I dumped him, I should never want him back but I do, three months later... PLEASE TELL ME I CAN'T!.

[soulmeetsbody]

I need someone, anyone to inject some sense into my stupid head.the full story (its long) is there is you can be bothered

 

We split up 3 months ago because it just wasn't working. It was very painful, especially since it was our 3rd breakup. I couldn't see myself ever recovering from this, but eventually I felt relieved. I felt in control and very strong. I finally felt happy and free to be myself.We went NC. I went on with my life and knew it was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and wish I had left him sooner.

 

After over 2 months of separation, he wants to meet up. I accept, we have an OK time, he wants us to hang out again as friends, and is surprised to hear how happy I am (happier in 2 months than in over 1 year 1/2 of being together!). He reveals he had the worst 2 months of his life because of work, etc... He asks me if I've been seeing my other ex (he heard rumors),and I say yes (i just can't lie) but it was just twice, nothing serious, and I just want to be single. He says its ok,we're not together anymore.

 

The next day he turns into a monster. Harasses me with abusive calls, emails, texts,threats, he doesn't even make any sense.I ignore everything after the first call. I think something snapped when he found out I was happy without him. We bump into each other in a club a few days later (we live very close to each other, go to the same places, see the same people...) he follows me, grabs me, forces me to speak to him and he screams at me, insults me (horrible words)and physically attacks me, security has to kick him out of the place.

 

He apologized a few times since, but then sends insults again. I never replied a single thing, even to the worst messages.( It stopped since.)

So why is this post in the 'getting back together' section then?

because i must be really twisted. since this happened, i cannot get him out of my mind. I miss him more than ever. I am so angry that he acted this way and killed any chance of friendship.It took time to sink in, and I have been feeling kind of low about it all. I miss him terribly, even if he's humiliated me in front of all my friends and strangers, even if my family told me that they would lose all respect for me if I got back with him. Mutual friends have said he can't get me out of my head and knows we can sort stuff out one day.

 

What's going on??? I can't comprehend my feelings. Although I am strong and confident enough to ignore his obnoxious remarks,and know he's just saying that because he is upset, a part of me is so used to being put down by him, and manipulated into thinking I'm in the wrong. I kept my head high and never responded to his low blows. I am the adult one there, the 'good' one where he's been evil. So why am I feeling like this????

[DN]

I think if he just went off the rails because he was so heartbroken and angry you might, just might, be able to overlook that and work something out.

 

But if this is how he was during the relationship - then forget him. Don't go back to that. It will only cause even more unhappiness and problems for you.

 

According to my friends I seemed terrified, didnt say a word and kept telling people to not intervene. But eventually the abuse got so bad security had to take him out of the club. I was crying, under shock. Where was the man I loved for a year and a half????? I realized he was like that all along, I was too blind to see it before. He is a drama queen, a mad, cruel man.

[yonkeehoi]

Soul - I think he's stirred up your emotions and it's your body talking to you. Brain/endorphines wants another rush addictive behavior sort of thing.

 

You should remain strong and continue to move on. From what is seems it is an unhealthy relationship (his hurt feelings or no!)

 

Your brain/endorphines will kick in just as well in a healthy relationship !!!

[dreamwarrior]

I would be running for the hills. I am having similar problems...my ex has a way of trying to wiggle his way in my life somehow, but I told him I will not accept anymore of your gifts. He bought me a cool rug with dragons on it...(dang I wanted it too), but I resisted and told him I didn't need any of his gifts.

 

He sent me a text saying what the f* kiss as* I am trying to be nice and you don't want this then fine...oh blah blah.

 

I told him that he treated me like crap and he isn't going to buy me off with 30 pieces of silver...I told him that it's MY life and I won't be his doormat anymore...go make someone else's' life H*ll...I said I have a right to choose who I want in my life and if I don't want you in it then it's my choice....you got what you wanted...were broke up...so now go be happy.

 

I have finals coming up in the next few weeks (math) and I am not in the mood for this drama you know? Major things are going on in my life and the last thing I need is for him to come screw things up at the last moment.

 

He has no clue (and I am not going to tell him either..at least right now) that my very first bf from when I was 10 years old wrote me and gave me his e-mail address...although we both live in different states. I am still going to correspond with him and if we hit it off then fine and if not fine, but I am going to start dating soon. Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but in the foreseeable future. I need more time to find myself so I will be a good whole person. I feel the next guy who I am with will deserve my love and not someone still having drama and issues with an ex...not fair.

 

So my advice to you soul...don't allow this fella back into your life...take it from someone who's been there and done that...it's won't work...how dare he do that kind of childish, low-class stuff to you in a club.

 

Listen to your family because for sure they are not worth losing face with over some chump with an ego the size of a zeplin. No hon, you stick to your guns and keep moving forward....he is yesterdays news...eek...run soul...run !

[Jetta]

He knows you well and can reach you in ways only an ex can. You need to let him go, he's bad news for you.

[DaveTrump]

It looks as though you prefer drama to something safe, no? But serioiusly, I think it boils down to whether or not the attraction is still there. If that is the case, then it will be harder to let him go.

 

All this irratic, anti social behaviour is mostly because of the split. He's in full on panic mode. Best to let him cool down and let the dust settle before you start talking.

 

In the meantime try and get him out your mind and get your focus back too.