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His Ex is driving me nuts....


CanadianGirl

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So, here's a long story. I don't know what to do!

 

First off, let me explain: My fiance and I have been together almost 2 years, we have each a child from previous relations and one daughter together. My daughter is 11, his is 9 and ours is 8 months. Things are awsome, we are in love, and through so many ups and downs in our 2 years together - we are still solid......the only problem now is his EX.

 

Back Story:

 

Him and his ex were together from the time they were 16 - 24 and only really stayed together for their daughter. They would break up and get back together on and off for those 7 years....broke up 2 months before I met him and she had been trying ever since to get him back, even though she is the one who left. When she finally got the point, that it was over, she told him to take the kid (thinking he couldn't do it by himself).......so he left with his daughter and stayed at his dads until we found a place to move in together.

 

in the 2 years we have been together, she has called her daughter 3 times, visited 2 times and has only called to talk to him....she will talk to her daughter for 2 minutes and ask to talk to her dad.....

 

She constantly tells him she loves him, and he constantly tells her that he doesn't love her, that he loves me and it's been over between them for so long - and that he is marrying me and we aren't going to break up.

 

She doesn't get it!

 

She constantly wants to play mind games with him and me. She constantly calls his cell phone and leaves messages even though she knows our # and if she wants to talk to her daughter, she can call anytime. I have even gone as far as to bring his daughter to visit her mom TWICE. I gave her a phone card to call (she lives 3 hours away)....I have done everything to try and encourage her relationship with her daughter, but she doesn't get it.

 

She keeps thinking that the only way she can have a relationship with her daughter is to be with him (ps: she never had a job, never worked for anything, he always provided for them, but had to work out of town to make the money it took to feed/clothe/house them all --- then he found out she wasn't even bringing her to school (Which was accross the street from their house) and that she was feeding her daughter junk food from 7-11 because she refused to cook for the child.

 

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In my mind, she neglected this girl --- she was over weight when she moved in with us. She would NOT PLAY with other kids, wouldn't go outside on a nice sunny day --HAD NEVER BEEN TO A PARK, SWIMMING POOL, ETC. Basically, she just made the kid sit in her room and watch TV. The kid even told me that she would watch from her window as a little girl from next door played outside, and mom would never let her go out. She also stuttered so badly that you couldn't understand a word. We found out that his daughter had an assessment of her speech problems in grade 1 and her mother refused treatment - and didn't tell him that she did any of those things!! Anyways...she was an unfit mother, and this child has grown so beautifully since being with all of us. She lost wieght simply by eating balanced meals and going and playing...she made friends and is excelling at school .... oh, and the stuttering has almost completely stopped -- the last time she stuttered was when she spoke to her mother.

 

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Anyways......she has always been annoying, but it got worse at Christmas. On Christmas Eve, as we were getting ready for dinner, she called and left a message for him saying: " I just had to call to let you know that Alexia may not be yours " and some other explanations. NOW LET ME SAY, HIS DAUGHTER LOOKS MORE LIKE HIM THAN ANYONE...SHE IS AN EXACT REPLICA OF HIM IN FEMALE FORM. This was just stupid, and all she wanted to do was ruin our Christmas at any cost. I told her that she is NEVER GOING TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN....EVER! (and I meant it).

 

I did call her back and I told her that Im not telling him that because it's bulls**t... she said " you have to tell him, because that's not his kid " I said I didn't have to do anything of the sort, and that she's a liar. Then she called and asked for her daughter, to which I said "no" because she was just going to pull in the little girl and tell her this crap (that's how low she is). He was more than glad to never have to talk to her again because it's always something stupid, and she constantly wants to fight. So, I just let the answering machine get all her calls.

 

She called constantly for 20 minutes, every minute and filled our answering machine up. She left messages saying that he's not the dad, and all that crap, then she left a message saying she was going to come to our city and kill me, and then she said that she hopes our baby dies of S.I.D.S.

 

------Fast forward 2 months. She calls his cell phone on Valentines Day of all days....and I answered her "private call" and told her that I meant what I said and that she is never talking to him again, and to stop calling his cell. I told her that she has our phone number, and if she wants to talk to her daughter, she could call her there.

