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I Honestly Don’t Feel That I Have Time For a Relationship


Virgil

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I know everybody says that ‘you always have time for a relationship if you want it’, but I am in my final year of high school and my priority at the moment is getting the result I need to go to a fairly prestigious university next year. So stress is pretty high and time for non-academic activities is pretty rare. Nonetheless, Murphy’s Law says that I start picking up some signs of interest from a girl I have known for a while. She is very intelligent, has a great personality and up until now I never considered that she might be interested in me.

 

So anyway, my conundrum is this. I don’t feel I have the time I would like to allocate to getting to know her and/or perhaps starting a relationship. I also know that very few high school relationships work going into uni, and the last thing I need now is romantic stress. But I understand that she is not going to hang around forever, and I don’t want to pass up an amazing opportunity if there is a chance that it could work. I am cursing fate at the moment, because I would have much preferred if this was happening at end of the year rather than now (when I would have a long holiday to dedicate to getting to know her). I don’t want to choose between head and heart, but the battle lines are drawn and I think it is going to be a messy internal conflict.

 

Of course, she may not actually like me…which would make life really awkward at a time when I don’t need it to be any more difficult.

 

Thoughts? I don’t think cryogenically freezing her is a viable option, but I am open to suggestions if anyone has some liquid nitrogen lying around…

 

Virgil

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You know what? Unless you feel very strongly about her, I would say, focus on school. Judging by your post, it doesn't sound like you feel very strongly about her at all, but that you feel flattered by her attention.

 

That's probably because the logical side of me wrote the post - not the romantic side! Stupid teenage hormones mean I feel like I have fallen for her pretty heavily, but fundamentally I think I agree with both of you that there is time for relationships later.

 

I guess the logical choice has to win. As much as it might upset my closet romantic side - I have any number of chances at relationships and only one real chance at schooling.

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That's probably because the logical side of me wrote the post - not the romantic side! Stupid teenage hormones mean I feel like I have fallen for her pretty heavily, but fundamentally I think I agree with both of you that there is time for relationships later.

 

I guess the logical choice has to win. As much as it might upset my closet romantic side - I have any number of chances at relationships and only one real chance at schooling.

 

I would have to ask what your heart says then. Put the logical side aside for a minute, and see what your emotions are saying. Without more information, it is difficult to help you with this. Sorry.

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I would have to ask what your heart says then. Put the logical side aside for a minute, and see what your emotions are saying. Without more information, it is difficult to help you with this. Sorry.

 

Quite the contrary - you have been very helpful. The heart (well, more correctly hormones) falls head-over-heels and gets carried away with itself - but I don't genuinely feel anything more for this girl than I have for other crushes before and will undoubtedly feel for other girls in the future.

 

I guess all I needed was confirmation of what I already know; that schooling is more important at this point. I just needed someone more experienced than me to tell me that I was doing the right thing in putting the heart aside for the moment.

 

Who knows, if it is meant to be than it will be. I think she is probably going to the same university I want to attend anyway, so there might even be options with her in the future. And if not, there are other fish in the sea.

 

The bottom line is that I might get another chance with her, and will certainly get another chance with relationships. The same does not apply to school.

 

Thanks,

Virgil

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There's always time during college, or after college. I'm not even there yet though so I can't speak from personal experience.

 

I was about to suggest talking to her and explaining you have no time for a relationship, but there isn't much point in that I guess. Dating in high school... I never actually dated during HS, but from what I could tell watching my friends and my brother deal with them, the majority of relationships weren't worth it. They had to deal w/ their girlfriends cheating or making all this drama. One friend had a history of dealing with GF's who used him in an emotional sense. Anyway, you might be better off just focusing on school. Just don't pass on good opportunities when you do get to college.

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