Forgetting him...

[XyzPqr]

I have been bugging my friends to an extent that they've started avoiding me ( I think so ) Erm... I'm hoping someone would take out the time to read this & help me :

I'm a 20 year old girl. I started dating this guy ( when I was 16 ) I had met online ( yea, I dont know why ) after being friends for like 2-3 months or so ( During which I saw him deal with a few girls who said they were prob pregnant cuz of him which he obviously refuted in front of me & tried to make me believe that he was actually a virgin ). He was everything I should've stayed away from - A party animal, a show off, crazy about girls, etc etc. But - I still got with him. He told me about his ex who had left him cuz she had to do her graduation in another state & even showed me some texts from some number which said " I promise to get back with you after 5 years. Love you ". But, he made it quite clear that he was actually happy that this girlfriend ( of 9 months ) had gone away.

Anyways, so, we started off. There were many times he found my phone busy at night ( I was talking to friends ) & then, he regularly started checking up on my account - asking me how I know this / that person. It did bug me but, I gave him all the explanations he ever asked for. Then, one day, he turns around & tells me " I don't want you talking to ANY guy & I want you to shut down your account as well. " That was quite weird cuz I had friends I had known since we were kids & I am not the kind of person who keeps many friends so, obviously these few friends that I had were very close & few of them were boys. He wanted me to get away from ALL of em - not just boys but, even girls !!

So - I started distancing myself from him - cuz this behavior was just unacceptable. But, it was bad - he started lurking around outside my house & if I didn't pick up my cell when he called, he left messages threatening to tell my parents about us. Now - I have the kind of parents who only accept guys as friends - nothing else. If they would've come to know that I had a boyfriend - they would've KILLED me ( literally ) !

Anyhow so, I had no other option & one day, when he wanted to meet me & I didn't - he threatened me so, I went. I would spare the details & tell you what happened that day - He raped me. He forced himself on me. And I couldn't do anything. Nothing. And when he was done - I was crying, in pain & all I did was beg - for him to not leave me. He always knew that I was going to lose my virginity only to my husband that is, whenever when I got married. I was devastated - I couldn't tell my parents, the police - No one. I had one close guy friend ( who had warned me about my boyfriend when I got with him as he had been chasing his friend for a while. He had said that your guy is famous as a loose character. ) Yea - So, I called him & he was furious but, obviously, nothing could be done. I could NOT tell the police nor my parents. I thought for days, days while my boyfriend was constantly contacting me - apologizing & crying cuz ' He was a rapist '.

 

I finally reached the conclusion that I was going to stay with this guy cuz he had my virginity. And I think, he also knew that I was going to stay with him cuz he had my virginity. So, we got back, tried to behave normal. But, after maybe 2-3 weeks, he started getting horny again - and on MY birthday - he gave himself a gift - by doing me. After that, I did EVERYTHING he asked me to cuz I feared losing him - I cut off contact with all my friends just as he wanted, gave him the passwords to all my accounts.

It was only after 1 month of all this that I realized that if he expected this of me - he should be doing the same. But, obviously, he didn't - never changed his cell number ( though he got mine changed ) but, kept telling me that he wasn't in contact with any girl. But, one day randomly - I asked him to open his account ( whose password he never gave to me even though he had mine ) and I saw mails - he telling this girl how he loved her, how she was the only friend he ever had. I felt like I was stabbed. But, he gave me some weird reasons which I don't know why - believed. After that, we both shut our accounts to avoid problems like these.

After we had been together for 2 years or so - Fb came up. And by then, he had already made it clear to me that he wanted to be the biggest party animal the world would ever know. He convinced me to let him make an account on Fb to make a ' friend list ' that would serve as his guest list. I completely trusted him by then, so, I let him. He wanted me to make an account there too but, I refused. It was okay with me. And then, randomly - just to give him a surprise, I made an account on Fb. When I saw his profile - I was shocked - there were more than 400 people on his list - mostly half naked girls. And his wall was full of " Love you's & Miss you's & call me's ". I called his mum ( who knew about us & btw, he didn't have a dad - he died when my guy was 15 ). She said she had no idea about all this & asked me to wait till he woke up. Things remained heated for a day or two - but, I was convinced by them that this was done just to attract people to his parties.

 

So, I made an a/c on Fb & he removed all these people from his list. What I didn't realize was that most of the ' school friends ' he had kept on his a/c were actually random girls he had chatted up with. I found out that too. I also found porn on his p.c. regularly which he blamed on his younger brother but, I knew it was him & I obviously felt very insulted - I felt like he might be viewing my body the same way as those porn stars - no respect. And things were just getting on my nerves. But, I always let him fix these things - I had to stay with him - He had my virginity.

