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Suddenly no texts or calls...


Laura11111

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So here's the deal. I met a guy online. We did coffee and talked for two hours (wasn't sure how interested he was). The second date, we played pool and then went out for dinner (had a wonderful time and felt like we had a strong connection). The third date, we watched a movie at his house and had sex (wasn't sure how I was feeling about him but was still interested). The fourth date, he came over to my place and we watched a movie and had sex again (no huge spark but still interested).

 

During all of that, we texted back and forth at least once a day. Last Thursday, I texted him to say that I want to get to know him better and told him when a good time was to call me. He called and we talked for quit a while. He said that he'd like to get together over the weekend if I didn't go to my cottage (I mentioned that I was thinking about going).

 

So...he hasn't called or texted me since then. What happened here? Why would he waste his time talking to me if he's not interested? Why would he mention getting together if he had no intention of contacting me again? Any ideas?

 

I'm fine if he's not interested but why wouldn't he just tell me?

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While he got what he came for (pun totally intended) he did sound interested in more as you suggested.

 

The lack of communication could mean one of two things in my mind...

 

1) He's done the disappearing act. He figured he got what he came for, wanted more but wasn't really into it, met someone else etc etc. The unfortunate truth is that it's easy for people to just disappear than to be honest and say "sorry, not gonna work". And girls do this too.

 

2) Sometime out of the ordinary has happened. Lost his phone, had car accident, moved to spain randomly, become very very busy (but I know, it doesn't take that long to send a quick text)

 

Have you tried to contact him at all?

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I think that in the dating world you have accept that people are not going to up front with you. I like to look at peoples intentions/actions rather than their words. If he isnt keeping up communication with you then there is a reason for it, perhaps he has lost interest, perhaps he was just interested in sex and wanted to keep things casual. My guess is that he will contact you again but I dont think that he is head over heels for you. I would just think that he has other things going on and he isnt making you a priority.

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You know, I'm coming to the point where I think that two can play that game too. If a guy just acts interested to get into my pants, what's a free fck? Nothing. We all want it. We all need it. You have to look at it from this kind of perspective or else, you will feel used.

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sadly it really could be that he got what he wanted (sex) and he just doesn't want to be too much of a * * * * about it. so he *maybe* just pretended that he's interested just for that purpose only

 

try calling him again... twice AT MOST. if u don't hear from him, assume what i wrote is true

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Four dates is not many at all. Perhaps he met someone in the meanwhile who he has now decided to pursue before asking you out again. I don't think the sex changes the fact that this is only four dates and casual at this point.

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I still wonder if you contacted him? To me this doesnt sound like a classic "he got what he wanted"... as it continued beyond that...

 

If you haven't already, call him and find out!

 

Ammy

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You met him online? He has probably done that to many other girls.

 

Try calling him one last time if you want but basically, i think that he has given you his answer that you are not in his heart (anymore?) and he did his disappearing act...

 

So the next time, don't have sex with any guy till he has given you some visible commitment. A lot of people talk but in the end, it si action that speaks louder than words!

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You know, they never tell you why... they just want OUT asap and they don't want to explain themselves because of the guilt. Both guys and girls do this.

 

Don't torture yourself anymore thinking about it, find yourself a new/real man who makes you happy.

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I agree that he got what he wanted, and then bailed. I would learn from this, and wait to be in a committed relationship before being intimate.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "wanting to get to know him better," you've had sex with him twice, how much better can you know him after that?

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You met him online? He has probably done that to many other girls.

 

Try calling him one last time if you want but basically, i think that he has given you his answer that you are not in his heart (anymore?) and he did his disappearing act...

 

So the next time, don't have sex with any guy till he has given you some visible commitment. A lot of people talk but in the end, it si action that speaks louder than words!

 

I specially agree with the bolded part.

 

It's only been a week. But he could have called once at least.

Things aren't looking good.

 

I made the mistake of going further then making out (no sex- but still wayyyyyyyyyy too soon) on the first date with a guy I'd been speaking with online. He was friends of a friend though so later I did get the background info.

We had too much to drink and *I* allowed things to go far. Worst mistake I could have made as far as having something serious with him.

 

The main reason we never got serious though: he knew from the beginning he wasn;t looking for anything serious, with any body. He liked getting the girl, then going for another. And doing a juggeling act between them all.

He would text once a day or contact me. We dated 5 weeks and around then I had said something which he saw as a red flag. So he stopped calling or contacting. I was saddend. It took me 2 months to accept he just wasn't for me (or anyone at that time?).

 

Next time you get to know a guy from online, if you don't want to go thru the dissapearing act, get to know them better in person first.

Just take this as an experience if he doesn't call or things go sour.

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Thanks for all of your replies. He ended up texting me on Wednesday (we had spoken the Thursday before). He said he was really busy.

 

Anyhoo...he made me dinner at his place on Friday and made a point to tell me what had happened. He had to go into work on Friday and then spent Sun and Mon with his parents which is a bit of a drive away. We didn't have sex.

 

We went to a Roller Dirby on Sat and I met one of his friends. It was near my work so we stopped by and I gave him a tour. No sex again.

 

Yesterday (Sun), I went to his place and we hung out all afternoon/evening. He baked cookies for us Had sex...it was good. He said he'd call me.

 

We texted today. So, things seem to be going well. Do you think I can rule out him only wanting sex yet?

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Just keep observing his behavior. You can't tell anything now because the relationship is still new. In a steady relationship, it shouldn't be as sporadic as what you have described thru out this thread.

 

I do hope for you too that he is really serious with you.

 

Good luck

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To be honest, I didn't find his behaviour consistent with someone who just wants sex... That said, it's early days, so best to take it slowly... Seems like a genuine guy to me.. you spent all weekend together and he was interested even when it didn't involve sex.

 

Have fun!

 

Ammy

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Thanks for all of your replies. He ended up texting me on Wednesday (we had spoken the Thursday before). He said he was really busy.
..

No one is too busy to not contact someone they are interested in for 5 days. I think he will pull this again. Sorry....

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that's great to hear.. imo it seems like he's not all about sex (obviously that interest is there too, can't deny that after u guys slept together so quickly).. but i mean.. take it slow.. and see if he doesn't push the issue and make it a point to have sex every single time

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..

No one is too busy to not contact someone they are interested in for 5 days. I think he will pull this again. Sorry....

 

The relationship is still new & he wants to do disappearing acts again???

 

Simple! If he pull this trick one more time, leave!

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From a guys perspective in a similar situation i wouldnt say its all gloom and doom evil man stuff....

 

There are so reasons why a guy could do this. Someone that disappears for any amount of time does suck, especially if you dont have any validation of their interests. But people suggesting that you simply forget this guy because he said he was busy, that sounds pretty insane. I think your doing the right thing, infact you hung out subsequently and didnt have sex, so for all the nay sayers how does that make sense?

 

Hes having fun, your having fun, expecting anymore would be detrimental to the potential relationship that could ensue, you just need to take it one step at a time, if your uncomfortable at any point your entitled to confront him about it. Which you did, good job.

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