Pregnancy scare, he won't talk to me. PLS help me save this!

[lilybelle]

Craig (19 yrs) and I (20) somewhat recently made the transition from just friends to more than friends. We never entered the realm of an official relationship: we began spending more and more time together, and eventually had SAFE SEX many times during an apprx 2 week period. It was good. Things were just getting started. Shortly thereafter, he made the decision to take a trip accross the US and was gone for about 5 weeks. He briefly brought up being exclusive, and I dismissed it as he was about to leave, cross country style. Before leaving, he expressed wanting to stay because of me and told me how much he'd miss me.

 

I tend to go for the rogue traveler type.

 

While Craig was gone we kept in touch via occasional texts, but he rarely called me. Distance didn't make the heart grow especially fonder, yet we still were on good terms and talking. I had a pregnancy scare during which I was late, had several false symptoms and ended up completely missing a period. This scared him more than me. He began calling me almost everyday, urging me to take a test. I lived in denial for a while and I let him know I would get an abortion if I was infact knocked up, which he supported. Long story short after two much procrastinated pregnancy tests, I was NOT pregnant. Missed period due to alcoholic college party lifestyle and stress...? He later expressed that he didn't want to have sex because of the preg scare.

 

I expected to see/talk to him first thing when he returned. He has been home for 5 days now and things have completely fizzled. He didn't seem enthused to see me upon returning, instead opting to hang out with his dudes. There was a mutual understanding that we needed to have a serious talk and catch up, but he made no effort to schedule, so I tried to back off. This weekend I drunkenly ran into Craig at a party (to which I was invited by one of his good friend and went knowing he would be there). No chemistry whatsoever, we practically ignored each other and I drank heavily. This was the first time I had seen him in over a month. He was there, talking with another girl.

 

Since then I have tried to make a peace offering and asked him to talk to me, to no avail: mischeduling and his need to "cool off" and his complete disinterest. He offered to talk today but I was busy and he wasn't willing to meet me on my campus. Craig hasn't returned my text message, so I'm backing off entirely. I do not deserve to be treated this way and he has never been so cold to me. Total 180. At the same time, I want to regain his affection and have some kind of "closure" as to what I did wrong. I understand that he has lost interest in me, yet at the same time I have no idea as to the strange inner workings of his mind.

 

How is it that a pregnancy scare can mess things up so royally? What can I do to gain back his attention and get him to talk to me? He seems to be dreading the serious conversation/catch up session we had planned. I feel horrible about this and can't concentrate on my schoolwork. I care about him a lot & want him back as a friend/potential boyfriend, or merely as a force in my life, despite the fact that he's being a huge jerk to me.

 

ADVICE PLEASE?

[Puma]

His attitude is a big red flag already. If this is the way he acts (evading you, trying to avoid the conflict at hand), imagine how much worse it could be if you were more invested in him where emotions are involved AND you did get pregnant. Sounds like the kind of guy who would screw you over and leave it up to you to handle it. A guy who would give a damn would be there for you and talk if over rather than running off like a coward.

 

I'd say it's time to move on and find someone who is really worth your time. I understand it's difficult because this one lacked closure, but from the way he's acting, it isn't really needed. Just chalk it up to a bad experience and get on with life without him.

 

And be more careful when having sex next time, pregnancy scares aren't any fun.

[Sunny1607307996]

I agree with Puma. This is not the guy you want to continue a relationship with. He seems immature---See exibit A-C:

A) he wants cancel his trip for you (after an extremely brief relationship...sweet, but stupid)

B) He's more concerned about the the pregnancy will affect him then you

C) He acts like a douche when he gets back.

 

If you honestly and truly need to have that talk for your own closure, then try again. Let it be known to him that you're not trying to start things up again, you just want to talk. If he blows you off again unfortunetly you'll have to give yourself closure.

 

I know this is unsolicited advice on a different topic but maybe you should curb your drinking as well....I don't know of anyone who drank so heavily they missed a period. It seems like you drink to avoid problems. Just a side note perhaps you should consider.

[lilybelle]

You're right: total red flags. I have no desire to pursue an actual relationship with Craig, but I want him in my life. I'm sad and full of regret for a.) telling him i thought i was pregnant before I was sure and b.) having sex with him & losing him as a friend.

 

And thank you, he IS really really immature. And though I've never dated anyone younger than me, I was completely fooled by his shy, carefully chosen words, outlook on life and worldly traveling experience. Egh. Maybe I am making a conflict out of nothing and shouldn't have pushed for us to sit down and talk, as I understand from his actions he is really dreading it. Also, at one point he told me he had not yet decided what he was going to say.

 

I shouldn't want anything to do with him and I can't believe he's blowing me off like this. Especially after things got so hot and heavy before he left. I am wondering what out of my actions turned him off to me so much so that he is not cooperating. Especially with me not being actually preggers and all. I will do everything in my power not to call or text him, yet I am patiently awaiting him to contact me and thinking about when we'll see each other next. I know he does not feel the same way. LAME. I at least want to hang out with him as a friend, catch up amiably and small talk. Is there anything I can do make him want to talk/hang out?

 

I really appreciate any and all input. I can only talk my girlfriends' ears off for so long. And, I do need to curb my social alcoholic college behavior, as I know it's a turn off to him. On Friday night he insisted I stayed sober so we could talk, then blew me off saying simply "tomorrow" in a frickin' text.

[Puma]

You can't *make* him want to do anything lol, and he's probably more likely to keep distancing himself the more you try contacting him. Don't force anything, you've done all that you could already.

