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Is my roommate using me?


Milly87
Signs she is not faithful
Signs she is not faithful

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Or am I just extremely touchy.

 

I have two roomates, we generally all get along. I am the youngest at 22, the other girls are 26 and 27.

We all pay exactly the same, share things equally etc...

 

My issue is with my middle roomate, the 26 year old, whilst I am a full time student she is a full time intern, and so our schedules are different. I come and go as I please I am mostly home by myself in between classes (depression means staying unless necessary), but she does not know this, or my class schedule as she is out at 10 am and back at 6pm.

 

This started about 7 months ago, when we had just started living together, she would call randomly sometime in the afternoon, always only to ask me to do her a favour, things like could you pick up something from this shop for me, or I forgot to go to the bank could you go and pay for this - When I was free I did.

Then there were the other times when I would be mid lecture and my phone would start buzzing, and won't stop... An hour later I will have 4 missed calls from her, call thinking something was wrong, only to be asked another favour.

 

The day I snapped was when I had returned a call only to be asked if I could get a mop because she forgot. I told her I was in class and she wanted to know when I would be free, I told her I wasnt sure and she could definetely buy a mop at 6 on her way home, I was mad because I felt like I was expected to buy a mop at some stupid store and literally carry this long thing on the street, public transport, all the way home? (If it had been my turn to get it, I would have ordered it online with other big items - as I said before I dont go out when I dont have to).

 

We get along and occasionally have casual chats, coffee etc in the weekend, but I cannot think of any time she had called me that wasnt in the middle of the afternoon to ask for a favour.

 

I stopped picking up her calls. I figured if it was important, she will text but she never does. I have text her after five missed calls to say I was in a class, and all she ever texts back is call me when you're free. So I just don't, knowing that of course she needs yet another favour.

 

If these favours were things related to us all I may understand it, but it never is, it's always things for her, I mean, I am not her assistant!

If I knew she had ever asked my other flatmate for anything, it will be fine too, but I know she doesn't. My other flatmate is extremely polite and like me, just does her own thing.

 

The most annoying thing is she has never asked me for a favour to my face, yesterday I had four missed calls from her at 3pm and when she came in at 6 she says nothing about them... I said hello, how are things, she smiled and nothing. Now its early afternoon and my phone has already rang twice.

 

It was funny for a while, but now its just irritating.

 

How do I ask her to stop? I don't like drama, and want my living situation to stay pleasant, I dont need her as a friend, or as an enemy just as someone who I can respecfully coexist in a house with.

 

What can I say?

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It sounds like she is definitely taking advantage of your good nature. I find with people like that you really have to stand up for yourself or she will continue to take advantage.

 

If you ever get a spare minute with her to yourself you should explain it to her. She might not even realise you are bothered by it and that should make her stop. It will only cause drama if you allow it to continue.

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Thanks, you guys... I have said no a lot recently but she never stops. What's annoying is the lack of face to face, i will feel less annoyed if she respected me enough to do that, but vague texts like please call me back asap.. are just plain weird.

 

Will talk to her this evening..

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in friendships, roommate situation, in relationships you have to learn how to set your boundaries. You have to 'teach' people what your boundaries are and that there are consequences if they are not respecting your boundaries. It might sound harsh, but it is an important thing to do if you want to have healthy interactions with other people.

 

You have not demonstrated to your roommate yet, that you are not willing to be her personal assistant and that you are not willing to be available for her all the time.

 

I went through some troubles with my roommate about this as well. Yes she was mad at me at the beginning when I clearly stated to her that I have to work a lot and that I cannot be available to her anymore whenever she wants. It's one thing if it is an emergency, but otherwise she has to respect my timetable. Once she got it that I meant business, all of a sudden it wasn't a problem anymore

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