Surprisingly, he never seemed to mind my a/c on Fb - A number of long lost friends & acquaintances began to contact me. It was like he completely trusted me ( But, I obv didn't ). Except for a few guys, he never bothered - Whenever I asked him if there was something he'd wanna know / see - he said he trusted me. And I was on cloud nine. In reality also - I was doing nothing. I limited all these long lost people to Fb only - whenever someone asked for my number / meet up or something - I blocked em. And while I thought things were getting back on track - My guy was busy flirting with chicks in his inbox ( since its not necessary to add a person to your friend list to exchange messages ). He never gave me his password. And when I asked him to show me his account - He behaved weird. But, there were times he himself showed me his account - and there was nothing ( Obviously cuz he deleted everything suspicious before I came to meet him.) Also, he never let me see his phone & if he had to even go for a bath while I was there, he'd switch off his phone / put a security code.

 

Meanwhile - his ' parties ' failed miserably & even though, it was my shoulder he always needed to cry on - he & his mum started putting the blame of all his failures on me. He fell deeply into drugs & blamed it on me cuz according to him, I made him so upset with his life that he had to do drugs to convince himself he's happy. And he became an addict. His mum never stopped him cuz according to her " This was his age to do all this " ! Whenever he & I had a fight - he'd ask his mum to intervene ( and I obv cant be fighting with an elder woman ). So, I was made to shut up & I was constantly reminded of how cursed my presence was for my guy.

Oh yea - Btw - my guy - he had not even completed school. So, his mum always told me that since he had never studied - parties were all he could do. And not to forget his dream of becoming the biggest party animal ever with loads of half naked * * * * s around him. The worst was - he wanted me to be there too - in those parties, in those pics with the chicks. I am not from a family like that neither am I a party person. So, we started clashing & by then, I had completely lost my trust in him too. I was even abused verbally & beaten up regularly - which were followed by apologies & I stayed - thinking things would change.

The funny part is that my guy seemed to know that these party-girls only came for the money & he also knew that none of his friends were really his ' friends ' & I was the only ' real ' person in his life. Even his mum - she just gave him money to go & have fun when he was upset - she never really consoled him or let him cry his heart out or something ( probably cuz she was busy enjoying life with her boyfriend - her husband's business partner ) But, his family really loved me - at least, they pretended to. But well, he ran after these same ' hollow ' chicks, parties, friends. And none of them ever stopped him.

We broke up no. of times - but always got back. During our break ups - his ' best friends ' used to contact me & tell me how sick, loose he was. And how they were surprised that he had found a girl like me. Whenever we got back - I used to tell him the truth about these ' best friends '. He used to be shocked but, was back to enjoying with them like always as if they said nothing !! And yes, during our break ups - He used to go on this rampage of adding girls, flirting with em, telling em how pretty they are, discussing our relationship & why we broke up. ( I saw the messages later ). When we used to get back & I asked him why he did all this - He said he knew I'd be watching. He said he used to do it to drive me crazy so, that I'd call him & get back ! The thing is - he used to chase these chicks like a dog but, ' his ego never let him call me '. He could cry regarding our break up in front of these * * * * s but, never me !!

 

But, last year - he beat me up & abused me - badly - my face was swollen & bleeding - all cuz he wanted to meet this childhood friend of his & I didn't want him to. So, his mum's boyfriend decided that it was over.

I cut off all contacts - changed my number, blocked him on Fb. But, I did see his friend list - it was growing & the girls he was adding were.... After I finally stopped checking up - after 2 months - he called my college friend - begging, crying cuz he wanted me back. My friend put us on conference cuz I had strictly told her to not pass on my number to anyone. He cried - I screamed at him - I said all I ever wanted to - I told him I hated him. And he just listened, and cried. I was relieved inside. But, he called again after a week or so - and he convinced me to get back with him - promising he'd change & make it beautiful.

So, when we got back, I saw a side to him I loved, I didn't trust him but, I tried to. On our 3rd year anniversary, he proposed to me !! He even got our names tattooed on his neck !! We even adopted a puppy together - he lovingly called him our son. I was over-joyed. Life was BEAUTIFUL.

 

But, it was too good to be true - 6 months after getting back - it all started again - the girls, the parties, the abuse. He said that 6 months he behaved just the way he wanted me to, so, I should trust him. But, I just couldn't. And then, everything was miserable again. But, he never broke up - he wanted me to trust him cuz of the guy he had been pretending to be for 6 months !! I mean, how sick is that ??

