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I'm so sick of the games.


Aeryn

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This is about that same damn guy.

 

The guy who chased me for a while, showered me with compliments and dates, etc. He finally "got me" and then he acted cold. He ignored me, and when I never got a reply back, I deleted all of his contact info--phone number, Myspace, AIM, etc.

 

Earlier today, I hear from him that I'm too "free-spirited" and basically wasn't willing to "give it up" easily. I never replied.

 

I was on AIM about 30 minutes ago talking to a couple of friends...and I got a pop up IM from him. Basically:

 

Hey, are you mad at me?

I barely know you, I'm not gonna be mad just because one person doesn't want to talk to me. I could care less.

Well, I tried texting you several times today and never got a response.

And you haven't tried talking to me...

I got one text, no need in replying to something like that.

And I've got nothing to say, really. I told you how I felt the other night, then you avoided me. I don't play those games.

I don't play games either, that's why I'm trying to tell you I'm not upset and I like you.

I tried sending you texts and telling you, but I guess you didn't get them.

Apparently not.

...silence for a few minutes...

Is that all you wanted?

...more silence for a few minutes...

..*he logs off*..

 

I'm sorry. I could have dealt with this perfectly had he not contacted me again. But the fact that he contacted me via messenger tonight, stating that he "likes me" and "doesn't play games either" and then goes off on the whole IGNORING me thing again... it pisses me off.

 

I literally want to send the * * * * * * * a text message right now and cuss him out. But I'm not. I'm going to ignore the guy completely.

 

Ugh. Is this guy REALLY 25 years old? I always wondered why 3 of his 4 long-term girlfriends cheated on him...I think I'm beginning to see why, perhaps.

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Kick him to the curb. Obviously, he showed little care for you through that one little chat conversation you two had. Yes, to some men, getting a girl's attention is like a game. They will play and play until they win. And when they do, it's just another trophy they earned. You are put on a mantle to gather dust just like the rest. You're no more special than the girl he conquered before. This is why it's important to hold your guard and never let it down. Because once the chase is over, it is really over. But if a guy was really into you, he wouldn't have played these head games with you ever.

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Ugh. Is this guy REALLY 25 years old? I always wondered why 3 of his 4 long-term girlfriends cheated on him...I think I'm beginning to see why, perhaps.

 

So, basically, because he is ignoring you, then he deserves to be cheated on ? Geez...

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No, I wasn't trying to say that he should be cheated on because he is ignoring me. I said it in reference to I bet he plays these games with every woman.

 

Anyways, I got a text message from him a bit ago that said, "Are you gonna loosen up and stop ignoring me now?"

 

NOTE I NEVER ignored this guy. He claimed that he sent me a bunch of texts yesterday that I never responded to, but I know he didn't. I got 50+ texts yesterday from nearly everybody EXCEPT him, so I know my phone wasn't acting up or anything.

 

Anyways, after he sent me that, I replied. Probably shouldn't have, but I was kind of pissed that he was throwing blame onto me. And so...

 

 

You know what, why don't YOU consider telling people why you're going to all the sudden stop talking to them, instead of being a damn coward about it all. People like you really piss me off; act your age, jerk.

 

What the hell? You need to work on your anger issues. I didn't wanna stop talking to you, but now I kinda do. You're far too reactionary. You said it once to me...but not everyone is like your exes. If I wasn't interested, I'd tell you.

 

Whatever. I don't care. You just like to play games, and I'm not up for that.

 

Actually I don't. I've never played games with you, but I enjoy that opinion. I'm not gonna try to change it.

 

I definitely would call it games when you try to throw the blame on me when you're the one who was ignoring me. I grew up in a family with all men, and most of my friends are guys, so I think I know the difference between being serious and playing games. I'm not gonna pretend to be stupid and play the forgive and forget game here.

 

Haha...whatever...just because you grew up with all men doesn't mean you know us all. I was interested.

 

I don't claim to know them all. But like I said, I know when games are being played. And your actions sure as hell didn't show any signs of "interest". Whether you were interested or not, I could care less. You were the one who made the first move, asked for my number, and set the dates, so its not like I wasted any of my time. You can't even be man enough to take a little bit of direct criticism from a female, which is part of who I am, so we would have never gotten along in the long run anyways. And when we first began talking, I straight up told you that I was very confrontational and I liked to argue, and you said you had no problem with that...so don't act like all of this is news to you pal. Goodbye.

 

 

Yeah. Seriously. I know I'm not "innocent" in all of this, but...I was honest with this guy from day one. I told him how I was, to which he agreed was "fine" with him. He goes off and ignores me, then claims that I was the one ignoring him. He should have just kept ignoring me.

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I would have done something similar as far as writing how I was feeling with one difference - I wouldn't have sent it to him. What's the point of telling someone you barely know all of those negative messages - you're not his mother, therapist or teacher, just someone who he dated a few times. The downside is that if you really get him angry, there might be consequences since he knows your name, phone number, where you live, etc. Please be careful with that - it's simply not worth it with someone you barely know. I understand you're disappointed that he seemed into you and then is sending mixed signals but here's my suggestion.

 

If someone new in your life is unreliable (meaning without a true excuse - close to an emergency situation) give the person one chance to be reliable and then cut them off - that way there is no opportunity to give mixed signals. and cut them off in a neutral or polite way - if you have to respond to an email simply write "i don't think we're a match and it doesn't make sense to be in contact anymore. be well."

