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losing that one true love


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i met Jacqueline when we were 15,fell in love quickly without me realising it. i was already having sex she was a virgin ,had a troubled family life and no confidence. the first years flew by we both grew up she grew stronger more confident and more stuningly beautiful. she was my baby everyting to me ,i would die for her still. my parents werent as strict as hers so when i was 18 i went away on holidays with my friends 8 lads,didnt bat an eye at another girl no one could compare top her i just laughed cum ons off!!! the next year she went on a family holiday and i hit crete,within two days i had sex with sum1 else,i dont know why,it wasnt me at all,the guilt gave me panic attacks an anxiety. booze hepled me feel better then bang again another girl,another morning waking up feeling like killing myself,i also treid ecstasy for the first but not the last time. i came back frm that holiday changed everyting felt trivial,but i loved her she was my baby she though the world of me!! as time went on i started to do ecstasy everytime she wasnt out with me and cocaine ghb and smoke weed daily. i dont know why,she had exams alot so she rarely came out with me or if she did she went home early. i fought all the time with random people,seeing her the next day cut and bruised with a fake story she always believed. it was like a secret life she knew i was no angel but not to this extent, recently i started a new job which demanded alot of time,we drifted apart and i decided to end it. its two months now and its only hit me what ive lost i thought single life was great for a while,,but in that time she has seen the 'other side' of me,the drugs the women,i knew she still loved me so we would meet up for sex,but i caught an std and had to tell her to get screened,well today she is moving to france and i said goodbye. probly for ever even of she ever wanted her back i dont deserve her,in her eyes i was the perfect man,sum 1 i knew she looked up to, her friends and family loved me but i * * * * ed it up acting like a horny 16 yr old drug addict as she put it. she was my everyting and no one will ever compare to her,i wrote this to finally get it all off my chest to give wisdom to young men like me who take women like her for granted she was an angle,even though its over im glad i helped her become the strong independent women she is,losing her will kill me,life will never be as great as it was when i could wake up with her blue eyes staring into mine. she will find sum1 great better than me,but he will never love her like i do.

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You were (are?) a drug addict and womanizer and couldn't keep your own life together so somehow I doubt that you helped her become a strong independent woman..she became that on her own. What you did do was shatter her hopes and dreams and quite possibly gave her an STD. I think you need to take a good long look at yourself....your love for her was not a productive, healthy love. You cheated and lied...your love was drugs and casual sex. You loved that more than you loved her. Your relationship with her is done..but hopefully you will have learned some lessons from this and will turn your life around.

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Now that the post has been edited into a readable font, I can reply, lol.


Actually, there's really not much to say except that you can only learn from your past behaviour so that you hopefully never repeat it. View it as one of life's great lessons - treat someone like crap, and you lose them.


Kudos to you for owning it though.

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