Should I just end contact with him without notice?

[atrystan1]

I am going to try to make this short.

 

I have a friend that I have known for at least 6 years online. (I had no intention in meeting him or taking the relationship further because I never believed on online dating, originally he was just a great friend in internet land. ) We have been friends and then last year he wanted more. (he is 25 with a 50 year old girlfriend in which they own a house together, but he says he can't "grow old with her" and he wants something real)

 

So of course stupid me goes along with it, after all I'm in love with him, or who is is to me online, he would be the perfect guy without the girlfriend, so I'll just ignore she exists because he seems to. So we start planning to meet and 2 months before we make the leap he disappears from internet land and doesn't answer my emails. Then a month later reappears and says he wasn't sure about me, but he loves me and he knows what he wants now. So I go along with it, I mean we were friends for 5 years why would he all of a sudden lie to me and be a jerk right?

 

But now I have a conscious, do I really want a guy that would online cheat on his girlfriend and do I want to be the girl he does it with. Well not really. Despite the fact that I don't have his mobile number or his address because he is so secretive. I think the biggest problem is when I asked when is he flying me there to meet him, he said before December. Which is forever away, and although he has a girlfriend he wants me to stay "faithful"

 

So should I talk to him, figure out some hard questions to ask and try to save our friendship? (5 years together as friends, he helped me through my depression, school, everything we were just so supportive to each other it is unbelievable.) Or should I just cut the cord, no more emails, no more msn, and in fact let him know that I exist. After all he did the same to me.

 

I'm lost at what to do, he is an amazing person and a great friend and I can imagine spending my life with someone like him.

[Unknown1607307972]

My boyfriend and I met online, I was still with my ex at the time and we decided not to meet till me and my ex had broken up. Tell him if he is serious about giving you guys a chance then he needs to choose between you and his girlfriend. I mean he may have not met you in person yet but he obviously isn't madly in love with this woman either. If he wants to meet you and see how things work then he should lose the girlfriend if he really doesn't feel they have something real.

[atrystan1]

Thank you so much for telling me that. It makes me feel like he is less of a player and more confused and just slow at figuring things out. So what made you give up your ex? Did your online boyfriend give you the same ultimatum?

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't set my hopes too high on this guy.

 

The fact that he has never given you his address or phone number raises a big red flag, especially after talking to you for 5 years on the internet.

 

And for all you know, he could have a wife, and 3 or 4 kids. I'm not trying to sound negative here, but all you really know about him is what he types.

[wanttobehappy]

do I really want a guy that would online cheat on his girlfriend and do I want to be the girl he does it with. Well not really. Despite the fact that I don't have his mobile number or his address because he is so secretive. I think the biggest problem is when I asked when is he flying me there to meet him, he said before December. Which is forever away, and although he has a girlfriend he wants me to stay "faithful"

 

I don't like how it sounds. He cheats on his girlfriend, what will stop him from cheating at you? How if you are not his only flirt online?

This guy sounds like a smooth talker, he could make you feel he's your best friend despite all just talking no real life action, while at the same time he hides his real self from you.

 

There is no trust here. He hides his address or phone because he doesn't trust that you won't rush there to reveal his cheating to hit girlfriend. Or maybe he's really not what he says he is. Maybe he's married.

He's stringing you, telling you to be faithful while he's a cheater himself.

 

If you feel you've been helped a lot during the "friendship", then so be it, cut it there. Sounds ungrateful, but really, what have he done besides talking in virtual world? He doesn't lose anything "helping" you, probably even derived pleasure from having you around as a second option if he breaks up with the current girlfriend. So you benefited him, not the other way around.

 

And why he keeps being with her ... something fishy, maybe I imagine too much, but could it be that he depends on her, like, financially?

 

Edit: losing the topic... I think you don't have to take drastic action like disappearing completely without notice. Ask him to meet up SOON, ask him to reveal more about himself. Then you can see if what he told you are true. If not true, that will stop you hesitating, and will ease any ensuing pain. But even if true, remember he's still a cheater. Getting to know the truth is just to help yourself coping with it.

[savignon]

I think without his phone # (does that mean you've never spoken on the phone) or address, then I'd second guess whatever he says including that his "girlfriend" (more likely wife) is "50" (doubt it). The first thing cheaters say is that they're not inlove with the people they live with, sleep with and spend all their time with. And any guy who asks YOU to be faithful while you're the "girl on the side".....well, I just don't get it as I've never had that experience.

I also don't understand being inlove with someone you've never met in person. Especially where he's a cheater and dishonest at best. Again, I've never had that experience so I don't get it and it's certainly not my place to judge.

My two cents is to meet someone who is not asking that you wait around and be faithful to him while he's having his cake and eating it.

[atrystan1]

Thank you for your in put. She is 50, I googled her. And you are right, he is with her because of his financial responsibilities. They bought a home together and he needs to sell it or somehow get out of it. He is being selfish and everyone was right about everything. I am giving him until the end of summer though and If he wants to see me, he is going to plan and pay for it. I also decided to start seeing other people and I will be honest with him about it and whom ever i date if it becomes serious. I also decided to play a small game with him. I'm taking a week and just not going to go online or return his emails or calls. I think I want to know what he really feels or thinks about me and I want the time to take a step back from the relationship and find out what I feel for him.