your age range, or at least a couple years older.

[Capricorn3]

And is flirting that bad? .

Flirting is bad when you are encouraging a situation, which you know is wrong. Your flirting CAN escalate and get out of control and lead to things which you could have prevented from happening in the first place, had you just stayed away from the situation altogether.

 

Leave it well alone. HE should too. He's no better.

 

I can understand why your mother would have a heart attack.

[addictedblue]

Well, I have a different take on this situation because I can somewhat relate. Not about the age thing, but just messing around with someone who you shouldn't be messing around with. If he's actually single now, I say go for it. I'll probably get attacked by other posters for saying this, but this age difference - 15 years - is a lot but it can work out. If you initiate it and have no intention of getting him into trouble then why not? I mean since you like him so much and dream of him all the time, there's a huge risk of ending up hurt. But in reality whenever we choose to date or be in a relationship with anyone, and if it doesn't end in marriage which it usually doesn't, you end up hurt anyway, it's going through the motions of dating and relationships. You can't just let life pass you by because of fear. And okay you're 16 and 31; the only reason you're freaking out about it is because of our society. In other cultures 12 year olds are arranged to marry 45 year old men.

 

So...kiss him.

 

Like I said I'll probably get attacked for saying this, but I'm just being honest. Because of the situation I'm currently in, my mentality has changed to that of a logical safe person to a risk-taking impulsive person, and I'm having fun. Feel free to PM me if you want.

[erase this face]

^ It doesn't have much to do with society, it's a maturity and experience thing. A 31 year old's brain is fully developed, a 16 year old's isn't. He has had more experience with relationships and life as a whole. You're just spreading naivety by suggesting there's even a chance. You're also inciting a lot of trouble for her, him, and possibly his fiance by suggesting she kiss him. Good job at promoting irresponsible behavior.

[waveseer]

When I was your age and a man that age paid extra attention to me or one of my friends it made us wonder why he couldn't find a woman closer to his own age. We intuitively understood that grown men who seek the attentions of underage women were at best a bit off and at worst true weirdos. It's totally okay for you to have a crush on him, but it's totally not okay for him to make any sort of advances in your direction whatsoever. If he did that he'd be, shall we say, hanging around the schoolyard at recess.

[omfgzwhat]

I guess this was pointless.

 

His fiancee found a text he had sent me and apparently he's not allowed to come anywhere near me again.

 

Whatever, her problem.

 

She's mad at me and I never said anything to him close to what he said to me.

[avman]

I guess this was pointless.

 

His fiancee found a text he had sent me and apparently he's not allowed to come anywhere near me again.

 

Whatever, her problem.

 

She's mad at me and I never said anything to him close to what he said to me.

 

 

Well I tried to warn you.

[EQD]

So despite knowing how bad it hurts to be cheated on you are aiming to be 'the other woman' twice now.. i'm sure i read that right...

but that doesnt make alot of sense.

you seem just really horny and unsure of yourself.. which is why you might be seeking out that 'special' feeling you get from having sex and fooling around with guys who are already taken.

 

i'd suggest the one thing you arent going to do: stop flirting with this guy and find someone who will want to be with you in a way other than specifically sexual.

[EQD]

one more thing to think about:

 

if you didnt hear that from the fiance herself then beware of him possibly demonizing his fiance in order to make you feel like you would be doing him a favor or 'saving him from the witch' if you decided to do anything further with him.

 

men who want to cheat on their spouses sometimes make up stories about how mean or bad their gf/fiance/wife is to them, or make up things about how they are talking bad about you.

its a pretty effective ploy to get their sexual interest to take the next step with them and not feel bad about it.

[Miss Firecracker]

You're expected to fall for him, it's easy for a man his age to seduce a young girl. Like taking candy from a baby, as they say.

 

His fiance must be a desperate woman, staying with him knowing what a sick person he is.

[Chop17]

There is nothing wrong with the age gap. You're 16, it's perfectly legal for you to get into a relationship with him, if thats what you decide to do. There is no issue with anyone you date or get into a relationship with from now on.

[RedonontheWall]

I'm only saying this for own good and safety, not to sound like a naggy mother hen, but stay away from a guy that age who is flirting with a 16 year old. Shame on him. I don't like that at all and if I was your older sibling I most definitely would strongly discourage it. Stick with dudes closer to your age who treat you with respect, or better yet make the most of your teenage years by getting to know yourself as much as you can before work and college take up a lot of your time by cultivating interests and hobbies that you are passionate about. If I could be 16, 17 years old again I would have spent more time at the piano and volunteering than wasting my time thinking about some guy. Okay, sorry, I know I'm getting preachy, but its well-intentioned.

[Miss Firecracker]

I guess this was pointless.

 

His fiancee found a text he had sent me and apparently he's not allowed to come anywhere near me again.

 

Whatever, her problem.

 

She's mad at me and I never said anything to him close to what he said to me.

 

 

I can't help wonder what sort of thing he said to you. It must have been very inappropriate.

[Lights]

Made me wonder as well. I agree, it had to have been pretty suggestive of something flirty/sexual/romantic for her to get up in arms about it.