Are Men Intimidated By The Direct Approach?

[Just Me85]

Okay, so Ive had my eye on this guy for a couple of weeks now.

 

At first he was giving off all the signals that he liked me. He said I was cute, asked for my number said he would like to see me again all that stuff. Texts me for a few days, but then pulls away.

 

Then as soon as I think he isnt interested, he will drop a bomb by saying something extremely flirtatious or suggestive that he actually likes me. Anyways this has kind of been driving me crazy since he is so elusive.

 

Im pretty sure this means hes just not that into me, so I pulled away a bit too. Last night I spoke to him on fb and he was being all distant and to be honest I had had enough. I would much rather put it all out there and actually know where I stand.

 

I have never been so direct before, I wasnt even scared of rejection I just dont feel like I should waste time on someone who isnt interested? I was joking around and I called him a "big tree for not noticing". He said he didnt know what I mean so I confessed that I like him and find him extremely attractive and that I just wanted him to tell me if hes not interested and Ill stop trying to flirt and just be friendly instead. I said I can take it its fine lol.

 

Well, there was me expecting at least "I just want to be friends". But he would NOT answer me direct.

 

Instead he said "Couldnt we just see how things work out?"

 

I felt totally mugged off. I wasnt trying to push him into anything I just wanted to see if he liked me as a friend or possibly more because I dont really know how to act around him. I said "yeah of course I wasnt pushing for anything, just curious..do you think Im a pleb now?" and he said "I dont think your a pleb x"

 

I left it at that...Is this guy a player or what?

 

For all the guys out there, do you behave like this when your not interested? I would have thought he would have been able to just be direct with me and say so if he wasnt?

 

Im worried I came off as a bit of a psycho, but Ive been played before and I want to wait for a guy who is genuinely into me and isnt just going to string me along or use me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

For all the guys out there, do you behave like this when your not interested?

 

It is a big sign of immaturity and it is best for you to stay away. Men (and women) who blow hot and cold this early on tend to blow hot and cold throughout the relationship. It is about power more than anything else. Don't give this guy another thought. It is not you...it is his immaturity and game playing. A "real man" would not be turned off especially if they were giving plenty of come hither signals. You did fine...you just ended up finding a loser. Don't give him another thought.

[Just Me85]

So as a general rule, do you think the direct approach is a positive thing? I havnt long come out of a long term relationship (its been a few months) and Im new to all this single life molarky.

 

I dont want to waste time on anyone who isnt worthy of it thats all..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So as a general rule, do you think the direct approach is a positive thing? I havnt long come out of a long term relationship (its been a few months) and Im new to all this single life molarky.

 

I dont want to waste time on anyone who isnt worthy of it thats all..

 

 

If you like someone and you feel they might be interested then why not. I know lots of women who subscribe to the "oh no, the man has to ask you out" notion..but often these are the same women who bat their eyelashes and do every come on trick under the sun to make it crystal clear that they want the guy...yet they rationalize how demure they were and that the guy asked them out. In other words, they are hypocrites because they do everything short of lifting their skirt to show interest but then make claims that the guy ran after them because the guy asked them out! There is nothing wrong with asking a guy if he is interested...a decent guy would be flattered and, if interested, would be thrilled.

[SighSob]

I am intimidated by the direct approach. And it turns me off like hell. And I don't think I am a player.

[Red Fox]

So as a general rule, do you think the direct approach is a positive thing?

 

Yeah why not. It works for men asking women so why not the other way around? I don't get why lots of people think it's so bad. If I liked someone and they liked me and were direct about it then great. I would never think badly of a woman for asking me direct. If men can why can't women? Why is it that society tends to think women have to hang around fluttering their eyelashes waiting for someone to ask them out, kind of almost like a passive party?

[Just Me85]

SighSob,

 

Has this ever happened to you when you have really liked the girl and did it still put you off? x

[annie24]

nah, i think you're just calling him out on his BS. sigh. i'm going through sort of the same thing right now myself......

 

i think you HAVE been trying to see how things play out, but since he hasn't taken some sort of real moves showing interest in moving things forward - like asking you out on dates.... then i would just forget him. he sounds like a tease!

[Qut81]

I dont think there is anything wrong with being upfront. I am very direct and some men dont like it, but they are not right for me.

 

 

The fact he answered a question with a question could be a sign that he isnt interested. Or he doesnt know if hes interested yet bc if Im reading right, you have only known him a couple of wks but never went on dates correct? Date other ppl and still keep him around to see where it goes.

[itsallgrand]

I would interpret that, personally, as a guy who was mostly just interested in flirting with you and getting some attention. It happens.

 

Now that you know you can 'forgettabutit' and place your energies elsewhere.

 

I think you did fine. It wasn't all that direct actually, IMO - it's not like you came off on the first meeting extremely bold nor brash. You simply called him on his hot/cold (or BS lol) and got the answer you needed to know.

[lostandhurt]

Good for you! I wouldn't have been put off by your question. Real men should be comfortable enough to handle a woman that speaks her mind and has some control over her own life. I would hope if I was put in that position I would be able to answer as honestly as possible.

Seems like a game to me.

 

Lost

[Just Me85]

I think so! Actually, reading your responses has made me feel really good about it.

 

Maybe by having a no BS attitude now it means eventually Ill attract someone man enough to deal, or even like my direct approach.

 

I just cant be bothered with all this acting coy and subtle flirting, it just all seems like a game to me. Dont get me wrong, I can be a massive flirt when I want to be, Im just tired of giving out the wrong idea.

 

Since becoming single, I have been approached a lot more than usual, I think guys can sense singledom, not sure how but they can.

 

Thing is sadly I fear I may have devloped a complex. It seems that men only want one thing from me and Im not sure if its to do with my fairly young age (23) that means guys my age arent really emotionally mature yet?

 

When me and my ex broke up he went out of his way to make me feel like dirt. He called me every name under the Sun and Im super hyper sensitive about being made to feel cheap. I hope my standards arent too high, but I dont think I deserve anything less than a guy who worships me as much as I would them! I want someone to fight for me hehe.

 

I guess it just means this guy is not a real man, in which case Im glad I got my answers sooner rather than later. I want a real man hehe.

 

x

[Day_Walker]

I think that fact that you had to seek a definitive answer says that you are more interested in him that he is interested in you. It seems to me that this guy has other stuff going on, meaning that he isnt going to fall head over heels for you like some other guys would. If you dont want the type of guy that can play it cool then you just need to stop right her and let this guy go.

[SighSob]

SighSob,

 

Has this ever happened to you when you have really liked the girl and did it still put you off? x

 

I don't know but there is a couple girls I am interested in and I like to flirt with them but whenever they show too much interest or they initiate the flirting it just makes me lose interest in them. I swear I am not a player, I think it's just how the laws of attraction work with me. I think there may be a thousand interpretations to this though, so yeah maybe I just didn't like them enough? But I remember that even the day after the girl I had been chasing for months finally kissed me it turned me off a bit....even though she was perfection to me and we'd be together for 2.5 years and I'm still trying to get her back lol.