Depression (Death, change in life style, school)

[GrandioseMania]

Hey guys. I'd really appreciate anyone's kinds words right now because a huge weight of depression has been placed on my shoulders. Not long ago, I posted on here very optimistically about a girl in my Abnormal Psychology class I felt very attracted to. Well, I was very confident and felt like I was going to make the move to get to know her better. Little did I Know that my grandmother whom I was taking care of for a long time, sacrificing school because she definitely came first in my life, passed away. I loved her so much and to see someone go through so much pain is just unbearable. I remember I would make her laugh and as much pain as she was in, shared a chuckle with me.

 

With my grandmother's death, I just didn't want to think about living anymore. I felt like the only person who ever made me feel competent in this world has left. Her house was left in the will to my mother who wanted to make the house a family house. I moved in with her and soon my brother will as well. This new change in scenery also didn't help, but my overall life style is definitely improved. My problem now is that I feel so lonely. Without my grandmother, I feel like I'm unneeded. The girl that I was after...I let her slip through the cracks of my fingers. Today was the last day of class, and I just let her go...but she didn't seem to mind nearly as much as me. She has my number but I doubt she'll ever call. Classes ending is also very sad for me. I go through this every semester, but this one more than the others. I'm going to miss my schedule, the faces that I would see in my classes and that young woman in my class that I felt attracted to. I feel like it's all gone, everything in my life is just going away without a care.

 

So I wake up after a nap, and the depression I've been feeling has just destroyed me. My final for one of my classes I got a B+ on. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten an A if it weren't for my current circumstances. So my grades suffering, I let a girl I was attracted to just leave without a word, my grandmother died, living in a new house, and school is ending. I just wish life would stop changing so fast...

 

Thanks for anyone who reads. Usually, I never like to admit to being so heavily depressed that I can't handle it but...this time I am. Any words of wisdom? Thanks...

[sarey]

What's wrong with a B? Aslong as you get good grades, that's fine. Start worrying when it's close to an F, I'd say.

 

I've lost loved ones too, and it's painful, and it hurts; the scar may feel like a fresh wound for a very long time... but it does get better. You begin to move on with your life gradually, and you place a space in your heart and soul for her, where she will always be. She will always be there. In your memories, your mind, your heart, and your soul. She's never really gone...

 

Depression could be a short term issue, or a long term one. In these circumstances, it may fade over time as time is a healer. Things won't always feel like this. It may feel like it, but they get better in time.

 

I'd recommend speaking to a grief counselor. Someone in that area could help with regards to your loss, and maybe speak about your other issues and they may recommend other helpful options.

 

Goodluck.

[rollingalong]

You will survive............she is one in a million. When you come back next semester you'll see a bunch of new girls in your classes. College==a lot of humans all over the dang campus.

 

I can understand how all this change can be very overwhelming. I definitely know about change......I can go on about all that I had lost during college, but maybe some other time. My grandmother passed away about 5 days before my first day of college. I had never experienced death before and it was very hard......and then having to move away to college made it so much more overwhelming. I later lost my grandfather the next year and my brother unexpectedly towards the end of college. Losing my grandmother was hard, but it gradually prepared me to lose my grandfather even though that was also very hard, but loosing my brother can't even compare. You're prepared to lose the older people, but not someone you grew up and you expect to have around until your old. It's still very hard, but my point is.............with time you'll heal. It's going to hurt for a while, but you eventually learn to deal with the pain to the point where you live with it. You have to. It's been almost 8 years since I lost my grandmother. It definitely isn't as hard as it was. I knew it was going to happen eventually. I try to always remember a talk she had with me that I remember so clearly. She told me that when it was time for her to go, to be happy that she and my grandfather had a happy life. That they were able to live to an old age and able to experience so much out of life. Always remember what she taught you and try to live in memory of her. Live life and make her proud. ($#%^%%@&% this is bringing out the tears)

I know what it feels like to lose good people in your life at a young age. It makes you stronger and it makes you more human in this freaked out world we live in. Be strong and be patient. It takes time.

[GrandioseMania]

Thanks for your responses. I understand that everyone loses someone in their life, but I never compare pain. Pain is always different and is reacted to differently by individuals. Why my grandmother's death impacted me so much is because firstly I love her. Also, we have a tiny family so what little we have stick together. Possibly the most important to me was that she was the only one who made me feel competent left on this Earth. She would always compliment my looks and say that I'm intelligent, things that my mom or anyone for that matter rarely ever does.

 

I study Psychology in college and I can pull myself out of the darkness enough to see that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. But right now I feel like I'm falling apart. Depression isn't just being "sad" but it's something that makes feel like I'm not myself, and a lot more scary...it makes me feel like I don't want to live this life anymore. I'm not saying suicide but I almost feel like I'm someone else, and I don't want to live the life I've been living all these years. I fear the summer will only make my feelings worse. I always get depressed during the summer. I guess I have tendencies of "SAD" (Seasonal Affective Disorder) to a degree but it really isn't serious. I just wish I had someone in my life, and wish things would stop changing so rapidly and let me breathe for a moment.