Did you ever loose attraction to your BF?

[keith515]

This is a common thread:

"My GF doesn't want to have sex anymore. We started off having sex a lot but now it's very rare. When I try to make a move she turn me away or says she isn't horny or is tired or etc. We get along great but I don't know what else I can do?"

 

The response are usually maybe she's stressed, maybe you should try seducing her, maybe you should try to open to her, and numerous other options. But most of the time, the OP says he does all that has just given up because he always gets rejected.

 

My question is this:

For the GF's that have been in the situation above, did you know why you didn't want to have sex but just didn't want to admit it? Or you didn't know at the time but now realize what it was.

 

My theory is the GF just loses attraction to the BF but doesn't want to admit it to herself or the BF. Once she started dated someone else her sexual drive came back.

 

My solution for the BF would generally be to break up unless there is legitimate bona fide reason the GF doesn't want to have sex such as a significant change in their life.

[karvala]

I'm not sure if you want answers the other way around, but if you do, I have one personal example of that. I lost my attraction to a long-term ex-gf after a period of time, but remained together for a couple of years afterwards.

 

Why did I do it? Because she was my best friend and ideal companion. I loved her in every sense except a romantic and sexual one, and I didn't want to lose that. Was it selfish of me? Hell, yes. It's not something I'm at all proud of.

 

Unfortunately, I think you're right, it happens rather a lot, and very rarely will the person who has lost the attraction for their partner actually admit to it, and risk losing what's left. It's a terrible thing to do to someone, though.

[Catdancer]

I lost attraction for my ex. I stayed with him for a couple of months longer, until I just couldnt do it anymore. Physically, he just got unattractive to me.

 

In this relationship, I havent lost ANY attraction and he still makes me incrdibly horny. BUT we are still having sex less. This is because we moved in together, we had a baby and we have other things going on that take up our time. We still have sex as much as we can, but it has decreased. We often talk about how we used to hump each other all the time, sometimes 8 or 9 times A DAY!! I think back on it with incredibly fond memories. We promised ourselves that in September we are taking a vacation, just the two of us and we plan to drink lots of alcohol and screw like bunnies once again!!! lol

[Case_1983]

I'm not sure if you want answers the other way around, but if you do, I have one personal example of that. I lost my attraction to a long-term ex-gf after a period of time, but remained together for a couple of years afterwards.

 

Why did I do it? Because she was my best friend and ideal companion. I loved her in every sense except a romantic and sexual one, and I didn't want to lose that. Was it selfish of me? Hell, yes. It's not something I'm at all proud of.

 

Unfortunately, I think you're right, it happens rather a lot, and very rarely will the person who has lost the attraction for their partner actually admit to it, and risk losing what's left. It's a terrible thing to do to someone, though.

 

Same thing happened to me

Was with him 3 years for the first two loved him in every way and in the last year felt no attraction but stayed because we were such good friends. I just didn't feel like sex anymore..ever! And when I did it I did it to keep him happy... Horrible I know

[ghost69]

girl i was in love with...realized i couldn't be with her anymore. i realized i dated her solely based on her personality. her looks finally got to me.

[Dubb]

Maybe date her again? Also, do your best to let her see thatother women desire you without throwing it in her face.

[pinkrobot]

I've lost attraction to someone before...attraction as a whole, both physically and mentally. Most of it was due to things falling apart in the relationship: we both changed over time, but changed in opposite ways; he stopped respecting me as an individual; he began valuing different things than I did; and he became controlling as a result of my having different values than his.

 

Attraction can go away for many reasons, but it does happen, unfortunately.

[alcide]

I lost taste for my guy due to the fact that he can't make love properly, and plus he cheated so i don't get really pleasure in hom any more, and thats my story.

[keith515]

Everyone is providing good insight.

 

I hope I didn't skew the responses but what I was hoping to find out (so far it appears to be the case) is that generally, when the GF appears to have "lost" her sex drive when in reality they just lost their attraction to him. Everything in the relationship is mostly fine, there's just no more sexual chemistry and there's not much the BF can do except change who he is.

