In love with a guy that doesn't want a GF

[Japanfreak05]

So I've been friends with this guys for a little over half a year. We clicked from the start and talked like crazy. We've always had this lil thing for one another, but we both JUST got out of relationships when we met (mine was 4 years, his was 2 years) so we we tried to be friends for a while then stuff started getting intimate and he started catching feelings.

 

He asked me to date him but at the time it was too soon, and I couldn't get my feels straight for him....some times I'd like him and most other times I was just w/e didn't really like him that much. He tried to play off the question as if he was joking. We continued to be friends and we talk about everything all the time (still intimate too)

 

He's got a lot going on in his life and he says he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. He's a pleaser/giver so I think he wants to be able to provide a good time for the girl he's with, and he doesn't think he can do that right now because he's under a lot of financial stress (as we all are).

 

But all of a sudden we were hanging out with his friends and we were flirting REALLY hard in front of everyone lol. It was apparent to everyone that we had a thing for one another. That's when I realized....wow....I really do have a thing for him!!! Like REALLY BAD lol. I was just always tripping over other guys that would do me wrong, instead of being with the one that was right for me.

 

Did i screw things up? Is there still a chance? I really don't know what to do at this point. I did tell him how i felt and that I want him to be in my life as my bf but he didn't say anything back about it (it was really random) and we still talk every day. He doesn't want a GF but he likes me. I don't know what to do!! Maybe I am thinking too hard into it.

[sandrawg]

Well, this kind of rel'ship is usually called "friends with benefits." Are you comfortable with the status quo? Because guys usually say what they mean and mean what they say. If he's telling you he's not ready for a girlfriend, then he means that. He's NOT ready. And any amount of cajoling, pleaidng or pressuring on your part won't sway him.

 

I was in a similar situation. I got to be very good friends with this guy after we started sleeping together. However, he was going through a divorce. He told me many times he wasn't ready. All the togetherness...the intimacy was very intense and great...and the late nights after being intimate just sitting around chatting...I mean, we always had a great time together. Well, I started to feel myself becoming attached. I knew I was for sure when, one Friday I invited him over, and he declined. I was crushed. That was my "uh oh" sign.

 

After that, I pulled away from him. I told him what was happening-that I was getting too emotionally attached to him, and he said he was too, but that he still wasn't ready for a rel'ship.

 

I decided I couldn't be FWB with him anymore-it was just too painful. So now we are just friends, although we don't hang out nearly as much as we used to. I still consider him a very good friend-I check up on him from time to time and vice versa. He knows I'm seeing other guys...if he changes his mind, I'm sure I will hear from him. But in the meantime, I need to move on to find what I want with someone else.

 

So the upshot is...if you want a bf, you might need to move on. If you're ok not being in a committed rel'ship with this guy, and can handle that it doesn't go beyond FWB, then you are less likely to end up hurt.

[Casey13]

Continue being his friend and hopefully once things settle down in his life he will show interest in you again and maybe be ready for that GF to enter his life at which point you jump in and fill the role. In the mean time I wouldnt try to think too hard about it because it will just stress you. From what you wrote I think you guys have a future together it's just a matter of when.

[CAgirl]

I agree that it is a friends with benefits relationship. It could be that he just doesn't want to be commited to you. I don't understand why you continue being intimate with him even though you aren't dating. You are just giving him what he could have in a relationship without the actual relationship. I would move on because there is a chance that he is never going to be ready to recognize you as a girlfriend.