This March - I had finally had enough - he had started adding random girls again - he thought this would force me to trust him. But, it was all killing me inside. So, I broke up. I broke up. I thought it'd make him regret. But, I was wrong. He went crazy adding girls. And uploaded the pics of a party he hosted ( only 8 peple came !! ) But, there were a few pics with girls who lived in the same locality as his & an older woman. Meanwhile - His Fb was flooded with " OMG, I missed you, call me, love you ".

His mum called after a month after our break up on my landline since I had changed my cell number - it was his birthday - she told me how depressed he had been since morn. I made it clear that I was not going to wish him & he could enjoy with those girls so, she threatened to tell my parents.

I had no choice, I called to wish him. We spoke for a min or so & then, I hung up. He wanted me to call him ' once in a while '. And guess what ? My friend who has access to his Fb a/c ( cuz her brother knows him ) told me that he was actually partying on his birthday with his friends & an old foreign woman !! She showed me the pics. I called him & BLASTED him - I couldn't believe his mother lied so much to me ! Anyways, we spoke for a week or so after that - during which he said weird things like he wanted to marry me, get back with me but, wanted to be 'free' with girls. He was even ready to let me talk to guys now ! ( It was like he wanted to be single while being in a relationship ). Also, he said - all these years, there was not one day he didn't lie to me cuz he knew I would not accept him with all those wishes of his - so, he lied cuz he feared losing me.

I was just being sucked into that warp again - so, one day I finally texted him telling him what an indecent, dishonest, characterless hypocrite he was. He called me after a day - saying he was deeply disturbed because of the message I sent to him. I told him it was the truth & I told him to keep that message as last of me. I haven't heard from him since.

This happened in the beginning of April. But, yes, thanks to my friend - I know he has over 500 people on his Fb friend list now ( he had only 220 when he was with me ) most of them look like party * * * * s & he's even added back ALL those girls who ever created problems between us. ( He used to make fun of them with me, call em ugly, fat et al. He's even added his younger brother's friends, girlfriends & ex-girlfriends !! ) And worse - I saw his recent pics - kissing, necking, touching ( inspite of that tattoo with our names on his neck ) foreign women ( who look MUCH older & who weren't even wearing enough clothes to cover themselves with ) & an ' old friend ' he had supposedly forgotten - on the bed, the sofa - everywhere. I have now come to know that this ' old friend ' of his was actually pursuing her grad in another state & she's come back now. But, its been 3 & a half years to my relationship. I wonder if it was she who was actually his ex-girlfriend ( he had told me about in the beginning ) though he had told me a different name. But, the way they're all over each other in the pics, I am quite sure that they've had sex. And there is no way they've just caught up. She even lives in the same locality so, my imagination goes all crazy when I think. And to top it all - she is quite famous as someone who's loose & would get with any guy. She's everything he wanted - a party girl who doesn't mind him mixing with other women & she, herself, does the same.

 

Its like - I was never there. Its like those 3 & a half years of my relationship were never there. Its like he never proposed to me. Its like he's actually quite happy. But, when I BROKE UP, WHY AM I NOT HAPPY ? I feel tired all day - I cry, I sleep, I have lost a LOT of weight & my parents are SO worried. There are days I feel fine but, most of the days - I keep crying, thinking, dreaming about him & all that was there between us. I have finally asked my friend to stop checking up on his a/c - the last update was that he had lost his phone ( which prob means my number's lost too ) & all the numbers while he was having fun on the beach ( I dont even want to know with who ). He also did create a few fake accounts & added me but, I obv don't add randommers.

 

Anyway, he's stopped that. Its like he's not even bothered if I'm dead or alive. Whenever I'm alone, I unblock him & see friend lists of random girls to see if he's there & most of the times - he is. I dont even need to imagine what they must be talking about. But, its just driving me insane - I cant get myself to stop thinking, imagining, crying - He's broken everything. I had broken up so that, he'd realize but, he is HAVING FUN with * * * * s. My friend's brother who knows him personally & everyone else , they all say I should be glad he's gone.

The thing is I have always got back with him when he wanted, he himself said it on my face that he knew he could take me for granted. He never let any of my 3 birthdays that I spent with him, go peacefully - from doing me, to beating me up, to abusing me - everything ! But, I broke up & inspite of all that he's doing right now - I haven't called him - and this is unlike anything we've been through before.