[JenniferSNJ]

I actually experienced this. We dated for 4 years and he didn't change in a bad way physically- he actually became more attractive through the years. However, I was getting turned off emotionally, which made me not attracted to him sexually. I thought it was my sex drive, but that has returned in all its glory since breaking up with him. For me, it was a connection between emotions & sexuality. I'd argue for most women, it's that they lose feelings romantically and that transforms into "sudden lack of sex drive."

[JeckyllNHyde]

Well for us, sometimes HE is the one who seems to want sex less then me, though it's not a problem. It's not like I get turned down much and I know he has a health issue which has been weighing down on his mind.

 

I haven't lost attraction to him but my want for sex with him has diminished.

If he where to innitiate sex every night, like we used to do in the first yr/months (we're together 1.5 yrs now) I'd feel a bit suffocated and obligated to have sex and always be in the mood. So yes, I'd probably be turning him down on occasion. I like the way it is now where we're both in the mood once a week or twice- sometimes more of course.

 

I too look back fondly upon the memories of when we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Good times! And maybe we can still get it back, probably not as often as back then though. (I fantasize that once we live together we'll have sex every day lol, probably a bit dillusional but one can try).

 

When I tell him I'm tired or turn down sex ocassionally, the answer is simple: I'm just not in the mood for it.

Usually I have other things on my mind and want to focus on those while cuddeling or just wanting to watch what is on tv.

Seductive foreplay can sometimes change my mind though. And vice versa.

[JeckyllNHyde]

girl i was in love with...realized i couldn't be with her anymore. i realized i dated her solely based on her personality. her looks finally got to me.

 

That's the first time i heard that. I always hear people give advice and say that "what's inside counts" and "attraction hooks you, and their personality keeps you around" (looks do play a role of course).

 

Was she just not an attractive person?? Or did it slowly dawn on you over time?

[ghost69]

That's the first time i heard that. I always hear people give advice and say that "what's inside counts" and "attraction hooks you, and their personality keeps you around" (looks do play a role of course).

 

Was she just not an attractive person?? Or did it slowly dawn on you over time?

 

she had very pretty eyes and facial features. her personality rocked, but i was just turned off by her body. i met her without ever being like 'dayuuuum' about her physical attraction. we had sex a lot and all of that no problem. but something just kept nitpicking at me. i finally realized the physical wasn't there and had to end it. there was no getting around it. i will never do that again. if the physical isn't there to begin with, i won't even bother with the mental for dating. but, yes, i do need both.

[JeckyllNHyde]

she had very pretty eyes and facial features. her personality rocked, but i was just turned off by her body. i met her without ever being like 'dayuuuum' about her physical attraction. we had sex a lot and all of that no problem. but something just kept nitpicking at me. i finally realized the physical wasn't there and had to end it. there was no getting around it. i will never do that again. if the physical isn't there to begin with, i won't even bother with the mental for dating. but, yes, i do need both.

 

I don't want to de rail the thread but I'm just really curious: what happens if age takes a toll on her a decade later?

p.s. I think it's great you know what you want.

[ghost69]

I don't want to de rail the thread but I'm just really curious: what happens if age takes a toll on her a decade later?

p.s. I think it's great you know what you want.

 

hmmm, how should i answer this. well, we had problems. i kept breaking it off but i couldn't figure out why. i figured it out. originally i guess i was not attracted to her physically. i'm sure some day, i will look past physical more and go for that great personality. until then, i have to have both. i don't really look to the future, i live in the moment with my wants and needs.

 

i've had people ask me that in person...'what in 10-20 years?' you know, i haven't lived in the future yet, so i couldn't tell you. i just know what turned me off at this point in my life. i won't do that to myself again. she was a great girl and i wish her the best. at this point, she isn't good enough for what i want.

