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This feeling makes me want to break up.


tekimega

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My girlfriend tells me that she is not over her first boyfriend, a relationship that lasted 3 years. She tells me he did all these awful things to her, like hit her, curse her out, sabotage her life, and coerce her into doing things she didn't want to do. At the same time she says she can never love someone like that ever again.

 

I have a hard time wanting to love someone who isn't willing to love me the most in their life.

 

Am I wrong in beleiving that I should be the best for someone if I am to stay with them?

 

I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love me as much as she loved someone else.

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If my boyfriend told me he felt that way about his ex, I would leave him in a heartbeat.

 

What's the point of continuing the relationship if she's that sure she can't reciprocate those feelings? Not to mention, it's not fair of her to stay with you while you love her if she's still in love with someone else.

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My girlfriend tells me that she is not over her first boyfriend, a relationship that lasted 3 years. She tells me he did all these awful things to her, like hit her, curse her out, sabotage her life, and coerce her into doing things she didn't want to do. At the same time she says she can never love someone like that ever again.

 

I have a hard time wanting to love someone who isn't willing to love me the most in their life.

 

Am I wrong in beleiving that I should be the best for someone if I am to stay with them?

 

I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love me as much as she loved someone else.

 

She is not free to experience real love. What she describes there is not real love. If she never opens her eyes she is right, she will never love again.

 

You do not have to settle for this.

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My girlfriend tells me that she is not over her first boyfriend, a relationship that lasted 3 years. She tells me he did all these awful things to her, like hit her, curse her out, sabotage her life, and coerce her into doing things she didn't want to do. At the same time she says she can never love someone like that ever again.

 

I have a hard time wanting to love someone who isn't willing to love me the most in their life.

 

Am I wrong in beleiving that I should be the best for someone if I am to stay with them?

 

I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love me as much as she loved someone else.

 

Are you sure you are not interpreting this wrong from her? How you wrote it, I read that she can't love someone like her ex ever again because what she went through. I didn't read it as she is not over him and will not love anyone as much as she loved him.

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She keeps photo albums of when they were together and wears the jewelery that he gave her.

 

She really said that, "It was my first love, and it will never be like that again."

 

She says she loved him and put her all into that relationship. I understand that, but to say she can't love me the same, that hurts.

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It sounds like she needs counseling to realize and truly understand that saying that she will never love anyone as much as him shows a very unhealthy mindset. The guy sounds very abusive and she sounds like she has not taken the time to heal from that and understand that she will love again, and certainly will love more truly and deeply than how she felt for a man who hurt her physically. I think she needs to go on her own journey of healing before she can be in the right mental and emotional state to be in a relationship. I think you should let her go.

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Everyone is posing some really valid points here. look, i'm someone who has been in an abusive relationship too and gone straight into another relationship with a guy that wants to marry me and frankly... i have put him through hell.

 

point is... we get broken, not right in the head, we learn bad habits and until we've healed properly - we're damaged goods & will say & do some pretty strange (even hurtful) things to any guy who crosses our paths until we're normal again. u have to decide whether ur willing to put up with her crazy path back to what real love is and be patient - even forgiving or are u going to get on the rollercoaster ride urself and pick up equally bad habits from her.

 

dont worry about the jewellery and pics, dosnt mean anything... its a part of her life that was there and its all just tangible evidence, whats the difference between that and presents/pics from friends and family? i got rid of everything from my abusive ex but only because i was at a point of hating him. things is, that kind of love is sick and if she had left it long enough she would despise him too, takes years to get over a relationship like that sometimes, a friend of mine has only just gotten back to normal and said all the things ur girlfriend does. problem is she shouldnt have said them to YOU of all ppl, thats the sort of thing u confide in ur friends until those feelings are gone and can be forgotten.

 

i'm sure she's over him... just the damage is still there, its really up to u to decide what u can handle, how u really think u should be loved etc. look i'd be telling my fiance to walk away from me too but i guess the question remains as to whether a woman who has been in an abusive relationship will ever be the same again or accept/recognise proper love when its staring her in the face. thats my problem now too and i dont know what to say to u!

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