Missing Him More When I'm Busy?!

[WomanWriter]

Is it just me or do you miss your ex MORE when you are busy?

 

I write here a lot. I muse about my ex, but even though I miss him, it's usually more intellectual--or just a passing feeling---when I post.

 

Today I felt like I accomplished a lot, yet for some reason I felt more feelings about him (as opposed to thoughts and curiosities). While I was working, I wanted to consult him and share. I used to talk to him a lot about things. The more I do, the more I wish he was here to take in the experiences.

 

I feel better when I'm home alone doing almost nothing. That way, nothing reminds me of him and I don't feel like I want to go to him after a hard day's work. Stress tends to make me miss him more because I no longer have someone to brighten my day after a day of work. The work itself is satisfying but it's not enough.

 

I have friends and family, but I don't feel very satisfied with them because I can't really be myself. I appreciate them but also know the limitations of our relationship.

 

One of the antidotes for getting over someone is to stay busy. But what if staying busy brings out more memories, pain, etc?

 

That's a tough one for me. even exercising in the neighborhood is depressing because I think about the times we spent walking hand in hand down my streets, skating to the school parking lot, etc. I don't like walking ANYwhere, especially not down by the river! Even with friends, it's depressing.

 

The more I do, the more I associate with him. The less I do, the less I associate with him. It's kind of a problem. I guess I just need to expose myself to things so I can work through the grief.

[dreamwarrior]

Hi friend...found myself with the same problem...I just go different places...I started a new health club and I enjoy it more because there are no memories of him there. Oneday I will not avoid the places we went, but for now distancing myself from them is good for me...I just find new things to do and places to go...and someday it will be with someone new.

[COtuner]

Try keeping busy with new things that neither of you did. I was lucky - no one I've dated liked any of the same things I did, so no happy memories associated with them.

[viajera]

You know, I made a conscious effort to recapture things that I associated with my ex and associate new memories and experiences with them. I did this after my last big breakup and though it was hard, it worked. This time I started doing it almost immediately, and it was easier.

 

As soon as I could, I started out by listening to music I associated with him at home alone - where I could break down and cry without anyone seeing. Then I was ready for when I went out and heard those songs at the grocery store, bar, neighbor's house, whatever.

 

I also went back to places where we used to go - even the restaurant where we broke up. I'd let myself think about the past for a while, then make a point of observing everything around me - the people nearby, the flowers in bloom, the music in the background, the weather, etc. - all to make a new mental imprint of sorts to replace, or at least supplant, my memories with him. Or better yet, go with a group of friends and have a good time, to replace a sad memory with a happy one.

 

In the meantime, until you're ready, I'd recommend trying to stay away from places and activities that remind you of him. Maybe walk in a different neighborhood, or bike instead? Best wishes!

[InRecovery]

I think it must be breaking through some barrier ... when I'm busy I can't help but think I want to be talking to my ex about it, because thats what I use to.

 

I guess its retraining your mind not to associate wanting to share yourself with someone, which in itself is quite painful and in some ways is going through a different kind of break up all over again.

 

I know when I go out and something hilarious happens I think how she would react and that tarnishes the moment ... but its not as strong as when we first broke up so I'm guessing it fades away.