 

Often during our conversations - he used to own up to the fact that he was behaving incredibly immature. But, like he said - I want to have that experience ! He wanted to be the " Hugh Hefner of photos " But - this was how it went :

He used to say - " You dont understand me, do you ? You want a family, a glorious career, a well paying job, a loving husband & kids. I do too. But, there are other things I want in life - I want to be seen in parties with LOADS of girls around me including you - people should be jealous of me - they should feel miserable that they don't have a life like mine ! I want people to chase me to be my friend. I want to have more than a million friends on my page & more than a million numbers in my phone - I want to have albums on Fb - Me, Parties, Girls. I want to be POPULAR - with people in general - not just guys or girls. And I don't want a curse like love / relationship with you to restrict me. Why can I not be friends with a girl who seems interesting / beautiful to me ? Why can't I talk to her on the phone / hang out with her ? Only cuz I'm in a relationship ?!?! I will have sex with you only - promise. " ( Right - He will have sex only with me - that was all he wanted to keep me for ? )

 

He never did anything like that with me - Spoke to me over the phone only fr a few minutes, NEVER went out with me - He always wanted us to stay home cuz he felt very ' husbandly ' that way. And I did as he said.

I like a loony used to sit & make cards for him, I used to try & make things he liked eating ( cuz his mum NEVER bothered ), buy things for him ( not myself ) whenever I went out shopping. He never did - those cards lay in a corner between old newspapers & magazines, he just tasted ( 1 spoon ) what I made for him & throw the rest & then, order a take-away-meal, and yea - he used to get cheap t-shirts ( I couldn't even wear them at home - they were that cheap & sick ) or at the most - cola candies ( since I LOVED those ).

Even on my birthday - he just asked me if I wanted something - and I said No & that was it. He NEVER bothered to buy me a damned cake, let alone a gift. But, I didn't mind - I wanted him to be there, I didn't want the gifts, I didn't want him to spend money on me - I wanted him - only.

And you know what he said to his mum when we broke up ? " I spend all my money on her & she still isn't grateful !! " - That's what hurt me. Did those shirts / candies cost THAT much ? Right - All his money was splurged on his dear friends who hated him or on drugs. And not to forget - Along with my tee's, he used to get himself expensive perfumes, jeans & what not - and he showed em to me - " Here - I got you this stupid tee & look I got myself expensive stuff ! ".

That's why these things bother me now. Oh ! Did I tell you - he took his best friend out fr lunch in a five star hotel when it was his birthday ( his friend's ) & I was taken to McDonald's on mine ! I really didn't want to get down to calculating all this but, when he said that to his mum - I just felt SO insulted ! Even his friends used to come to me asking me to ask my guy to get their work done if he could get it done faster cuz they knew I would gladly sacrifice my time with him so, his friends & he could sort out their own things ! And he used to ' act ' so worked up - " You know I'll do this only cuz you told me to - otherwise, I wanna spend time with you. "

 

He did stay home most of the time earlier - except that he used to get out at around 12 in the night - to start with his ' socializing ' and return home at 6/7 in the morn !! But, now, that I'm gone - I'm sure that if not a party promoter - he is meeting up enough people & clicking pics with em to upload & adding people on Fb & storing their numbers in his phone book - to be Mr.Popular - as he always wanted to be - since my cursed relationship is no longer there to restrict him.

And this, according to his mum, is the right thing for him to do cuz he's a school drop out - he can't get a job ! I wonder what he'll write in his C.V. - Hi ! I have NO education - But, I have 10256 people on my Fb friend list & 547629 numbers in my cellphone ?!?!? He used to ask me if lemon had a single m in it or double !!! And now, he's going around telling people that he's finished with engineering & is starting with his MBA. I wonder if he can even spell MBA !?!?!?!

 

But, I dont know what to do - Did he really substitute me with that ex ? Is that old friend his ex ? Why is chasing SO MANY girls ? Does he not remember me ? Does he not think of me even once ? Is he doing all this cuz he knows I'm watching ? Or is he genuinely happy with his life ? Its been a month & a week since we last spoke - Has he really forgotten me & all about us ?

[LWalk6439]

Wow, he has really put you through a lot. You don't need that! You should be grateful that he is leaving you alone. There are so many better guys out there that would never ever rape their girlfriend or attack them! You should never forget him though because of everything he put you through, you just learned what you don't need and what you don't deserve from a guy. Real guys are respectful of girls and if they really love you, they don't do anything to cause harm. He sounds like he has some serious issues and you shouldn't be thinking if he has forgotten about you and what the two of you had. I bet you more than anything he has not forgotten, but you shouldn't stress about that. You need to focus on yourself. I just went through a breakup (although not as abusive and bad as yours) but I know it's difficult to get over. You just need to take it one day at a time, and I know that one day you are going to feel like you will never be happy again but the next you could feel great. Put your energy into something productive, I started keeping a journal and I also bought ton's of books on breakups which really made me feel better about myself. I think talking about it is good too! You need to stop worrying about this guy, he is not worth your time, you're better than that!