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If my point of view on JUST FRIENDS off?

Michelle An

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Am I just overreacting or do I have a point?


one of my boyfriend's old friends is in town and wants to see him. Before she came, one of her first conversations with him was in which she asked if he knew she used to have feelings for him. A week went by and I saw she had texted him at midnight on a Friday when we had gone out. Now she is in town and wants to have dinner with him.


I trust my boyfriend, so trust is not the issue here. I feel the issue may possibly be that he isn't putting himself in my shoes, to think about how it would be if I were to tell him that an old friend who made it a point to ask if I knew he used to like me, texted me late at night, called quite a few times during his stay near us, and now wanted to go out to dinner with me with the possibility of being alone if his friend wouldnt be able to make it.


I briefly explained to him my feelings on the issuing, stating that I didn't trust her because I felt she was testing the waters with him by asking if he was aware of her past interest in him. I thought he would realize my reservations and decide not to go, however he said, "I told her I didn't have any interest in her", and that was it.


I don't want to cause trouble where it doesn't belong, so I thought I'd ask a forum about it first.

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You'll get quite polarised opinions on this one, I suspect. To me, it would be overstepping the mark. I certainly wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't feel comfortable being put in that position either, although I'm not sure I would actually stop it (I have, however, recently stopped something similar but with a different twist in my own relationship, so I would be quite prepared to do it if I decided it really needed to be done, and you should too). If her intentions are friendship only, and not to try and get her claws into him, then she should have no real objections to you going along too. It may make it a bit more awkward for all concerned, and you may choose to turn down such an invite, but it should be extended all the same, IMO.

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The fact that she had to point out that she had feelings for him at one point would make me question her intentions to be honest.. That is something she could have easily left out. While I fully trust my fiance having female friends i'd be very uncomfortable with him going out with someone who felt the need to make it known they had feelings for him.

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I would do as you did, make my point, and then step away. I think one dinner would be fine...because he might just need to tell her about you and he doesn't want to embarrass her. but only once. i have found this really works if he's really into me. i never ask how lunch or dinner went, i just say nothing. and they end up talking about it and how much they value what we have. plus it makes me look like such a great chick! ha!

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I would think he would either not go out to dinner alone with her and just turn it into a group thing with you. I don't think her behavior is appropriate and I'm pretty sure she probably knows that. When someone is taken, it's really obnoxious to tell them you like them or "used to like them" (hard to believe...why would she bring it up if she has no feelings for him anymore...just making conversation...I don't think so).


I think he should know better out of respect for you than to go out with her to dinner after she said what she said. It's not a trust thing, it's a respect thing.

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Since they're just friends, I would think he would want you to go, and he should be proud to introduce you to her.


I agree with this. I think the appropriate thing is to invite you, definitely. I'd say that even without the dodgy texts from her.

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