 

-----Fast forward another month from there. She calls HIS CELL again and leaves a message that she didn't mean what she said at christmas, that she was "sorry" and that she appreciates me raising her daughter, bla, bla bla (She was basically sucking up to me, cause she thinks it's ME who is stopping him from speaking to her, when in fact he won't answer the phone or respond in any way to her - figuring ignoring it will be enough).

 

-----Fast forward another month from there. She calls his cell phone again, and leaves the message at 4:30 am that she loves him and misses him, bla bla bla....he gets so creeped out by her, because she is constantly trying to do this even though he hasn't spoken to her in 9 months, and the only reason he did it then was because I wanted him to tell her off, which he did.

 

 

Now she calls our house DURING THE DAY and asks for her daughter (2 weeks after Easter). I told her "Jodie, you know she's at schoool, so why call now, why not after 3?" she says "isn't it easter break?" I told her that their break was 2 weeks ago, and she asked why Dave hadn't called her....I told her that he doesn't want to, and is never going to call her ever again....and that she creeped him out by calling him and telling his answering machine that she loves him and that he isn't going to talk to her....but she can call her daughter whenever she is home....so she said:

 

HER: " so - as long as your with him I can only talk to you or Alexia "?

ME: " no, only until YOU GET OVER HIM "

HER: " im never going to get over him "

ME: " then your never going to talk to him - why can't you get over it, he doesn't want you in his life"

HER: " you don't know that "

ME: "yes, I do. I listen in on every phone call you've had with him and he keeps telling you he doesn't love you"

HER: " no you havn't, and he never said that "

 

HER: " F-U, that's not your house "

ME: " you have no idea what your talking about, Im the one who has been paying rent and bills here - your damn right it's my house "

HER: " why is all my furniture there then?"

ME: " your furniture? from what job? it's his, and we both have our furniture, because it's OUR HOUSE".

 

So, I took the phone to him - and asked if he could take a call from her .... (he was in the shower) but I held the phone up and he said "no, I don't want to talk to her, just hang up on her"...

 

Me: " Did you hear that?"

her: " just to let you know, he only talks to you like that, and by the way, he's just waiting for me to get better and then he'll leave you".

 

So I went back to give him the phone and told him what she said while she was on the line listening.... so I said " here, the phone" he took it from me, and said "she's on the phone" (in the reciever so she could hear). The he hung it up. She never called back.

 

 

_--------NOW ------

 

 

She is calling his family telling them crap about her life, and his sister feels the need to "warn" us that she is coming to town to have an "abortion" (another lie, I'm sure) as there is a city 20 mins from where she is, yet she wants to travel 3 hours to our city? I'm so sure.

 

Today, she wrote him a letter and sent it to his dad's house. His sister called to tell us it was there.

 

Needless to say, I blew up. I got mad at him, and I called his sister to tell her to stop relaying messages, to tell jodie that she isn't getting in the middle of this * * * * . she said she only called to warn us, so I appologized because I thought she was playing messanger.

 

He called and told her to throw the letter out.

 

But I still feel bad. I don't know what to believe. I am getting depressed over this and I hate that.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions: and do you think he SHOULD talk to her and tell her over and over that he doesn't want her, that she should think of her kid? Am I over reacting?

HELP!

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this lady sounds crazy, i think she needs some serious help. I know this woman is a constant nuisance in you and your fiance's life, but other than a restraining order, i don't see how she would go away. your fiance has made it clear over many times he's not interested in her due to the fact she doesn't seem stable mentally, physically, or financially. It seems that constatly neglects her child which is soo awful to even hear about.

 

If you think it would drive the message home for him to have a conversation with her to straighten her out, then go ahead. I don't think that would work, because after all this time she'll still relentlessly trying to find a way back into his life. If not, then she needs to see a therapist or someone, this doesn;t sound normal.

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She most definitely is NOT normal. She has been on and off a slough of anti-anxiety/depression pills, etc. She has done all kinds of crazy things when they were together, such as:

 

- pouring salt all over the house (I mean enough salt to look like a beach), because she was "warding off evil".