 

He seems like a jerk from the way he's acting, personally I wouldn't event want to be friends with a guy like that no matter how attracted or in love I felt with him at any point in time. Even though you aren't pregnant, it sounds like he's trying to avoid confronting this issue as to avoid responsibility for his actions. It does take two to tango...

 

I've had a very slightly similar situation, where an ex cut all contact with me for no reason. I felt the same way, where I wanted to at least have a strictly platonic friendship with him where we could (as you say) shoot the sh*t like ol' buddies would, but I always remind myself of how he treated me when we were together. Then I end up remembering all of his terrible qualities that make me avoid guys like him in the first place. It gave me a heightened sense of what kind of guys I DON'T want and which ones to avoid.

[lavenderdove]

I think a pregnancy scare when you've only been having sex for a couple weeks really throws a lot of drama in when you barely know each other. So i'm sure he was freaking out at the idea you might be pregnant, then thought about it and decided he wasn't serious enough with you to keep having sex and any potential future pregnancies.

 

Also, another word of advice. I wouldn't talk to any guy about being late or a potential pregnancy until i was really sure i was pregnant and it was confirmed. Otherwise the guy might feel you are either making it up to see what he'd do if you were pregnant, or jerking him around for a lot of drama when you were avoiding even finding out for sure if you're pregnant.

 

Since it is cheap and easy to find out these days if you're pregnant via a home pregnancy test, i wouldn't have this discussion with anyone until you have confirmed it. Otherwise it can lead to problems like this.

[lilybelle]

Craig (19 yrs) and I (20) somewhat recently made the transition from just friends to more than friends. We never entered the realm of an official relationship: we began spending more and more time together, and eventually had SAFE SEX many times during an apprx 2 week period. It was good. Things were just getting started. Shortly thereafter, he made the decision to take a trip accross the US and was gone for about 5 weeks. He briefly brought up being exclusive, and I dismissed it as he was about to leave, cross country style. Before leaving, he expressed wanting to stay because of me and told me how much he'd miss me.

 

I tend to go for the rogue traveler type.

 

While Craig was gone we kept in touch via occasional texts, but he rarely called me. Distance didn't make the heart grow especially fonder, yet we still were on good terms and talking. I had a pregnancy scare during which I was late, had several false symptoms and ended up completely missing a period. This scared him more than me. He began calling me almost everyday, urging me to take a test. I lived in denial for a while and I let him know I would get an abortion if I was infact knocked up, which he supported. Long story short after two much procrastinated pregnancy tests, I was NOT pregnant. Missed period due to alcoholic college party lifestyle and stress...? He later expressed that he didn't want to have sex because of the preg scare.

 

I expected to see/talk to him first thing when he returned. He has been home for 5 days now and things have completely fizzled. He didn't seem enthused to see me upon returning, instead opting to hang out with his dudes. There was a mutual understanding that we needed to have a serious talk and catch up, but he made no effort to schedule, so I tried to back off. This weekend I drunkenly ran into Craig at a party (to which I was invited by one of his good friend and went knowing he would be there). No chemistry whatsoever, we practically ignored each other and I drank heavily. This was the first time I had seen him in over a month. He was there, talking with another girl.

 

Since then I have tried to make a peace offering and asked him to talk to me, to no avail: mischeduling and his need to "cool off" and his complete disinterest. He offered to talk today but I was busy and he wasn't willing to meet me on my campus. Craig hasn't returned my text message, so I'm backing off entirely. I do not deserve to be treated this way and he has never been so cold to me. Total 180. At the same time, I want to regain his affection and have some kind of "closure" as to what I did wrong. I understand that he has lost interest in me, yet at the same time I have no idea as to the strange inner workings of his mind.

 

How is it that a pregnancy scare can mess things up so royally? What can I do to gain back his attention and get him to talk to me? He seems to be dreading the serious conversation/catch up session we had planned. I feel horrible about this and can't concentrate on my schoolwork. I care about him a lot & want him back as a friend/potential boyfriend, or merely as a force in my life, despite the fact that he's being a huge jerk to me.

 

ADVICE PLEASE?

 

Btw - I had originally posted this in the wrong forum. Duh, I'm not pregnant. Whoops

___________________________________________________

 

I have no desire to pursue an actual relationship with Craig, but I want him in my life. I'm sad and full of regret for a.) telling him i thought i was pregnant before I was sure and b.) having sex with him & losing him as a friend.

 

He IS really really immature. And though I've never dated anyone younger than me, I was completely fooled by his shy, carefully chosen words, outlook on life and worldly traveling experience. Egh. Maybe I am making a conflict out of nothing and shouldn't have pushed for us to sit down and talk, as I understand from his actions he is really dreading it. Also, at one point he told me he had not yet decided what he was going to say.

 

I shouldn't want anything to do with him and I can't believe he's blowing me off like this. Especially after things got so hot and heavy before he left. I am wondering what out of my actions turned him off to me so much so that he is not cooperating. Especially with me not being actually preggers and all. I will do everything in my power not to call or text him, yet I am patiently awaiting him to contact me and thinking about when we'll see each other next. I know he does not feel the same way. LAME. I at least want to hang out with him as a friend, catch up amiably and small talk. Is there anything I can do make him want to talk/hang out?

 

HELP!

[Hope75]

Honestly I don't think there is anything you can do. You admit Craig is immature and you had nothing more than a casual sexual relationship- pregnancy scares put fun casual sex to a screeching halt and are a consequence of having sex.

 

Just be glad you saw his true colors before you actually got pregnant.

 

I don't see you being able to change the outcome of this situation, and honestly, why would you want to?