 

That way you don't burn bridges or antagonize someone and you don't get subjected to mixed messages. Understand that some people just like the thrill of the chase, or, realize once they caught you that you're not a good match, or meet someone else who is a better match in the meanwhile. Don't take it personally, ok?

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Thanks for the response Batya.

 

To be honest, I was just going to keep ignoring the guy. I have been since he began ignoring me, and I was fine with it. But I just can't stand it when someone tries to put blame on ME when it was THEM.

 

When I was younger, I let people walk all over me. They could basically say anything they wanted to me, and I would just ignore them or still be nice in return. The older I get, the more I'm turning out to be just like my mother and father...I fight and argue more, and I don't let people walk all over me. Personally, I like that. That's part of me, and I'm pretty sure I'll remain this way for the rest of my life, considering how screwed up things were in my childhood.

 

Oh...he does have my number. But I never let him know where I live. I do know where he lives though, hah.

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But here's the thing - this is a stranger who doesn't know you so his "blaming" you should really roll off your back - he has no role in your life such that his opinion should matter. Choose your battles - at the least, you'll avoid high blood pressure, ulcers, other stress related illnesses. Of course you shouldn't let people walk all over you but when you react as you did, the other person wins - he got what he wanted which was a reaction out of you. Showing a person like that that his opinion is irrelevant by reacting in a non-defensive way "you're entitled to your opinion, we can agree to disagree." is taking the high, classy road and putting him in his place.

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To be honest, I was just going to keep ignoring the guy. I have been since he began ignoring me, and I was fine with it. But I just can't stand it when someone tries to put blame on ME when it was THEM.

 

I really dont understand why do you care. Are you interested on him ? Just cut all the contact with the guy and forget about him. If he tries to contact you, then be polite, but say no to any invitations. If you keep feeding him with attention and drama he might think that you care.

 

Oh...he does have my number. But I never let him know where I live. I do know where he lives though, hah.

 

Do you plan to pop in sometime ?

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Omg, clearly he's just not into you.

 

A lot of my friends are female and they have to deal with this kind of thing from men all the time in the dating game. But that's not to say they're completely innocent of the circumstances either.

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cl76- I've KNOWN he wasn't into me, pretty much the whole time. The first time I came on here for advice on this guy, everyone said he was "clearly INTO me..." so I left it at that, even though I never really thought he was. I always had a hunch he wanted one thing: Sex.

 

And I guess when I didn't give it up after him showering me with compliments and stuff, he realized I wasn't going to give in as easily as some of the other girls he dated. Just the way I see it.

 

 

And no, I really don't care what he thinks of me...if I did, I would have put myself out there as some "fake bubbly girl" who is always nice, and always caters to her man of interest. But I didn't. I refuse to let anyone control me or my life, or change me into someone I'm not. And...I did walk away, until he came back. Then I got mad. Probably just should have stayed away though.

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I agree, you should have stayed away from him. Maybe you thought it would be different this time... at least now you know that he is consistently going to upset you.

 

You deserve better than this guy.

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There's something psychological going on here. Did you think you were better than him so you'd be worth the wait (for sex)? When he stopped showing interest, you felt insulted? Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but there must be an explanation of why you are holding on to him and want to get a reaction out of him.

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Knotty,

 

I'm not holding onto him. I deleted all of his contact info at the start, and he contacted me again only to keep playing the games.

 

But again, his contact info is all gone. I've got no reason to talk to the guy.

 

And no I don't feel "better" than him, I just don't feel that I should have to give myself up when I barely know a person. We hadn't even talked relationship, and he was already talking sex. Honestly, I'd much rather, at the LEAST, just TALK about a relationship before moving into talking about sex with that person.

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Knotty,

 

I'm not holding onto him. I deleted all of his contact info at the start, and he contacted me again only to keep playing the games.

 

But again, his contact info is all gone. I've got no reason to talk to the guy.

 

And no I don't feel "better" than him, I just don't feel that I should have to give myself up when I barely know a person. We hadn't even talked relationship, and he was already talking sex. Honestly, I'd much rather, at the LEAST, just TALK about a relationship before moving into talking about sex with that person.

OK, I forgot that you said you deleted all his contact info. I just hate to see women spend time thinking about and arguing with guys they don't like when they could be putting the energy into finding a nicer guy.

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We hadn't even talked relationship, and he was already talking sex. Honestly, I'd much rather, at the LEAST, just TALK about a relationship before moving into talking about sex with that person.

 

I am guessing that's probably why he wasn't into you.

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I am guessing that's probably why he wasn't into you.

 

I'm going to assume that too. But it's all done, and I'm not even bothered anymore.

 

Interesting that you have three posts here, and all of them are on my thread here. You must be going through something similar.

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I'm going to assume that too. But it's all done, and I'm not even bothered anymore.

 

That seems about right.

 

Interesting that you have three posts here, and all of them are on my thread here. You must be going through something similar.

 

Well, if there is any doubt, I am not a woman. Sometime ago I met a girl and we seen to be geting along with each other. I tried to ask her out more than once and she always said she is very busy, stuff like that and then she said "call me sunday afternoon". When I called on sunday, someone, who seems to be her room mate said she was "out with a friend". Obviously she was not that into me, so I will just forget about it and stop calling. If we run into each other again(and we live close to each other), then I might try something again, but until then, I will just leave that alone. I don't like games either.

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