 

- writing 'jesus loves me' in red lipstick (that she bought specifically for that) all over the walls

 

- buying $400 worth of candles instead of food so she could keep the "ghosts' out"

 

She has been "getting help" for 6 years. She would call sometimes and say she is getting help psychologically and is "better" but it's just a lie because she thinks that once she is "better" he's going to take her back. She is unstable and had nothing to do with her daughter because she only wants him. I think the only reason she had the kid was to keep him - which didn't work.

 

That's the saddest part. Their daughter together - well, not really, because she is so happy now, so settled.....but it's sad that her stupid mother won't be part of it.

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First, let me say that I am terribly sorry for what you are going through. This lady is bonkers, that's for sure! I would seriously call the police to demand a restraining order on her. She is a dangerous woman. Ever seen the movie "Fatal Attraction"? If not, watch it- Your life could end up like that if you don't do something about it.

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it sounds like you're just tired of being the better person all the time. it won't be easy, but you need to keep your cool so the ex doesn't bring out the worst in you. i would definitely suggest some type of restraining order.

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He needs to set her straight, and put an end to her contacting him, and disrupting both of your lives. This is not your job, it's his. Why hasn't he changed his cell number, and told her she can only call the house phone, and only if it's a dire emergency concerning the child?

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it sounds like you're just tired of being the better person all the time. it won't be easy, but you need to keep your cool so the ex doesn't bring out the worst in you. i would definitely suggest some type of restraining order.

 

If you've kept the messages, of her saying she'll kill you. That the babies his, that its not his. That she wants him back etc. And make a log of all the times she calls.

 

Keep the letter. Then go to the police.

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Thank you all. I do think that I am tired of trying to be the better person, and it's wearing me out. Along with the fact that we are raising my daughter, his daughter, and our daughter.......we really don't need her.

 

Update:

 

He told his sister to throw out the letter. That was that. Now she called his cell phone and left a message asking him to come drive 3 hours to pick her and another homeless girl up and drive them to OUR city to a homeless shelter. She said "you told me you'd come and get me in the spring" and left a number to reach her by leaving a message at the homeless shelter she's in.

 

I listened in on his last conversation with her 8 months ago (the one I made him have, so he could tell her he doesn't love her, and that she needs to be more involved with calling her CHILD, instead of him)......anyways.......what he said was " it's winter you better find somewhere to stay until the spring " what he meant by "till the spring" was that by then she won't die of freezing....NOT that he'd go get her.....but she twists everything!

 

Needless to say - he changed his cell number so she will never get to call there again.......if she calls here, I talk to her, or she talks to her kid that's it....

 

What is your take? what more can someone do?

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you need to get a phone recording device, they have them and they work fairly well. This will allow you to have proof of any threatening calls she may make and you can use it to get a restraining order put on her. She is unhealthy for your children (particularly her child that you are raising). Things will only get worse unless you take action.

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These threatening phone messages are saved. His sister also DID NOT throw the letter out.....so we have it, we read it and:

 

My conclusion is that she is a complete liar, fake and she isn't even as mentally unstable as she pretends to be. She wrote a bunch of craziness and claimed to have miscarried 4 other babies before she met him and had their kid at 17....and she is claiming that she is pregnant now (she told his sister she got raped and she has to come and get an abortion here - but in the letter she said "someones got to drop da baby bomb .. Im pregnant

 

She continually says in the letter that she doesn't want to talk to him and if he asks, she won't tell him anything...meanwhile he hasn't said boo to her in 8 months.

 

She goes on to say she loves everyone in the world, as much as her kid.....I don't see that as ok --> I love my kids (including hers) MORE than anyone else in the world ... so I just don't understand.

 

After reading the letter, I feel better because I know she's just a fraud and I'm keeping all of these as evidence against her if she tries to take us back to court (we have FULL parental custody)....otherwise, she's stuck at a homeless shelter 3 hours away so it's unlikely she will do too much from there.

 

Anyways....thanks enotalone readers! I feel 100% better

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