[JeckyllNHyde]

True.. Some things are just hard to give an answer about if you simply don't know what the future holds.

Thanks for answering. I just find it interested hearing others honest opinion on this stuff.

[misspaf]

I think my ex lost attraction towards me a month before we broke up, he wasn't up for sex as much as he was, wasn't hugging me as much as he was. I'm not a skinny girl but I'm not that big either. I joined the local weightwatchers club to try and lose some weight, he wasn't very motivating and after a month I stopped cos we broke up. I was only doing it for him.

 

I never lost my attraction for him. About a month later after we spilt, we met up in the nightclub, well I knew he was going to be there so I put on my best clothes and showed him what he was missing. I didn't want to get back with him or anything, I just wanted him to see I could be attractive if I wanted to. It worked, he couldn't keep his hands off me. Had sex and haven't seen him again since and I don't want to! haha!

[Knotty]

Did the people in this thread that said they lost attraction mean physical attraction? Did the partner become less physically attractive or did you get bored of their looks (or wanted someone better looking)?

 

I lost interest in sex with an ex-girlfriend, but I didn't lose physical attraction. We both stayed in the same shape, but I was in better shape to start. I got a little bored, but she didn't. Over about a year's time some other issues came up that eventually turned me off.

 

I don't want to de rail the thread but I'm just really curious: what happens if age takes a toll on her a decade later?

For me, it wouldn't matter if we both aged equally (gracefully). I don't think anyone could reasonably expect their partner to still find them just as attractive if they put on 50-100 pounds, do you?

[ghost69]

Did the people in this thread that said they lost attraction mean physical attraction? Did the partner become less physically attractive or did you get bored of their looks (or wanted someone better looking)?

 

I lost interest in sex with an ex-girlfriend, but I didn't lose physical attraction. We both stayed in the same shape, but I was in better shape to start. I got a little bored, but she didn't. Over about a year's time some other issues came up that eventually turned me off.

 

 

For me, it wouldn't matter if we both aged equally (gracefully). I don't think anyone could reasonably expect their partner to still find them just as attractive if they put on 50-100 pounds, do you?

 

plenty of girls turned me off mentally too. but usually those girls never made it to gf status.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Did the people in this thread that said they lost attraction mean physical attraction? Did the partner become less physically attractive or did you get bored of their looks (or wanted someone better looking)?

 

I lost interest in sex with an ex-girlfriend, but I didn't lose physical attraction. We both stayed in the same shape, but I was in better shape to start. I got a little bored, but she didn't. Over about a year's time some other issues came up that eventually turned me off.

Very good point. I think most people where talking about physical since it's about sex.

But I think mental has to do with it too. Mostly getting in a rut, being together alot, getting boring with each other.

 

I don't think I'd want someone better looking though. I know other people's opinion of looks differs. At first I used to look at other guys and think "wow.. he's cute!" lol. Now I look and I just think "he's not like my bf (mentally and character wise) so he'd never match up".

 

And if I got bored with a bf's looks, I'd think I'm just not ready for a relationship with anyone and if I'm not, then I'd rather just date around/not at all.

 

If you get bored with a partners looks in a few years, chances are you'll get bored with the next gf/bf, and next. The newness will always wear off. But hopefuly in a good way and it'll be replaced with familiarity.

 

 

For me, it wouldn't matter if we both aged equally (gracefully). I don't think anyone could reasonably expect their partner to still find them just as attractive if they put on 50-100 pounds, do you?

It wouldn't matter to me either. I'd prefer if my partner didn't put on a ton of weight, but who knows what I'll look like in a few years. I know I'd do my best to lose it, and look my best too. Not just for him, but for me.

 

The only thing that can really put me off mentally is when I see poor hygiene, not taking care of themself (health-wise like what they eat and doing NO form of exercise) and poor table manners. I want someone healthy and conscious at least. Or if we didn't connect much mentally anymore, but I doubt that would happen in my current relationship.